JEH, let me tell you Sonny. Back in the day, let me look here, it was in the year twenty and aught aught. No, maybe it was before that. Nineteen and niney-eight. Yup - That's what it was, NINE-TEEN and NINEY-EIGHT. The Cyberflame League was at the old Track and Field Media Field. On normal days at TNFM the boards resembled a meth-fueled mosh pit. The one day Larry (as he called himself then) come busting through the do'! I led off with a right that made lightening flash, but Larry almost tore my leg off he was that damn fast! He threw threats and insults left and right, but I weaved and dodged using allegory, satire and wit almost all of the night. Brutal tired and I came back with a Mojo turn, the crabs on Larry's keyboard were hollerin' "burn baby burn!"
Rudy Ray Moore witnessed this epic battle and wrote about it in the "Signifying Brutal", a story of the lion and the monkey in a cyberjungle battle.
The Signifyin' Brutal
Way down in the jungle deep,
The bad ass malmo stepped on the signifyin Brutal's feet.
Brutal said, "Muthaf***a, can't you see?
Why, you standin on my goddamn feet!"
Malmo said, "I ain't heard a word you said."
Said, "If you say three more I'll be steppin on yo muthaf***in head!"
Now, Brutal lived in the jungle in an old oak tree.
Bullshittin malmo everyday of the week.
Why, everyday before the sun go down,
Malmo would kick his ass all through the jungle town.
But Brutal got wise and started usin his wit.
Said, "I'm gon' put a stop to this ole ass kickin shit!"
So he ran up on malmo the very next day.
Said, "Oh Mr. Malmo, there's a big, bad muthaf***a comin your way.
And when you meet, it's gonna be a goddamn sin,
And wherever you meet some ass is bound to bend."
Said, "he's somebody that you don't know,
He just broke a-loose from the Ringlin Brother's show."
Said, "Baby, he talked about your people in a helluva way!
He talked about your people till my hair turned gray!
He said your daddy's a freak and your momma's a whore.
Said he spotted you running through the jungle sellin asshole from door to door!
Said your sister did the damndest trick.
She got down so low and sucked a earthworm's dick.
Said he spotted yo niece behind the tree,
Screwin a muthaf***in flea!
He said he saw yo aunt sittin on the fence
Givin a goddamn zebra a french.
Then he talked about yo mammy and yo sister Lou,
Then he start talkin about how good yo grandmaw screw.
Said yo sister's a prostitute and yo brother's a punk,
And said I'll be damned if you don't eat all the pussy you see every time you get drunk!
He said he cornholed your uncle and f***ed your aunty and niece,
And next time he see yo grandmaw he gonna get him another good piece.
Said your brother died with the whoopin cough and your uncle died with the measles
And your old grandpaw died with a rag chunked up in his ass, said he's goin on home to Jesus.
And you know yo little sister that ya love so dear
I f***ed her all day for a bottle of beer.
So, Mr. Malmo, you know that ain't right.
Whenever you meet the elephant be ready to fight."
So malmo jumped up in a helluva rage!
Like a young muthaf***a full of gage.
He let out a roar!
Tail shot back like a forty-four.
He went through the jungle knockin down trees,
Kickin giraffes to their knees.
The he ran up on the elephant talkin to the swine.
He said, "All right you big, bad muthaf***a. It's gonna be yo ass or mine."
The elephant looked at him outta the corner of his eyes.
Said, "Alright go ahead home you little funny-bunny muthaf***a and pick on somebody your own size.
Malmo jumped up and made a fancy pass.
The elephant side-stepped him and kicked him dead in his ass.
He busted up his jaw, f***ed up his face.
Broke all four legs, snatched his ass outta place.
He picked him up, slammed him to the tree.
Nothin but malmo shit as far as you could see.
He pulled out his nuts, rolled em in the sand.
And kicked his ass like a natural man!
They fought all night and all the next day.
Somehow malmo managed to get away.
But he drug his ass back to the jungle more dead than alive.
Just to run into that little monkey Brutal and some more of his signifying jive!
The monkey looked at him and said, "Goddamn ole partner, you don't look so swell."
Said, "Look like to me you caught a whole lotta hell."
Said, "Yo eyes is all red and yo asshole is blue,
I knew in the beginning it wasn't shit to you.
There's one thing you and me gotta get straight
Cause you one ugly cocksucker I sure do hate!
Now, when you left, the jungle rung
Now you bring yo dog ass back here damn near hung.
Look muthaf***a, ain't you a bitch!
Yo face look like you got the Seven Year Itch!
I told my wife before you left,
I should kicked yo ass my muthaf***in self!
Why I seen you when he threw you into that tree,
Cause some of that ole lion shit got on me!
Why every night when me and my wife is tryin to get a little bit,
Here you come around here with some that old "I owe" shit!
Shut up! Don't you roar!
Cause I'll bail outta this tree and whoop yo dog-ass some more!
And don't look up here with yo sucka-paw case.
Cause I'll piss through the bark of this tree in yo muthaf***in face!"
The monkey got happy, started jumpin up and down.
His feet missed the limb and his ass hit the ground.
Like a streak of lighting and a ball of white heat,
Malmo was on his ass with all four feet.
Dust rolled and tears came into the little monkey's eyes,
The little monkey said, "Look Mr. malmo, I apologize!"
Said, "If you let me get my nuts out the sand,
I'll fight yo ass like a natural man!
Look muthaf***a, ain't you a bitch, you ain't raisin no hell,
Cause everybody saw you jump on me after I slipped and fell."
Said, "If you'll fight like men should
I'd whoop yo ass all over these woods!"
This made malmo mad!
It was the boldest challenge he ever had.
He squared off for the fight,
But that little monkey Brutal jumped damn near outta sight!
Landed waaay up in a banana tree and began to grin.
Sayin, "Look here you big, bad muthaf***a, you been bullshitted again!
Why, I'll take me one of these bananas,
And whoop on yo ass till it sing the Star Spangled Banner!"
And said, "If you ever mess with me again,
I'm gonna send you back to my elephant friend!"
Said, "The things I told you will never part,
But what I'm gonna tell you know will break yo muthaf***in heart!"
Your mammy ain't no good and yo sister's been a whore"
Said, "I had that bitch on the corner for a year or more!"
But malmo looked up with a helluva frown.
Roared so loud that little monkey fell back to the ground.
The little monkey Brutal looked up and said "Please, Mr. malmo! Please don't take my life!
Cause I got thirteen kids and a very sickly wife!"
Said, "All of my money to you I'll give, Mr. malmo,
Please just let me live!"
But the lion kicked him in his ass and broke his neck,
Left that little monkey in a helluva wreck.
Brutal looked to the sky,
With tears in his eyes.
Nothin he could see or nothin he could hear,
But he knew that it was the end of his bulllshittin and signifyin career!