I like a sandwich or maybe some cold pizza after a good bangin'. Apparently this guy likes fine dinning. What is the issue?
I like a sandwich or maybe some cold pizza after a good bangin'. Apparently this guy likes fine dinning. What is the issue?
guy who met her last night wrote:
I touched her with my 10 inch pole, and by touch I mean inserted into her three orifices over and over again.
Sorry to hear about your short-comings.
Wake Up My Friend wrote:
In a relationship such as you have with your fiance there are only two people responsible for it - you and your fiance. The other 6.4 billion people on this planet are irrelevant.
There is only one person responsible for the actions and words of your fiance - your fiance.
The fact that you lash out at some ex signifies nothing more than your own insecurity and cowardice. If there is something that should be addressed then it should be addressed with the appropriate party - your fiance.
This ^ is the answer.
hold the phone wrote:
This has nothing to do with the guy, and everything to do with whether you trust your fiancee. If you trust her, then who cares who she has dinner with and how long she spends with him. Do you think she's going to cheat on you? That she doesn't love you?
If the answer is "yes" or "maybe," you shouldn't marry her. If the answer is "no," then you don't need to act like a psycho stalking freak and call the friend she had dinner with.
To repeat, if you don't trust your fiancee to have dinner with an old friend -- alone, even in a fancy romantic restaurant or whatever -- then why on earth would you marry her?
This ^ is also the answer.
Gibby wrote:
mad and in need of advice wrote:I called him and pretty much told him to go f@@k himself.
Well, I'm not going to address the actual post much because it is obviously Troll City, but I do want to comment on the above quote:
I will never understand why a guy has to rip into another dude who is trying to tap his GF/wife. If you trust the woman, then what does it matter? He's not going to get anywhere. And if the woman doesn't want you, there is nothing you can do about it anyway. More power to the "homewrecker" for recognizing his opportunity.
The person you should be telling to F@@K OFF is your fiance, not her old high school flame.
Once again ^.
Apparently there are quite a few folks here who have some sense.
Don't marry her. She's not ready!!! Take my warning. It will ruin and define your life!! Same scenario. It ruined my brother.
You did the right thing. Now finish it. They can both explain to the world why you called it off. You owe the world nothing. This is YOUR life.
Flagpole wrote:
mad and in need of advice wrote:Flagpole, thanks, but that's tough. I hear you, but I love her. I don't know what happened last night. A bad judgment call on her part, that's what I think.
Sorry to tell it like it is brother, but that's how I see it. I don't think you owe her an apology either; SHE owes you an apology. If a woman about to be married doesn't understand why it's inappropriate to go out for drinks and then dinner with a guy who took a 45-minute train to do so, then there's something wrong with her. Unless she comes to you and says, "I wasn't thinking about how this might look and how you might react to my actions, and I'm sorry and I won't do something like that again," then you need to end it with her. Love isn't enough for marriage. There must be trust and respect, and she didn't respect you and you can't trust her. She's a rotten apple brother. I wouldn't marry her if I were you.
While I agree with most of Flagpole's response, I would have said it a little nicer.
I would talk with her and let her know how you truly feel and if she doesn't respond or ignores the situation then I would think long and hard about wanting to marry her. Unfortunately, if she is not willing to "work" the situation then more than likely she won't in the future.
Sorry, you are going through with this...I really thought it was mostly women who had this situation. Best of luck to you.
There are two points that many posters are making that this guy needs to take into account:
1. Don't concentrate your concern, anger, revenge, whatever...at this douchebag. An earlier poster was right: some assholes are just going to continually try to bang women. Women who are happy, loyal, and MARRIAGE-WORTHY are disgusted by such advances, and would probably never even put themselves in a situation where such advances could be made.
2. You should NOT marry this woman. No way. Right now, if you break things off, it's going to be tough. If she cheats on you again after you are married and THEN try to break things off, you are in for a world of hurt that will make breaking it off with her now look like a walk in the park.
Try a little experiment.
Take your girl to a nice restaurant this weekend. Apologize for your tantrum, and talk a little about your upcoming life together. Then, when you get home and she seems comfortable, watch her very carefully as you ask her if she'd like to have a threesome with this guy.
Of course, you probably already know the answer, don't you?
A report from real life: a number of years ago, my best friend got married. I traveled transcon to attend the wedding. In the few days we had to hang out, he made some comments about the bride-to-be that gave me the feeling something was "off" but I didn't press him on it.
A few years go by, they have a kid, and then she pulls one of the all-time screw jobs: convinces him to move east coast to west coast, then separates/divorces him, taking their kid back east, where she marries another lawyer at her east coast firm, with whom she'd been having an affair from the beginning of the whole maneuver.
After the divorce, I have a conversation with a mutual friend in which it comes out that, a few weeks before the wedding, the bride had stayed out all night with an old boyfriend. When she showed up at home the next morning, her attitude was: "deal with it." It wasn't the same guy she eventually wound up dumping him for in the divorce but the pattern was set.
madarin wrote:
1.Women who are happy, loyal, and MARRIAGE-WORTHY are disgusted by such advances, and would probably never even put themselves in a situation where such advances could be made.
2. You should NOT marry this woman.
seriously?? "disgusted" by a guy flirting? or only if he makes a crude sexual advance?
look maybe she could have texted or called when plans changed (i forget if she did so), but really people, is it that weird for an engaged or married woman to have dinner _once_ with a guy she knew in high school? people are going to flirt their entire lives, if you think you can stamp that out of someone, you are insanely controlling and you will constantly be unhappy and jealous.
the OP's actions here were completely out of bounds. looking at her email, calling this guy and yelling at him. it's unreal to me that anyone thinks such behavior is ok. it is controlling, it is an invasion of privacy, and it is completely out of proportion to anything that actually happened.
i've frequently had lunch or dinner or a couple of drinks, alone, with married female friends. there has never been anything remotely untoward about it. and if the husband of one of these woman called me and cussed me out, or started monitoring our email communication because of it, i'd be shocked, and i think his wife would be too. (there may be a slight difference in that all of my examples involve women i either dated or was good friends with at some point in my life).
in any event, good luck to the OP. it seems that you and your fiance are not on the same page and that you have serious trust issues at this stage of your relationship.
once, twice wrote:
a few weeks before the wedding, the bride had stayed out all night with an old boyfriend. When she showed up at home the next morning,
a) really? this is similar to a 4 hour dinner and drinks outing with an old friend?
b) i find it fascinating how little middle ground there is among most people posting here. seems like most of us defending her behavior think it is pretty close to completely "ok", even if less than ideal, while most on the other side think she's demonstrated that she's a lying tramp and the wedding should be off.
Your girlfriend cheats on you because you troll on letsrun.com
People, please: "fiance" is the word for an engaged man, "fiancee" for an engaged woman. (Yes, I know there should be accent marks as well, but not everyone has those available.)
Flagpole wrote:
mad and in need of advice wrote:Flagpole, thanks, but that's tough. I hear you, but I love her. I don't know what happened last night. A bad judgment call on her part, that's what I think.
Sorry to tell it like it is brother, but that's how I see it. I don't think you owe her an apology either; SHE owes you an apology. If a woman about to be married doesn't understand why it's inappropriate to go out for drinks and then dinner with a guy who took a 45-minute train to do so, then there's something wrong with her. Unless she comes to you and says, "I wasn't thinking about how this might look and how you might react to my actions, and I'm sorry and I won't do something like that again," then you need to end it with her. Love isn't enough for marriage. There must be trust and respect, and she didn't respect you and you can't trust her. She's a rotten apple brother. I wouldn't marry her if I were you.
Flagpole is right, and OP, how many bad judgments do you need to see the light?
Given that the original post is likely shaded in original poster's favor, by far the worst behaved of the three is likely the original poster. Once you are married, is she allowed to see ex-boyfriends in one-on-one situations? Will you be jealous or suspect something?
I am 40 now, and over the past twenty years when I have visited my hometown, I often have gone out with ex-girlfriends from high school who are married now (alone and to nice restaurants). Non-jealous husbands realize we are just friends, are going to spend most of dinner talking about other friends from high school and do not want to listen to that.
She leaves her email logged in and unlocked because she has nothing to hide (and she trusts you to not look through it). You snooping through her mail, makes you seem far worse than anything she has done.
We want update. How was the make up sex? Did you ditch her or vice versa? Threesome? Come on we all want to help.
The running community is your friend!!!
Why do the people who agree with and quote the advice from Flagpole use the term "brother" which also seems to be a habit of Flagpole himself? I have seen 2 of these responses just a few posts above.
Total agreement!
Well said.
My wife's ex was a great friend of mine. Never a problem.
God, another insecure couple. Have a nice life.
Oh well.
Assuming your original post conveys some sense of what actually happened (rather than your pissed off perspective of what happened), here's how it will go down for you:
1. Can't call off the marriage, it's too close, people already have tickets and other arrangements. Your balls aren't big enough for such drastic measures, and you think your fiancee and yourself are in love and can work things out. Remember, you're 33y.o. not 23. Your future wife shouldn't be out till 11pm with a former flame without a slew of apologies and phone calls.
2. You two will fight a lot about petty things around the house for a few years. This happens in all marriages, but your fights will eventually escalate to name calling, personal insults, and dredging up of past incidences and betrayals which is what happens in bad marriages. With luck you two will not have children.
3. Your marriage will dissolve when your wife begins to act funny, say peculiar things, and your friends begin to show outward dislike for her or make up excuses as to why they won't go out with you two or come over for dinner.
4. You will be pissed because of the 4-5 shitty years you wasted with someone you now hate, and should've known to rid yourself of long ago when all the red flags were visible. You'll be happy that at least you didn't have kids. If you were too dumb to not have kids then you will be plagued by this nemesis on a regular basis for approx. 18yrs, at your kid's wedding, and at/for every significant family event. I'm sure I'm missing a lot since this has never happened to me but has to a brother and a few friends. This template, I believe, is fairly universal.
Cheers!!