Never been on a plane before. Please tell me everything I need to know about flying.

Just rent the movie "Flight" and you'll know enough

I obviously don't mind jokes, but can I get some real advice too?

Go to the airline counter at the airport

check in

check bags if you have any

secure your carry on

figure out your gate

find your gate

wait to board the plane

board plane

pay attention to safety brief or not

fly on plane.

One thing you should know is that if you hear a chime or a bell shortly after takeoff, this means the plane is about to crash. The pilots use this system to alert the flight attendants without alarming the passengers.

o.O wrote:

Go to the airline counter at the airport

check in

check bags if you have any

secure your carry on

figure out your gate

find your gate

wait to board the plane

board plane

pay attention to safety brief or not

fly on plane.

How long before the flight do I need to arrive?

1. Your probly not going to die.

2. The pilot wants to survive as much as you do ( he's on your side ).

3. When seated look at those birds flying around:

When a bird gets lodged in both jet engines you've lost "thrust".

Good luck.

I wear a parachute on all my flights.

Take a pair of high-rating earplugs, or good sound-blocking headphones. Being trapped for several hours within earshot of a whiny kid or loudmouth grownup can be, shall we say, rawther vexing.

If you're seated next to a big fat person (you're flying to the Midwest, so it's a real possibility--actually it's a possibility on any flight that has Americans), make sure that the armrest between the two seats is down. In fact, your best bet when getting on a plane is to put down both of your seat's armrests immediately, even if your seatmates haven't boarded yet. Big fat people are *not* entitled to more than one seat, unless they've paid for more than one.

hi

Is always best to have the number of landings equal the number of take-offs. Da!

Flying is great, enjoy it!

It's a little known fact that the sign to give a flight attendant, to let her know you want her, is to discreetly have your zipper down. If she is interested in you, she will ask you if you would like a drink. That's her sign to you.

At that point, when the plane lands she wants you to wait inside until she comes off the plane. You're guaranteed to get some flight attendant tail; and it's usually the some of the best you'll have.

Will E wrote:

It's a little known fact that the sign to give a flight attendant, to let her know you want her, is to discreetly have your zipper down. If she is interested in you, she will ask you if you would like a drink. That's her sign to you.

At that point, when the plane lands she wants you to wait inside until she comes off the plane. You're guaranteed to get some flight attendant tail; and it's usually the some of the best you'll have.

If she asks you if you want a second drink, that's the universal sign that she wants you to meet her in back right now!

Start praying now you don't sit next to a fat person that brought snacks for the whole flight.

It's 50-50. Either the plane goes down or it doesn't .

To avoid being hijacked, carry a gun. After all, what are the odds of two people having a gun on the same flight.

depends on the time of day. I usually get there an hour before boarding time, use the check in machine to get my boarding pass, then go through security. You will have to take off your belt, shoes, and anything metal and push them through a scanner. Re-assemble yourself and find your gate. They will call you by boarding zones. Your seat will be listed on your boarding pass. Ta-da. Oh if you have a connecting flight you will pick up BOTH boarding passes when checking in.

Josh Hamilton's Addiction wrote:

o.O wrote:

Go to the airline counter at the airport

check in

check bags if you have any

secure your carry on

figure out your gate

find your gate

wait to board the plane

board plane

pay attention to safety brief or not

fly on plane.

How long before the flight do I need to arrive?

Standard response is arrive two hours before flight takes off for domestic flights, three hours for international flights. If you aren't checking in anything, you can probably arrive a bit earlier.

Check flights on cheaptickets.com, expedia.com, etc and fly on Tuesday/Wednesday in general for cheapest flights. Most airlines charge about 25 for each checked bag. Southwest Airlines is famous for having the first two checked bags free and I think Jet Blue gives you the first one free. I'm assuming that you did an internet search on this right?

2 or 3 wrote:

Standard response is arrive two hours before flight takes off for domestic flights, three hours for international flights. If you aren't checking in anything, you can probably arrive a bit earlier.

Check flights on cheaptickets.com, expedia.com, etc and fly on Tuesday/Wednesday in general for cheapest flights. Most airlines charge about 25 for each checked bag. Southwest Airlines is famous for having the first two checked bags free and I think Jet Blue gives you the first one free. I'm assuming that you did an internet search on this right?

This is better than an internet search because I know the people from Letsrun. Thanks for the advice so far. Question: How big can a carry on be? I have a medium sized dufflebag that will be more than enough for carrying clothes. Can I carry that on?

Do you have to tip the TSA guy for feeling you up?