Worst than the post-nuptial shutoff

Perhaps you need to question if she really loves you. If she really does love you then she would recognize your needs... specifically your sexual needs. Or perhaps you should just wait until you guys get married to continue. It would be the wise thing.

dump her

She feels guilty for breaking her abstinence vow, so has shut it down. If you love her, marry her and enjoy married sex. Otherwise, dump her and find a slut that gives it up readily.

Well, have you tried asking her? It would definitely be an awkward conversation, but maybe you're reading too much into it (e.g. she has a yeast infection or something and she's embarrassed).

But the big question that your post raised for me was this: why were you abstinent for 3 years? Was that a mutual decision or was it more from her end (the latter sounds more likely to me, given that you think you should be going at it like animals)? Maybe she feels like she made the wrong decision by becoming sexually active. If that's the case, the two of you should have a discussion about what your sex life will be until you get married (if that's your plan). Then you'll have to decide if you can live with whatever consensus the two of you reach, or if it's time for you to move on.

Finally, another possibility is that you're just bad at sex. No offense intended - most younger / less experienced guys are (if I'm making an inaccurate assumption about your experience prior to your three years of abstinence, my apologies). [Side note - before you men get all up in arms, I'm not trying to be sexist here. Younger girls are probably pretty lame at sex too, but I think it's easier to give a guy an at least minimally enjoyable sexual experience. Guys have a tougher job trying to please a woman.] Especially if your girlfriend was a virgin, she may have found that sex was just not as enjoyable as she had been expecting. If that's the case, then you're in luck - the best solution is more practice! Get her to tell you what feels good, but also do your homework - read some of those stupid sex tips in magazines, watch some porn, etc - a lot of these will be lame but you'll at least have an idea of where to start, what to try, and then she can tell you if she likes it.

Clearly, the theme here is that you need to talk to her. It sounds like you otherwise have a good solid relationship, so hopefully it works out for you. But don't shortchange yourself either - a relationship between people with vastly mismatched sex drives is bound for trouble, so there's a chance you might just have to recognize that and cut your losses.

Good luck!

An essential part of relationships, regarding sex or not - is communication.

Try just being open about it and asking her. Don't do so in an accusing manner - but express your concern. Also, don't make it one sided (I want sex) - but something like,

I want you to enjoy it as much as I do.

Try to find out if there's anything you can do to make it more pleasurable for her.

How are all other parts of the relationship?

Have you let yourself go at all, or still in good physical shape? A gut is always a mood killer.

She's pregnant.

squidword wrote:

She's pregnant.

Scratch my earlier post. I second this one.

Thank you for your well thought-out response.

The problem with asking her and bringing this out into the open is that she might interpret that as, "all you care about is sex..." When in fact, during sex I please her more than she pleases me. It's true that we're both inexperienced, but she is able to climax ( albeit only once) and I don't think it's been all that bad.

The abstinence thing was a mutual decision. I didn't mind waiting until we got married. But now we've realized that for financial reasons, marriage might be three or more years away and we just couldn't hold it anymore. Now it's a different story.

If this is, as you say, a case of vastly mismatched sex drives, it's going to drive me crazy...for a long time.

all white wrote:

An essential part of relationships, regarding sex or not - is communication.

Try just being open about it and asking her. Don't do so in an accusing manner - but express your concern. Also, don't make it one sided (I want sex) - but something like,

I want you to enjoy it as much as I do.

Try to find out if there's anything you can do to make it more pleasurable for her.

How are all other parts of the relationship?

This is good advice. I'd add perhaps she experiences pain or discomfort during sex that she's embarrassed to talk about. Or maybe the spark of "woo-hoo, having sex!" has flamed out. You don't know until you talk about it with her.

Charming Charlie wrote:

squidword wrote:

She's pregnant.

Scratch my earlier post. I second this one.

--She's conflicted, as she thinks she now doesn't like sex with men and may like girls instead.

--OP is no good in bed, she's turned off.

--She's doing someone else now that the hounds have been unleashed.

RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love to tango wrote:

Thank you for your well thought-out response.

The problem with asking her and bringing this out into the open is that she might interpret that as, "all you care about is sex..."

Dump her and run. This is not going to get better.

Did she start taking birth control because that KILLS a woman's libido. Pretty ironic.

Other people have already said it, but you've got to be able to talk, and talk about everything. Don't plan to spend your life with someone if you aren't comfortable talking together about intimate things that involve both of you.

1. I dont know if this happens to other girls out there, but if I am experiencing stress or anxiety, I really am not interested. This can last for weeks. I also find myself less interested when I am under a certain weight. If she is a runner, maybe she feels this way too... feeling like a scarecrow doesn't make you feel all that desirable.

2. Definitely have a discussion with her. Part of having a mature sexual lifestyle is being able to talk about it with your partner. Make sure to only approach this subject with plenty of time to discuss and at home!

3. It takes practice to get it right. TV, movies, etc. make it look like this is not hte case... if she is a pretty private person she probably just feels embarrassed that she isn't living it the way it is presented on screen.

Waitresses are pretty easy, hit them up, especially when you girlfriend is out of town (or you're out of town). Just remember to delete those texts!

"Worse"

this isn't worse than the post nuptial shutoff, feel free to just leave. Since you're not married...

That response was way too well-written and rational for this board. Do you want to go out?