Am I an idiot? Just broke up with my hot, fast (16:30 5k), cool, fun GF who loves me

You are asking letsrun.com if you made a mistake here?

You repeat that she is great and has a lot of qualities you value. Why would that be "settling?" Do you think you can find someone an order of magnitude better than her in terms of how well you and potential spouse X "get along?

You gotta live life for you, so I'm not going to critique your decision. Only you are gonna know if it was the right one in the end.

I guess we will see 10 years down the road if you could have done better. Most young azzhats like yourself are always looking around the corner thinking that you are going to bag something leaner and meaner-until you don't because you are no catch yourself. I feel bad for you, you are a victim of this mythical "woman" that has been created by hollywood that is supposed to be your own personal goddess-as if they walk around waiting for stiffs like you to pick them up. Ask yourself this, do you really think you are going to end up with a Victoria Secret model that runs 15:30 and isn't totally grumpy and full of themselves all the time? The percentages point to no, so answer your own question. Know when you are lucky. The damage may already be done, which is great for the next guy that may be smarter than you.

I'll see how many others follow before giving you a rating.

Yes, you are. Can I have her number?

Are you an idiot?

yes

OK I'll bite and assume it's not a troll.

Don't know if this is you, but lots of people have ridiculously elevated ideas about romance and marriage -- that you'll be "soulmates" and feel some grand passion and sparks and all of that. Maybe some people feel this way but it's basically a phony Hollywood/romance version of what pairing up/mating is like, just like Die Hard or Lethal Weapon or the like is a phony and exaggerated version of police work. If you're waiting around for an ideal soulmate to appear and for you to be struck by lightning then maybe something IS wrong with your perception of the world.

Either way, if you know you're really not serious about her in the long run and that's one of her expectations, have some integrity, be honest with her and stay broken up. It's lousy to lead people on by giving them false hopes.

casual commentary - Thanks for your input.

I would be settling b/c I don't feel like she's the one for me. I've felt this way for awhile, but held on to the idea that just bc she's not the one right now, doesn't mean she couldn't become the one. I don't even know if that's possible, but for some reason I believed it.

I do need to live my life for me. I just have a hard time being an asshole. Which is what I need to do if this is really going to be the end.

Life comes fast, then you die - umm yea.. why are you so offended with my post? I'm not always looking for something better and I know that the grass is not always greener on the other side. I'm not looking for something hotter or faster. I based my decision purely on my feelings. ... go back to being alone in a dark apartment, jobless at 56.

notadick - not a troll. thanks

joe single - (654)459 effu

BTDT - u're probably right.

'the Great Way is easy for those

who have no preferences'

Chances are super high that you messed up. Do you get the "she's-the-one" feeling with other girls that you've spent significant (greater than 24 hours) actually talking and hanging around with? If you do, then you might have a point, but if you don't... good luck putting things back together.

Ya, I did this exact same thing with the exact same type of girl (but we had dated longer). It's not a big deal for you. Here's my advice:

(1) Take off the speed goggles - being fast is not something you should put in your top 20 most important qualities of the opposite sex.

(2) You are an idiot, but not because you broke up with someone you didn't see yourself marrying. You're an idiot because you didn't play your hand into the market while you still had that wrapped up. You could have asked out some ridiculously hot chick just to see what would have happened, then dumped your girlfriend.

(3) It's a well known fact that it's easier to attract the opposite sex if you have a girlfriend. You have a confidence buffer if you get rejected and you have a lot more swag. So, try to piece together the relationship while looking to upgrade on the side.

Gullible Bozo - thanks for you input as well.

I totally agree with the exaggerated version of love, marriage or whatever. But, I consider myself down-to-earth. On top of that, I've been in a relationship that I felt completely into it and in love (that's a totally different story, but I wasn't the one that cut things off) so I think I know what/how I am suppose to feel.

As of right now I am not serious about her in the long run. But again, I have held on to the idea just because I am not ready for marriage right now, doesn't mean I won't be ready for it later. Something to note is that anytime marriage was brought up, we both were on the same page (Noo way, not right now or anytime soon!).

But what's the right choice? Stay with her, hanging on the this idea that maybe someday I will sort my shit out and she will be the one I want to be with. risking that I date her for 4 yrs and my feelings don't change. OR get out now so I don't hurt her more later?

Dude, She is probably cheating on you.

Ever here the saying too good to be true?

you did the right thing, let it go.

Sorry for the last all bold post

NoFatty - my last post should give you your answer. i have had "she's the one" feelings with other girls (in the past). we dated for 3 years.

asdfasdf runner - thanks

(1) you're right. that should be a make or break quality. although this is letsrun so i put it there.

(2) i'm not the cheating type.

(3) again, not the cheating type. plus, i won't have any problems getting another girlfriend. not that i want one right away anyway.

Gailboi - that doesn't even warrant a response. although, i just gave you one. shit

You were honest. Good for you. I don't know why there is rush to get married at 25.

If there weren't sparks it wouldn't be fair to her to pretend. It sounds like she can find someone who will be more attracted to her. And you will likely find someone you will find more attraction to.

In ten years or twenty years, one or both of you may not be running. I think you did the right thing but it is always tough giving up something you value.

Where will you find another girl? Seriously you don't sound extravert from your story. Think about it, college is done and there is a good chance you are not going to meet a whole lot new people.

Wonder between am i better of living alone the rest of my life or better of living with her the rest of my life.

If she is fun you get along fine then why go for something that doesn't exist.You should know by now that all feelings of being in love lessen over time and good bonds can grow over time and that there is always one more in love then the other.

If i was in your shoes i'd contact her back and say you where sorry. We all get those feelings of not knowing where we will be in that amount of time.

If there is a brighter alternative correct me but as far as you tell us, she is a good thing in your life. You maybe find someone you will love more then she loves you what keeps you in love for a few years but what if one day you wake up realizing that that girl is a bitch and not respecting you and you had to let go to much of yourself just because of a feeling that is disappearing and now you are trapped. (This happens a lot to)

Tike wrote:

If she is fun you get along fine then why go for something that doesn't exist.You should know by now that all feelings of being in love lessen over time and good bonds can grow over time and that there is always one more in love then the other.

But I think that's the problem. While she may be a nice person, her main attractions seem to be that she's hot and fast. If he marries her, in 20 years, she'll be less hot and less fast. It doesn't seem like he love the future slow, middle aged version of her, since he's not even sure he loves her now. (And if anyone is thinking, then he can leave her and find someone else, wouldn't it be better to not marry her in the first place? Breaking up with a girlfriend is a lot easier than divorcing a wife).

OP, I think you're not making a mistake. Get in bed with girls who are hot and fast now, it'll be a good memory. Look for someone to marry who you love and who has qualities that will still be there over time. If being in love lessens over time, that's all the more reason that you should start out at 100%.

You did the right thing. If you don't feel it now, youre not going to "feel a spark" one day.

I've dated guys with great qualities but if you don't feel a "spark" then it's not worth pursuing.

I dated someone who seemed perfect on paper (like your chic) but deep down I knew that that person wasn't "the one." I don't know why I felt that way, I just did. I broke up with that person and met someone way better. Breaking up sucks but after a couple of weeks, you'll feel better.

Maybe consider dating someone whose not a runner with different hobbies than you to spice things up a little.

yetanotherchick - Wow, really good point. Thank you.

girl whose not a troll - Another good point, coming from someone who experienced the same feelings. Thank you!

Tike - You have any response for these guys?