Why did you correct your spelling error, but not your grammar errors?
Why did you correct your spelling error, but not your grammar errors?
oh, gooood for you. f*** off.
Just going off the initial post and reading no responses, I can say that chances are, if you were that much of a pussy to date a girl for three years without f*cking her, then you are too much of a pussy in general and in bed. So she is no longer interested in that. There's your answer.
The replies have been interesting. For those with the mentality that life is just about sexual conquest, bang-and-run so to speak, I'm sorry to say but I'm not that sort of guy.
I am deeply in love with her and I know she feels the same. This is just a case of low libido as some have suggested. No does it suck? Hell yeah. We can communicate about it, but if she doesn't feel like having sex, I don't want to push it on her. In order for that to have any meaning beyond just a 10 sec. orgasm, both parties need to be craving it.
I just have to learn to live with it.
Love to tango wrote:
The post-nuptial shutoof thread is depressing enough. Anyone have insight as to why my girlfriend has shutoff prematurely ( even before marriage )?
We became sexually active active after 3 years of abstinence together. We've probably made love somwehere between 10-20 times, and I've enjoyed it of course.
But now she seems completely disinterested. She comes up with excuses all the time. We haven't done it in over a month, whereas before it was like 2 times a day on the weekends.
She's still very sweet with me in every other department so it's not like the relationship is going sour. It just seems like her libido or attraction for me has suddenly turned off. I don't get it.
We're both 24 years old. We should be going at it like animals. Why is she acting that way? Perhaps some women can chime in. She love sme but the sex is not part of the equation. For a guy, that's tough.
A better question is why you are broaching this question to a bunch of anonymous strangers, as opposed to the person
with whom you purport to have a strong, loving relationship.
Put the question to her, exactly as you put it to us. If you think you have to tiptoe around that question now, how does that bode for your communication post-nuptials? You seem to think this problem will go away after you tie the knot. What if you're wrong? It is a truism that getting married doesn't solve problems that exist in a relationship(such as sexual problems or problems communicating, or especially problems communicating about sexual problems); getting married just complicates them.
Perhaps you hesitate to ask her because you are afraid to hear a candid answer from the one person who knows what the answer is. But if you really want to know, give her a chance to tell you before you open it up to our guesses.
Worst case, what you hear will be a heart-breaker, and a deal-breaker. Sad as that would be, broken deals and hearts
mend a lot easier and quicker before the vows than after.
If you do marry without clearing the air, I wouldn't recommend getting your marriage counseling from a site that really specializes in questions regarding the acceptibility of a dramatic
collapse at race's end.
BTW, the appropriate term is uninterested, not disinterested. Unintersted means having no interest in something. Disintersted means having no stake.
Again...
Communication is essential. I understand that.
But, for this girl, bringing up the topic of sex in this context ( why don't you want to have more ?) makes her feel pressured and leads her to believe that I'm only interested in her physically. Why would I want to put a strain on our relationship?
This is in no way worse than the post-nuptial shut-off because you can easily walk away from the whole thing. I suggest you avail yourself of that option.
How does discussing this with her lead her to believe that you're only interested in her physically? You've been with her for 3 years without having sex. It's evident that you like other things about her.
You should bring this up, but try to bring it up like this so that you show your concern for her:
Do you enjoy the sex? Is there something we could do differently? Do you feel guilty that we're having sex before we're married?
Try to get to the root of it, and show your concern about how it is for her and why she might not be interested....Let her know that you enjoy it and want to make it good for her, too.
A Married Woman wrote:
How does discussing this with her lead her to believe that you're only interested in her physically? You've been with her for 3 years without having sex. It's evident that you like other things about her.
You should bring this up, but try to bring it up like this so that you show your concern for her:
Do you enjoy the sex? Is there something we could do differently? Do you feel guilty that we're having sex before we're married?
Try to get to the root of it, and show your concern about how it is for her and why she might not be interested....Let her know that you enjoy it and want to make it good for her, too.
thank you, this is the advice this dude needs
Love to Tango wrote: I just have to learn to live with it.
I don't want to resort to calling names, but you are a MORON OF INFINITE PROPORTION if you think you can live with this for your entire life. (This is , of course, presuming that you do actually marry this cold fish and believe that marriage is for life.)
You're simply going to have to take the chance of her feeling pressured if that's what it takes to get to the root of the problem. If you can't hunker down and attack this particular issue now, then sex will be the absolute least of your problems in marriage.
if you cant talk to her about this issue then in the future she will put up more boundries.
"why are you always talking about money?? I don't want to talk about it."
"why are you always talking about disciplining our kids?..."
etc.. pretty soon the only thing you CAN discuss is whats on the TV.
After more time to consider this I think it's most likely she's banging someone else, I'm being sincere here. To varying degrees this type of thing has happened to all of us, it goes like this:
1. You meet a girl and you fall for her.
2. She's a virgin and you take it slow with her (you might be too), it takes you anywhere from a couple of weeks, months, or if you have no balls 3 yrs to finally bang her.
3. You bang her for some period of time, think you're in love. Think she's the only one for you.
4. She back tracks the relationship, in this case quits screwing you (in other cases talks about getting less serious, going out with friends more...yada...yada...yada)
5. At this point she wants to dump you but can't get over the guilt. She let you deflower you, she rationalized it telling herself you are the one, but has now realized you are not. She doesn't know how to end it. But it will end. She likes the security of you...but is no longer into you.
This scenario happens to just about everyone at some point in time, the particulars may change but the general story is the same.
Now you have options, tell her she needs to start f*cking you again or it's over. She will not. So then break up with her, but stand your ground when she recoils and wants you back (b/c like all women they can't handle rejection, this will actually make her want you more, you could get laid out of this and dump her anyhow). This is also likely the only chance you have of staying with her in the long run...you need to break up with her...
It's entirely possible that you don't love her as much as you think you do; you may be afraid to push her to the breaking point because you're dependent on her.
If she won't talk about something so important with you, that means she doesn't trust you, or is afraid of your reaction to the truth. Both can spell the end of your relationship, but you've got to get there sooner rather than later. The "only interested in sex" argument is weak on her part, and you have more than enough ammo after 3 years to shut that shit down.
Get to the truth. The truth shall set you both free.
Wow, WWRD, I think you really have it right...I read that, and just figured out how my last relationship hit the dumper! Thanks! Didn't get to deflower her (at her age of 45) but all the rest is the same...) Women.........