I give it an 8/10. Generally well crafted, but the dildo was a red flag for me.
I give it an 8/10. Generally well crafted, but the dildo was a red flag for me.
Doesn't matter if the OP is a troll. This stuff is very common.
Only one poerson has brought up the possibility that she's a lesbian. This idea that some women are just not into sex is bogus, unless they have a medical condition or are hitting menopause.
My wife and I had a good sex life for most of our marriage but she did get a medical condition and now sex is painful. It's called interstitial cystitis and it's not curable. It's been tough for the last few years. I feel for her because the pain can be debilitating but I still miss the sex and intimacy.
Massage her nightly. Caress her. You brag you last a long time, but that's not important to your wife, only your ego. In fact, she might be faking her orgasms, because she can't get any from you, and then getting some from masturbation. Why? Because there's a good chance you're not a very good lover. Woman like intercourse, but the art they appreciate the most is sensuality, most of which takes place in foreplay. Learn to be in your senses and spend time exploring her body lightly, as if you were touching the most delicate thing in the universe. Intercourse is not the destination. The destination is the moment, and you communicating your feelings through your touch. Oral sex might happen might not, you'll get there when you get there. That's what a woman wants; you opening up and being in your senses, and making her feel like you're really there. In terms of orgasms, she should be having some long before you get to intercourse. I guarantee you, if you go sensual and gentle, using your hands, lips, tongue, and fingers, and explore her like she was the most beautiful, curvy, and soft thing in the universe. She'll want more. Be in the present. Believe.
not sure why this is surprising. If you get married you better get married just because you want a good friend and you must not like and do without sex! IF you cannot do this for the rest of your life then don't get married. Have a child with your best friend and then just have fun. Still shocks me people get married thinking they will have awesome sex 30 times a week for 50 years lmaooo I would be shocked if you pass 5 years.
Brenda Martinez's Husband wrote:
Man use your tongue. My woman can't get enough of that.
yes she can.
blackkard wrote:
not sure why this is surprising. If you get married you better get married just because you want a good friend and you must not like and do without sex! IF you cannot do this for the rest of your life then don't get married. Have a child with your best friend and then just have fun. Still shocks me people get married thinking they will have awesome sex 30 times a week for 50 years lmaooo I would be shocked if you pass 5 years.
And just what are you supposed to do - go celibate for the rest of your marriage?
Marriage is a journey. It's going to change as you go, because nothing in this universe ever stays the same. You made a vow to flow with the changes. Think of what you see as a problem in your wife's behavior as a problem in your thinking. She is who she is right now. And right now, you're holding the past against her. Everything you describe in your OP is the past, and is no longer real, except in your head. Any pattern that you think is real, isn't. Take the message from my lesson number one above, which is to be in your senses and to be in the present with your wife. RIght now, you're in the past. Wake up to the moment, and be creative. Do something different. Think different. Let go, and stop holding the past against her. She'll respond to that, because she'll sense that you are there. Right now, you're not present.Instead, play. You're not very playful anymore are you?
Lesson Number Two wrote:
Marriage is a journey. It's going to change as you go, because nothing in this universe ever stays the same. You made a vow to flow with the changes. Think of what you see as a problem in your wife's behavior as a problem in your thinking. She is who she is right now. And right now, you're holding the past against her. Everything you describe in your OP is the past, and is no longer real, except in your head. Any pattern that you think is real, isn't. Take the message from my lesson number one above, which is to be in your senses and to be in the present with your wife. RIght now, you're in the past. Wake up to the moment, and be creative. Do something different. Think different. Let go, and stop holding the past against her. She'll respond to that, because she'll sense that you are there. Right now, you're not present.Instead, play. You're not very playful anymore are you?
The dude just wants to fvck. He's not looking for a journey in transcendental meditation.
Forget the fvckin lessons wrote:
The dude just wants to fvck. He's not looking for a journey in transcendental meditation.
Dude, I've been married a long time. Here's lesson number three: your wife is not a fvckbag. She's a living breathing human being with an inner life, just like you have an inner life. If you're woman is taking refuge in sex toys and avoiding your amazing thrusts, then you the man are not meeting her needs. Good sex is a meditation. It takes focus and presence. You have to be in your senses and be sensitive to your woman's needs. Marriage is a long journey, and if you don't learn to live in the present with your wife, and not learn how to forgive her trespasses (a.k.a. letting go of the past in your head), then you are in for a bumpy ride. A bumpy ride of your own creation. The marriage becomes an exercise in finger-pointing, mainly you pointing your finger at your wife for not being what you expect her to be. Marriage takes creativity. If you just live in a reactive state, pointing your fingers, your doomed. In fact, if that's how you live, then none of your marriages are going to work.
very true. learned this one early luckily.
mid-late 40s, married 20+ yrs wrote:
my wife initiates sex 90% of the time. We do it 3-4 times/month. It's very important to me that I please her & I take respinsibility for that as my #1 goal. We're better in bed than ever, even though we don't do it all the time. I've learned the right buttons to push & how/when to push them...
Make it all about her & not about you, and you may get somewhere. She's not just a receptacle to get your rocks off in.. Don't 'do it' until it's obvious she's ready for you. If that means 30 minutes of 4play, so be it. Quit thinking about sex as something that's 'for you' and make it all about her. Then it may start to work for ya..
Sounds like you two fellows are doing all the work and not gettin much in return.
. . . wrote:
very true. learned this one early luckily.
mid-late 40s, married 20+ yrs wrote:my wife initiates sex 90% of the time. We do it 3-4 times/month. It's very important to me that I please her & I take respinsibility for that as my #1 goal. We're better in bed than ever, even though we don't do it all the time. I've learned the right buttons to push & how/when to push them...
Make it all about her & not about you, and you may get somewhere. She's not just a receptacle to get your rocks off in.. Don't 'do it' until it's obvious she's ready for you. If that means 30 minutes of 4play, so be it. Quit thinking about sex as something that's 'for you' and make it all about her. Then it may start to work for ya..
yes that's what marriage is lol stop lying to yourself thinking its something different and you might have a different outcome. You wont be having sex so get used to masturbation. IF you want a great friend with no sex get married its as simple as that why is this so difficult for some men to understand man you guys have been seriously brainwashed by Disney movies lol.
To the OP:Is your wife hot? Could it simply be that she is having an affair? I find myself from time to time at the bar chatting up married women and about 50% of the time we end up in bed. Could be she is being satisfied elsewhere by a real man.
I absolutely agree. Heed this post. Some of you young guys who think you are satisfying your gal, keep re-evaluating.
mid-late 40s, married 20+ yrs wrote:
my wife initiates sex 90% of the time. We do it 3-4 times/month. It's very important to me that I please her & I take respinsibility for that as my #1 goal. We're better in bed than ever, even though we don't do it all the time. I've learned the right buttons to push & how/when to push them...
Make it all about her & not about you, and you may get somewhere. She's not just a receptacle to get your rocks off in.. Don't 'do it' until it's obvious she's ready for you. If that means 30 minutes of 4play, so be it. Quit thinking about sex as something that's 'for you' and make it all about her. Then it may start to work for ya..
If your marriage is seeming a bit dull, then you have become dull and habitual. If you've reached a place where you are building a body of evidence to support a belief that "my spouse doesn't_____" or "my spouse is_____", then you have become paranoid, and are selectively remembering things to support a belief you hold in the present. Cutting out anything that doesn't fit your theory about your spouse. Stop that. Wake up. Get back to your senses and see the world as it is...now. Now is all you ever have. The wife you see right now is new, unless you pigeonhole her into your body of evidence that you've collected. If you can't see her as she is now, then the only thing you're relating to is the image you created of her, not her. Understand. What you think she is, is not what she is. Your thought is a thought, and you're relating to that, not her reality in the present. Once you understand this, you'll be free to create a new relationship in the present. You'll cease being habitual in your thought. You'll cease tearing her down in your mind. You'll cease making theories and being paranoid about her.
If you expect anyone in your life to stay the same, then you're not in touch with the facts of life. Each change is invite for you to change. To be creative. To play. To have fun with who the other is now. If you hold on to who she was, then you're lost in your mind, and not in touch with the present.
This is lesson number four. Think it over. Then free yourself from your circular thought, paranoia, and buildings of bodies of evidence to prove her guilty of the crime of not letting you have intercourse with her as much as she once did. Be creative.
Alright, I have to say most of the responses to this post are ridiculous (especially the ones about caving to a divorce and completely ignoring the fact that you and your wife PROMISED to commit to one another FOREVER when you said your vows on your wedding day...do those vows mean anything to anyone anymore?). Now, for some actual good advice that takes both you and your wife into consideration.
First of all I am an extremely in love married woman, and I have sex with my husband at least once a day (seriously, not exaggerating at all). We absolutely are so in love with one another and how do I know this? Because we talk about it each day to make sure that we are giving one another what we need. Why? Because we care about each other and are focused on the commitment part of our marriage. Alright, that established, I'm now going to go into the part about WHY I enjoy having sex with my husband so much so that I am frequently the one who initiates it. I write this in hopes that this will give you insight into how to reach your wife in a similar way.
My husband seeks to be selfless. Yup, it's really that simple. Why does he do this? Because he truly deeply loves me. Let me go into more detail, since I know guys love detail. My husband seeks to pleasure me first, before himself! I know, I'm continually amazed by him! Rather than focusing on him reaching an orgasm, for instance, he focuses on me reaching one...yes, he's really quite amazing. You see, marriages that work are actually a cycle. The man seeks to love his wife (whatever her love language might be...possibly gift-giving, physical touch which doesn't always mean sex, words of affirmation such as calling her beautiful more often, quality time spent with her such as long talks and good attempts at listening to her, or lastly acts of service, which could mean doing the dishes for her or other little things that might make her pleasantly surprised). I STRONGLY encourage you to figure out what your wife's love language is! I know it sounds silly, but if you actually began to live this stuff out your wife will be blown away! Not to forget the other part of the cycle however. You see, as my husband focuses on loving me and tapping into my love language (this works, I tell you), I begin to give back to him! Since I feel emotionally close to him after his efforts to love me how I need to be loved, I can't help but do the same for him. I want to make HIM feel good, feel loved, feel respected. And you see, it's a cycle, it can be constant, as long as both do their part :) However, please don't think your wife will change in the first day or week or whatever, your job is to focus on loving her, giving to her, making her feel good, and I tell you, she will begin to change albeit slowly. Now it's up to you, if you believe your marriage is worth it or not, which honestly, you sound like someone who does. I wish you the best!!! Sorry this is so long!
Lesson Number Five:
Read the above post by Coming From a Woman. Beautifully said.
I don't know if the original post is trolling or not, yet it does seem to describe a common scenario. To me, part of the underlying cause of the problem is the self-centered perspective. I'm not saying they are unreasonable requests, yet all the intentions, actions, and expectations described are self-centered. There appears to be frustration due to "not getting my way". A person may act with consideration (preparing a dinner), assertiveness (initiating or stating needs), passiveness (stop initiating) or kindness (giving a backrub after a hard days work). Yet, if all of these actions are motivated by wanting more sex, there will be frustration if those expectations are not met. I heard a lot in the story about wanting to be understood and getting my needs met, yet heard very little about truly wanting to understand the spouse and concern for her needs. There was very little empathy, love, and concern for the welfare of the spouse. The sex log seemed to be used more as a leverage tool to increase sex, than gathering awareness that could increase the health of the marriage. And confronting a spouse and suggesting s/he has been adulterous is harmful and hurtful - especially when you know it isn't true. It's wrong and the spouse is owed an apology and an amend. If my spouse confronted me and suggested I was sleeping with other women, I would be deeply hurt. I would probably have a similar reaction as the woman described in the story - i.e. start to distance myself from my spouse - especially in regards to sexual intimacy.