Never been on a plane before. Please tell me everything I need to know about flying.

Will E wrote:

It's a little known fact that the sign to give a flight attendant, to let her know you want her, is to discreetly have your zipper down. If she is interested in you, she will ask you if you would like a drink. That's her sign to you.

At that point, when the plane lands she wants you to wait inside until she comes off the plane. You're guaranteed to get some flight attendant tail; and it's usually the some of the best you'll have.

The average age of a flight-attendant is 44. It's higher for females. 25% of flight-attendants are male, most of them young, carefree and gay.

I would say dress in layers. I frequently find myself cold on planes, especially if I am trying to sleep. A light jacket can double as a pillow or a blanket depending on the temperature of the plane.

Check your gate number on one of the screens prior to going through security. It's a pain to go through security to find that the gate was changed.

If you do not have checked bags, you can print your boarding pass at home and skip the check in counter. If you don't have a printer, and don't have a checked bag, most places will have kiosks where you can check in and print your boarding pass.

Keep your boarding pass and ID somewhere accessible. When standing in the security line, keep them in your hand. No one wants to wait for you to pull them out. Take everything out of your pockets (cell phone, money, keys) prior to entering the security line and put it in your carry-on bag or backpack. After the TSA guy checks your pass and ID throw it in your bag to go through the xray.

During takeoff and landing you must have all electronics turned off including cell phones and mp3 players. Many flight attendants don't really care, but some do.

The flight is too full for your carry on luggage, they will take it before you board to store it below. Sometimes they will bring it back to the jetway when you exit, other times they will send it to the baggage claim.

Planes are very dry. Drink water.

Recently I've had a string of very rough flights with people panicking. Keep in mind that the odds are you won't crash.

Please be safe on your drive to the airport. Statistically, this is the most dangerous part of your trip.

Lol. I arrived safely sweetheart

At the gate. Love you. I'll do my best to make good choices.

Make sure you feel up the stewardesses every chance you get.

Josh Hamilton's Addiction wrote:

domestic pro wrote:

- i know you like yourself a beer or two, so be sure to have a drink once they start serving them.

This is a point I was going to ask about. Beers on a plane obviously cost money, right? About how much does a beer cost? Probably not allowed to bring a flask onto the plane, right?

figure on $5-10 per. some flights don't take cash anymore, plastic only. everyone says you get more dehydrated on flights because you are at a cabin pressure equivalent altitude of 6-7000', but i think it's the dry air in the cabin that is more of an issue. if you have some Ricola's at home lying around, maybe pack a few.

the flask won't fly. you wouldn't get it past the initial screening where they check you and your bags. also, some people say wear flip flops, and yeah that's easier i guess, but if you have compression socks i'd highly recommend wearing them. that and the upgraded seat with 6-10" more leg room is a game changer.

Aren't you some hotshot Manhattanite droppin Jacksons on park chess games? You ain't never flown before??

might be wejo wrote:

Aren't you some hotshot Manhattanite droppin Jacksons on park chess games? You ain't never flown before??

Never needed to.

Don't bathe for a couple of weeks before flying because clean skin burns more quickly in the event of a crash.

If your plane flies through turbulence make sure to scream "We're all going to die!!!!" and whimper loudly in your seat. This will alert the flight attendants to the situation and will be appreciated by your fellow passengers.

The person next to you is called your "flight buddy." There's an unwritten rule that the flight buddy of a 1st time flier has to buy him as many drinks as he wants to make the flight go smoother. So don't be shy about asking your flight buddy to pay for all of your drinks.

Also, make sure to tell your flight buddy about all of your religious beliefs so that if you are incapacitated in a crash they will know whether you want to be put on a ventilator or receive other heroic medical procedures.

This thread is fraking funny as pinas. Okay, I will be boarding soon! The flight is 3 1/2 hrs. My sweater is out. I'll turn my phone to airport mode soon. Glad I didn't take the train. Unpredictable. And I just tinkled.

Don't wear artificial fibers. They will stick to your skin as you burn.

Wear compression socks to prevent DVT.

Always sit at a window seat to avoid being hit by falling hand luggage.

Don't open the window.

Don't fire a gun, as bullet holes in the fuselage can result in decompression.

Locate the nearest nun if you need to translate jive.

Always make sure your elbow protrudes as far as possible over the other side of the armrest.

Do not breath the cabin air. The flight attendant can provide an oxygen mask upon request.

Always wear a life vest before take-off. It's located under your seat.

Smoking cigarettes is illegal. Stick to cigars or pipes.

2 or 3 wrote:

Southwest Airlines is famous for having the first two checked bags free

you know that they aren't really free, right?

heres something you didnt know wrote:

2 or 3 wrote:

Southwest Airlines is famous for having the first two checked bags free

you know that they aren't really free, right?

Yes, they aren't "free" in the sense that nothing is free. However, they are "indirectly free."

However, if I have these two options, I'm picking option one.

1. Southwest: 200 dollar ticket, no baggage cost. (and assuming that I need to check in two bags. Recently I did have to do this)

2. Delta: 170 dollar ticket, 50 dollar baggage cost.

megabus wrote:

If you do not have checked bags, you can print your boarding pass at home and skip the check in counter. If you don't have a printer, and don't have a checked bag, most places will have kiosks where you can check in and print your boarding pass.

Don't bother with printing it. Just download to your phone and they scan it at security and when you board.

If you are vain, avoid the window seat or your hair will get messed up.

Somebody before said to dress light, that is terrible advice. Dress in layers.

heres something you didnt know wrote:

2 or 3 wrote:

Southwest Airlines is famous for having the first two checked bags free

you know that they aren't really free, right?

Economists have demonstrated that unlike free hotel breakfasts, the first two bags on Southwest are in fact free. Unfortunately, the html used by Letsrun keeps me from reproducing the mathematical symbols in my autoregressive conditional heteroskedasticity model that proves this point.

o.O wrote:

Go to the airline counter at the airport

check in

check bags if you have any

secure your carry on

figure out your gate

find your gate

wait to board the plane

board plane

pay attention to safety brief or not

fly on plane.

Uhm, planning to set him up for the anal probe by TSA?

You missed a few things. Here it is step by step, seems like a lot but it is pretty routine. I've traveled all over the world.

1. Read in the pre-flight advice on your airlines website.

2. Read from TSA's website what you can and cannot carry on; or put in checked luggage.

3. Arrived at leat 90minutes before your flight...they will probably tell you 2 hours, this is because of possible lines at security checks.

4. If you buy your ticket online, you'll have a check in code.

5. That check in code is something you can use to self check in at a kiosk -- it is like using an atm touch screen.

6. That kiosk will give you a boarding card.

7. Try not to check in any luggage, try to carry on, research online what size bag will be considered a carry on.

8. Now, you can got to a check in desk for your airline (when you are getting to the airport there will be overhead signs telling you where your airline's check in desks are. Also, when you get to the airport, you wan to be dropped off at "Departures" not "Arrivals.

9. Whether you check in by self check in/kiosk, or at the desk, you'll end up with a boarding card.

10. You have to have a current government issued ID.

11. Have your ID and boarding card ready for the TSA security check.

12. BTW, if you do have luggage you need to check sometimes there is curbside check in...people you take your luggage, tag it, check you in for your flight, and give you a boarding pass.

13. Your boarding pass will have Gate numbers on it, like "C7"

14. Look up, you'll see signs directing you to various gates ala" "Gates C1-C22" and an arrow, find the one you need and follow it.

15. Next you will get to a TSA security check. What that means is have your idea and boarding card ready. Do not have a knife on you are a beverage or water bottle. Again, read online what you can and cannot carry on.

16. Depending on the business, you'll wait a while, then you will have your id checked by security and your boarding pass...there will then probably be another wait in line and then...

17. You'll be at security, here you will have to put any electronic devices in a small square box/tub to go through xray scanning. If you have a phone, laptop, ipad, whatever, it goes in the/a tub too. Your laptop etc., has to be out of it's case in a tub.

18. You're to have to take off your shoes and put them in a tub too. And your belt if it has a large metallic belt buckle.

19. You'll push your stuff on the conveyer towards the scanner.

20. When your stuff is through the scanner you will go through a metal detector...and if they are still using them...at some airports a body scanner/xray machine...kid you not

21. You'll be asked to step into the metal detector or scanner...if you have a big watch on or something, you may have to take that off.

22. You'll get through the scanner...

23. Collect your stuff...

24. Look again for signs to gates

25. Follow signs to gate.

PS, very occasionally during high security times,or in some countries, they will "swab" your hands, looking for evidence of explosive chemical contact, or gun use. (The was real bad all over Europe after 9/11.

There will be over priced food and beverage after security.

Good luck, have fun.

The evil airlines are exploiting your need to travel in order to make a profit. Plane rides should be a basic human right.