Am I an idiot? Just broke up with my hot, fast (16:30 5k), cool, fun GF who loves me

I'm 46, and had completely fallen for a hot fast female back in the day. Smart too. Lots in common, except for religion. She beleived her brother when he said, and I quote, "he'll never be your spritual leader." No lie, that was the breakup line. Of course, that brother had not met me ever, nor is that part of the job description.

Your post earlier, women are nuts, is correct. And the faster they are, seemingly, the more nuts they are. Sad but true.

And, you are confident in finding another woman, so good for you.

But I want to ask you this, will you be happier with someone who doesn't run? Ultimately, running brings with it certain values, hard work, dedication, general sense of health and well being, but more than anything a purpose to life. A goal, if you will.

Having dated and married non-runners, I can say that without question, people not sports related do not set the same type of goals that runners do, nor do that have the same get after it outlook on life.

If, after 2 years of being together you are absolutely sure you don't see a future with her, and that you can find someone more closely related to your values, then by all means move on. Just be sure you know what your values are.

Ultimately, kids, looks fade. People change. Life wears you down. But you're still going to have to live with this person when you've got 2 kids and a mortgage. It's values which count. If the values are similar, and you have similar views on life, restaurants and music in the car on the long drive to her mother's house for Thanksgiving dinner, then you've got something good going on.

And always remember, that crazy mother of hers? When she gets old, she's moving into your house. So make sure you can handle that too.

whats interesting is you assult my responce as if you know what your doing...if thats the case wtf are you doing on here asking for advice? because im right and your insicurities was what caused you to walk away.

if you have soooo many hot girls lined up and no this was the correct move why need closure from letsrun peeps? your either a troll, or an idiot....time will show that i am correct, cause i did the same stupid thing

agapius mackwamba - spiritual leader. wow, i woulda been done with that shit too.

I will NOT be happier with someone who doesn't run (or is at least a tri-athlete or loves a certain sport to the degree i love running). I've always played sports and/or ran, and I emjoy eating healthy. I want someone with the same values! Which this girl has, and my previous ex-girlfriend had. So that's my problem. I've dated a fast, beautiful runner chick before, just like I was yesterday and I have had stronger feelings. So, am I chasing those feelings again?

You say if after 2 years, I still feel the same to move on. Why 2 years? Why string her along for another 6 months only to do this same crap all over again?

I hear you on everything wearing down. I just don't see my future wearing down with her :-(

Also, what category should I put you in? I'm an idiot or I'm not an idiot?

i agree with spencer - Sorry you feel that way. I was not trying to assault you. I just felt like your argument had some contradiction in it.

I do not have chicks lined up for me. I was just making a point that I know datable girls who are not shanks so I am not worried about your previous comment. That's all.

Also, can you pls just spell insecurities correctly. That's twice now and it's killing me.

Stop living with girls. You are young and need to date a LOT of different women in order to have any skill with relationships. She'll be pissed off for a while, maybe longer but don't take it personally, someone had to have the guts to recognize things weren't working out. You were buddies, not lovers. Own up to your responsibility, learn from your mistakes (biggest=living with her) and move on.

yes, you are an idiot. this is a problem you should have solved 1.5 years ago. grow a pair and do what you know needs to be done. you already know what that is

Let's put it this way. The fact of the matter is after you broke up with her you aren't thinking "YES! I'm FREE!" you're thinking "Wait... was... was that a bad idea?" That right there should tell you that you obviously have feelings for her.

A good rule of thumb is if you're doubting something, chances are you're probably right (In terms of "I think this is a bad idea" or "should I have done that?" etc).

Get back together! Be in the few percent of the people who come to this website who are happy.

Not to be a complete ass, but I can't help but agree with Life comes at you fast, then you die. Sometimes you just have to settle. If you get married and you can't make it work, you get a divorce. Do you know how many lonely people there are? Are you so f'ing self-absorbed that you think some dream girl out there exists and the two of you will run into the sunset and have beautiful children and live a care-free wonderful life? Do you honestly think every married couple out there is actually happy?

SIIB. It's that simple.

quick thing, don't limit yourself to women who are fast or even ones who run. My girlfriend was a basketball player in high school and ran track recreationally, she still understands the demands of training and all that jazz and frankly I wouldn't trade her for anyone. IMHO i think that you need to take a good look at things, she sounds like a catch so make sure that you aren't just hitting a rough patch. Maybe you don't realize that at one time you really wanted to be with her, and right now you are just losing interest a bit. Ask yourself, can you do better? Do you want to do better?

best answer yet.

The superficial things like the looks and the 5k times go away in time. Plus, people change so much in their 20s. (I know I did.) You might both be different people 5 years from now.

Stay with someone you feel a deep and lasting connection to. Just because she may seem like this great girl that you "should" be really into b/c she has it all down (on paper), if you don't feel it, you don't feel it. It's not fair to string someone along when you've already got one foot out. You need to be with someone you "adore", and she deserves someone who "adores" her.

A couple people have mentioned breaking up with a GF who was "hot", because you weren't attracted to her.

Huh? How could she be hot if you weren't attracted to her? It sounds to me that anyone feeling this way is extremely confused!

Also, what does this mean, "I've had better feelings than this." Look, your feelings come from YOU, not the person you are with. Maybe you're looking for someone to live/create YOUR life for you. Does this mean that YOUR life is empty? Perhaps the best person to be with is the one who lets you live YOUR LIFE. I hope you'll soon give up on the notion of someone making you feel good with YOUR LIFE, and start living for yourself.

I get the impression that a few of the women posting here are encouraging you to break up with her, not for you, but so SHE can get on with HER LIFE, without you.

Run2b... you keep saying you feel she is not "the one"... why is that? What qualities would "the one" have? What qualities does this one have that you like, or don't like? Would "the one" be the opposite of her? I get the very strong impression that you don't know what you want, and also that you were not used to living with a woman before this, is a key. The learning curve is quite steep at this point.

Frank Longer - Agreed. I made a mistake, I should not have started living with her. I learned my lesson with that one.

As far as dating a lot of other girls goes... The last time I was single, I tried this and I'm just not that type of person. Don't get me wrong, I hooked up with my fair share of girls but never wanted to date any of them. I pretty much know after hanging out with a girl once or twice if they are worth me pursuing. So dating a girl that I hooked up with that I know I don't really like is just not something I can do or want to do.

GettingReal - I don't know about 1.5 years ago, but maybe 1 year ago, when I started having these feelings I should have grown a pair then. But again, I was holding on to the fact that things could change.

Woohoo - I don't know if I agree with you here. I think it's fine to second guess myself, especially if it involves a big life change! Just because I'm questioning this decision doesn't mean it's not the right one.

Big Z - Again, don't know if I can agree with you. I don't have to settle. Especially in my situation. I am 25 yrs old and not married. Why settle right now? I don't want to get married anytime soon. And as I mentioned before, I consider myself down-to-earth and a realist. I don't have these fairytale/hollywood dreams of what love is. I have had what I think is love in the past and I refuse to comprise or settle for anything less. I do not see a problem with that.

Danilo Gutierrez - Not sure what this means. Please advise, thank you.

IMHO - I hear you. I don't think I limit myself tho. I think I just prefer women who run or are in shape in general and have similar qualities. Also, I said that i would be interested in girls that have my same passion for running but for a different sport. A basketball player fits that description.

I think she is a catch, but maybe just not for me. You may be right about the rough patch.

yetanotherotherchick - I know looks and 5k times go away. but similar interests, goals, values do not. I totally agree with your last paragraph. Thank you.

J.R. - Damnit man, your posts really make me think and I want to hear more. I agree with you about others making comments about breaking up bc im not attracted. Obviously, I am attracted to this girl or I wouldn't be with her in the first place. or even considering getting back together with her. Like you said, I am extremely confused.

"I had better feelings than this" means that I have had stronger feelings for another girl in the past. So this is what I relate love to. Yes, there are different levels of love out there and I can love different people in different ways. BUT, the way I love this girl doesn't warrant making the "next step" whatever that next step may be.

You bring up a good point about HER LIFE. If I were to do what's best for her and her life, I would stay broken up. Simply because I don't trust what I feel and I do not want to her anymore than I already have.

Why is she not the one? I DON'T EFFING KNOW!!! I want the majority of her qualities (attractive, runner, gets along with my family and friends, fun to be around, has goals, fun, laughs a lot, etc) in a girl, and want to check some others at the door (the insecurities, pestering/nagging me, the hi's and lo's bc i am very even-keeled, a slight immaturity, etc). I want all of her good qualities PLUS the feeling of being truly in love.

You are probably right about not know what I want. Maybe one day I will figure it out. Please explain more about the steep learning curve from this point fwd.

What is count out? I will count it up and a bit an post.

she's only average looking, I boned her last night.

Updated count:

I'm an idiot - 11 people agree

I'm not an idiot - 11 people agree

Indifferent - 4 people

Asked for the ex's contact info - 2 people

Big jump in the "indifferent catergory.

Tie ball game (unlike the world series right now) between right and wrong decision. Keep 'em comin.

Big Z wrote:

Not to be a complete ass, but I can't help but agree with Life comes at you fast, then you die. Sometimes you just have to settle. If you get married and you can't make it work, you get a divorce. Do you know how many lonely people there are? Are you so f'ing self-absorbed that you think some dream girl out there exists and the two of you will run into the sunset and have beautiful children and live a care-free wonderful life? Do you honestly think every married couple out there is actually happy?

It's better to settle for being single than to settle for being unhappily married. Are you so f'ing self-absorbed that you'd let a woman make that kind of commitment to you when you don't love her?

If you're single, you can still find women to sleep with. You can still go out with your friends. And you can still have hope that you'll meet someone you love - even people in nursing homes fall in love.

If you're unhappily married, all you have to look forward to is the PNSO and then either a divorce or a life of dull dissatisfaction and maybe the guilt of an affair.

yetanotherchick wrote:... all you have to look forward to is the PNSO ....

What kinds of "feelings" were those, feelings of sexual attraction? If so, that is certainly not enough, if anything, and such feelings can change in an instant. I would not base a relationship on sexual feelings, but that's me. Many people do. What's important to you is your choice.

The way you love this girl... aha, so you do love this girl. How do you love her, in what ways? Well it sounds like it's not time for any next step, first see where you are now. That doesn't mean it has to be all or nothing. Such things take time... such is life.

But that would be her choice not yours. It is not your place to make choices for her.

Then perhaps it's not the time to make a potentially life altering decision. One reason for being in a relationship is to discover the answers to these questions.

You need time, to grow and to learn, just like anyone. Before moving on, I think it would be a good idea to pursue your concerns with her, to see if they can be resolved in the meantime. Otherwise it could be that you'll bring the same issues (and inability to deal with them) wherever you go.

By steep learning curve is meant you are trying to figure out major things in a short period of time, which might not be possible. Rome was not built in a day, so give yourself time... to see if things can work out with her... to learn and grow in your life. And I think you're being too hard on yourself. Sorry if this rambles a bit, I'm just kind of tossing things out there and you can do with them what you wish.

J.R. wrote:

Huh? How could she be hot if you weren't attracted to her? It sounds to me that anyone feeling this way is extremely confused!

Because there's a difference between wanting to sleep with someone and wanting to listen to that person for the rest of your life.

I dated a guy who was incredibly hot. Crazy hot. And stuff you guys don't want to hear about. My girlfriends were jealous. But he was dumb as could be (and I heard that he recently ran a 6 hour marathon!) Besides that, we don't share the same political or religious beliefs, don't enjoy the same kinds of music or TV shows, and he doesn't like to read at all. And I think he became a cop.

He's still hot. But there's no possible way that I could marry him. All that we had in common was physical attraction. That's not a sufficient reason to commit the rest of your life to someone.