Post-nuptial shutoff?

not sure wrote:

11 years of marriage and still pretty much daily (3 weeks a month anyway). twice a day on weekends isn't uncommon. she's actually gotten more daring in what she'll do, but much less in where she'll do it.

no complaints here.

I feel very confident in this statement: Liar!

Wondering wrote:

Intersting thread.... I have been dating a girl for the past couple of years. The sex is infrequent, I am not teribly attracted to her but she is a saint. She cooks, she cleans, she goes running with me. We have similiar political views. She is a great friend. She is very smart. She is great with money and I think she will be a great mother.I have been thinking for a long time whether I should marry someone when I am not hot over her....But it sems like the sex would disappear (sp) anyway so maybe I am not giving up much...opinions?

Attraction is important, so don't marry her is she repulses you. But you will realize that sex is not the only thing in a relationship. As you get older, you will age. If you are the type of guy that is going to go after the young tail all the time, no reason to put her through that.

The question you need to ask yourself is if you love her. If you love her, you can make anything work. If you love her, you will find her attractive no matter what.

Don't marry someone simply b/c you share political views. I like having political arguments with my wife. I respect her, and even when I don't agree with her, I like the challenge she presents.

Just some advice from an old man who has been married a long time.

it all depends for me... we're typically 1 time a week, maybe 2x a week

ok, so i know there are probably a bunch of conservative people on these boards and I don't mean to shock anyone but for a quick punch in your sex life have you thought about ecstasy with your wives??

can make for a passionate night that is totally mind blowing which can keep you happy a long time...

day after can be rough, but it is worth it

you're not kids anymore but that is the whole point... you're responsible enough to perhaps try some different things

Wondering wrote:

I have been thinking for a long time whether I should marry someone when I am not hot over her....But it sems like the sex would disappear (sp) anyway so maybe I am not giving up much...opinions?

I believe the point of this thread is to say don't marry her at all! Sure, regarding the frequency of nookie, it doesn't sound like much is going to change, but nothing is going to change, and there's a good chance one of you will tire of the other and that will be the end of that. Sounds like you have a good thing going - if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

If I can inject a bit of running-related content to this topic... at least for those of you getting shut out more often than not, you now have more opportunity to go for an evening run. That was a benefit to me realizing I wasn't going to get any action on most nights - my mileage went up.

I have been married for 4 years and get it about once a week. I do have a friend though that has been married 7 years and literally gets it 10 times a week. I don't know how they stay interested. It would be boring as can be for me to do my wife 10 times a week. There definitely are couples here and there than somehow keep the fire but for every married couple that screws daily, there is at least one couple that only screws 4 or 5 times a year.

There is just nothing like the first couple weeks of hooking up with a girl you really like. It's all downhill from there!

Alex de Large wrote:

I believe the point of this thread is to say don't marry her at all!

Not all of us are saying that.

Some of us find our wives to be our best friends.

No offense Alex, but just b/c your marriage did not work out does not mean they are all doomed.

Very similar situation here, nos. 1 ,2 3 are earily the same.I'm in my mid 40's, married 20+ years, 3 kids. When the kids were young, I'd say we averaged once a week, although it was hard to have quality sex. Now that the kids are older, things are not as crazy during the day.Recently, it has been much better. I recently got a V, she went off the pill and she is agreeable to sex more often. Sometimes when she is very tired and I know I'll be travelling for a few days, she would just let me get my rocks off with her. Earlier in our marriage, that would have NEVER happened. If she was not in the mood (or too tired, etc.) I would just have to wait.No complaints, I love her and there is nothing better than being with the one you love. (Although a few more BJs would be great!)I'd say we average 7x a month.Sorry for those that have been sold a bad bill of goods.

besides the ecstasy bit i mentioned i also thought of something else to comment on as well

while 1 time a week may not sound like a lot, with work and running and everything else and the fact we've had sex so many times together...

i'm not sure if I want sex more than 2x a week tops... i mean yeah, if she's into it... i'm certainly up for it but usually i fall asleep without even thinking about it

no names here either wrote:

Married nearly 20 years.

She has gained over 100 pounds since we got married,

It's amazing you can still get your plumbing to work with her.

I made it clear to my wife that she was never going to have to f**k a fat guy, and I'm never going to f**k a fat woman. So much of sex is physical attraction ... there's no way I could do that with a fattie, no matter how much I used to love her. And yes, as important as being fit is to me, if she let herself go like that I would lose all respect for her, and that'd be the end for us.

Humble Pies wrote:

Not all of us are saying that.

Some of us find our wives to be our best friends.

No offense Alex, but just b/c your marriage did not work out does not mean they are all doomed.

I realize your point, and I wasn't intending to infer all marriages are bad. I just think unless these 2 are dead-set on having kids (something they obviously need to have a long talk about at some point), then a marriage really doesn't need to take place. Sounds like he's in a great situation and I am a little envious. Having been through this once before however, I now know I wouldn't get too emotionally attached or legally bound to a person, with the knowledge of how things can change (and frequently do).

The infatuation stage is not women trying to seduce men into marriage -- it is men being so overwhelmed that they drop everything to be with their women 24/7, hang on their every word, do things like constant attention at home and more willing to give massage early in the evening. It is hormones of both men and women caused by the newness of it all and kept at a high level by all the attention and special treatment.

Interest dies off after 2 to 4 years unless pre-sex activities which meeting a women's emotional needs are done. It can also die off if a woman is too stressed out by child rearing all day long and has a personal need for more adult interaction in life than she is getting on a daily basis.

But, you can alter your lifestyle to keep meeting each other's emotional needs after marriage...Sometimes you need help to find out what each other's needs really are, since people tend to project their own personal preferences onto others by assumption.

Little things, flowers every week or two, foot massages after work, doing the dishes for her daily, putting the kids to bed and helping with homework daily, ignoring her pretending that she doesn't need to go out on the weekend to spend money on a couple's date and just doing it anyway because you know you need to make the time to keep the foundation strong. All of these make sex more often.

The one thing that is nearly insurmountable is the once a month cycle. As long as I live I will always count the days from the start of PMS until the end of a period (often 10 or 11 days). Sex during PMS is possible, but not probable. Sex during a period is not likely after a few years of marriage.

In my first life the XW moved into her own bedroom 18 years into the relationship. Sex ended for the next 2 years, followed by Divorce. In my second life, 7 years ongoing, sex is about the same ever since the baby 6 years ago. Twice a week mostly, sometimes 3 times, rarely once a week. Don't make sex an issue, if I need it, I make my behaviors more attractive to her ahead of time. Don't resent that aspect, it is just how women are wired.

I am recently divorced and I wonder about the whole concept of marriage. I took a divorce class at Church and nationwide they said 55% of first marriages fail, 75% of second, 85% of third. What is the point of even getting married? With the theme of post nuptial shutoff being a reality you should not get married for sex.

Best friends? Well, that changes with time in the majority of cases. Children? Well, now that I am divorced I have a huge challenge of being a single Dad.

To those that can make it work and be happy more power to you. You are lucky and I admire you. However, happily married people are very rare....how many truly happily married people do you know? Very few married people are happily married. The professionals say only about 5%. Marriage is a great theory but in reality it is almost impossible.

My first husband was a nice guy but was very competitive with me and made little comments here and there to try to bring me down. Sex with him was always an issue. He was never satisfied and I was not interested much.

My second husband is also a nice guy but somehow seems to think that I am wonderful all the time. He is always saying sweet comments to me and makes me feel great about myself. He says nice things about the way I look a lot, just very basic things about my eyes or my butt or my smile. I asked him about it once because I was not used to that, and he says that he just says it because he feels like it. I am totally wild about him and sex with him always feels fantastic. I think there is a real relationship between his making me feel good about myself and my loving sex with him.

Maybe one of the reasons that your sex lives with your wives gets so tame is partly because you're not wooing her anymore and have started to slack a bit on making her feel appreciated. Even if you're not like my guy and just feel like saying nice things all the time, try making the effort to do it and see what happens. I'm not blaming you guys for the problem -- this is a two way street -- but I bet some of you don't care about much more right now than getting results, so give this a shot.

Wise man once tell me, "son, every time you have sex with your wife in the year before you get married put a jelly bean in a jar. Every time you have sex after you get married eat a jelly bean. You will never run out of jelly beans."

Another Married Guy wrote:

I just want to come on here to say something to all the anti-marriage folks...

There is more to marriage than sex, you really do get a best friend. So don't marry a girl if you only have sex in common.

Yes there definitely is more to marriage than sex. But there is more to marriage than friendship too. And if there isn't, no thank you.

No one has the secret formula for a happy marriage. It's as complex as human nature itself. I've been married for almost twenty years and consider myself happy and very much in love with my wife. She's a person of tremendous character and I can't imagine being without her. But marriage is never something we figure out and then place on cruise control for 40 years. There is a constant learning curve and many ups and downs. Two people are growing together, navigating the endless challenges of life. That can be very demanding.

I don't believe every marriage can work. Some are just bad fits. To some extent, a bit of luck is involved in getting the right spouse. But I do believe divorce is too easy an option in today's world. Marriage in some sense is treated too superficially, and kids from divorced families grow up to see divorce as a very viable option to them when the going gets tough because it was rationalized to them from a young age.

Regarding sex, of course it's important in a marriage. A healthy marriage involves physical intimacy. It will never be as frequent ten or twenty years down the road as it was in the first year, but that doesn't necessarily point to a problem. For the young guys out there who are already cynical about marriage, remember a few things. First of all, if you're 25 and single and playing the field with some success you're viewed as a stud. If you're 35 and doing the same thing you may be envied by some unhappily married men, but more and more people (especially women) are starting to view you with caution - you are a commitment phobe, you're shallow, etc... If you're 45 and still playing the field you're usually viewed as either a loser or a creepy, egotistical cad. If you happen to be rich, you can surely attract younger, shallow women to be with you for a while, but it won't be love you'll be getting.

All it takes to get laid is being male. It takes a man to love.

Peace.

You and me both. Man I almost got married twice, I also watched a sibling get divorced twice. Man, am I LUCKY.

Thank you Lord.

(kneels)

I don't mean to be troublesome but how many of you are CERTAIN your significant others are not doing it with someone else?

Honest question guys...seriously.

Man has this thread opened My eyes.

What is one sure dessert recipe that will turn off a wife to sex?

Wedding Cake !!!!!!