Would you leave a near perfect woman if you wanted to be a father and she couldn't have kids?

As a dude I cant have kids myself so send her my way if you dont want that stuff

you're for a surrogate, but against adoption? You don't mention what she prefers. so far, it looks like she should leave you.

I would only want to raise a child that shared my own DNA. I salute people who want to adopt. I just don't want to myself. I could get into reasons, but that's kind of not the point of the thread, and it's a personal decision.

Why are you so egocentric that you feel you can't live without creating your own spawn? Speaking as the spouse of an adoptee, I know that adoption is a wonderful thing, and you should really think about the reasons why you must have your own biological child. I know saying such things is going against Elon Musk's legion fantasies and Big IVF's agenda to convince everyone that they have to spend a fortune and wreck your body to have your own biological children, but as the child of parents who had 5 biological children, 3 of us turned out horribly, and the other two turned out to be reasonably decent people. Having your own kids is just as big of a gamble as the adoption experience, and I see no difference in the loving and caring of my wife's parents than my own.

Until the grandkids come and then your still in second place for the last 20.

Seems to be precisely the point of the thread.

Reading some of the comments I'm not sure a lot of guys know what love, or to be in love with someone, actually is.

There's nothing wrong with that, we live and learn.

When I was young (early 20's) I thought that I wouldn't marry someone who couldn't have (or didn't want to) kids.

I thought that I'd never raise "someone else's" child.

But after I truly fell in love I realized that didn't matter to me, it was the woman I was in love with who mattered.

I'm older now and would happily be a positive male role model for someone else's child if I truly loved the mother.

She deserves better than you if this could be a deal breaker. Just adopt. There are so many kids in need of a good family and you could raise them as your own.

Sounds like you need to get to have a conversation to the bottom of how she feels about all of this. Other than knowing she's unable to have children, there's a whole lot of information that's missing from your post, either because you don't know it (yikes) or chose not to provide it (understandable, but it's hard for people to give you an informed opinion). You "seriously doubt she would be okay" with having a surrogate, but what are you basing your assumption on? Have you asked her about it? You say you "just don't" want to adopt, but have you dug into why? "I just don't" feels overly simplistic and implies you haven't. I think you need to figure out why you're opposed to it because adoption sure seems like it would be the most straightforward option. Anecdotally, I know of several adoption success stories, but I understand that it isn't for everyone (and that's ok).

It's better to break up because you can't align on having children before you have them. If one person wants children and the other doesn't, that's 100% a valid reason to break up. However, what your post seems to be lacking is any insight into what your girlfriend thinks about having children. You each need to define your position and then see if there's a place you can meet in the middle (adoption, surrogacy, fostering) or what wiggle room exists.

I would encourage you to have this conversation sooner rather than later. None of us are getting any younger.

So, a few possibilities here. 1) You marry the near perfect woman and over time you have regrets that you didn't have children. 2) You dump the near perfect woman and who knows how your life turns out, whether you ever marry and have kids, but you might regret dumping your soul mate and find yourself longing for her. 3) You discuss this with her openly and work through it like adults who talk about adult things and you find out how she feels about this honestly.

True story, I remarried after having 2 kids from my prior marriage, and my current wife, who was 7 years younger than I, wanted to have a baby together (though she already had a child by her previous marriage as well). I did not want to but agreed to try for awhile, it didn't work out. We later moved into a house that we both love that is a PERFECT environment for raising kids and I actually regret not being able to raise a kid in the environment, to the point that I actually really considered for the first time adoption. WE GOT A DOG INSTEAD and live happily ever after.

I think if I were to offer advice it would be 3) If you have the perfect woman you will be able to find happiness and fulfillment in life, you will change over time and so will what you think is important. Your unselfishness will ultimately give you a more fulfilling life with a great partner.

Projecting you own experience?

The parents I see bummed about their kids are the ones who spoiled their kids....for a long time.

Yes, you should break it off. Having children is one of the most rewarding things you can possibly do, and if you're sure you want that, you should find someone who can be part of that. When you have children, you build your life around your family unit. It's wonderful.

I have no objection to adoption, but I understand why you're not into it. There are more people who want to adopt than there are healthy infants. It's tremendously expensive. It's a minefield, basically. I would totally raise a needy baby if someone handed one to me, but I'm not into paying nearly six figures to have someone determine whether I'm worthy over a period of years, risking having it all fall through.

Also, you should break it off for her. She deserves someone who will not resent her infertility. There are many, many men who don't want children. She should marry one of those men.

The whole point of woman and their literally value is in having kids- I would leave immediately.
its a fact that woman who can’t have kids and/or won’t are worthless and immediately they are a bane of existence to humanity.

a childless woman in society is worse than murderer and should be shamed. This is obvious and known for 1000s of years and will never change.

woman who don’t have kids also don’t enjoy sex and sex is the only value a woman has.

Woman are immoral and evil seducers of men, they redeem themselves by producing children from their sin- if they don’t have kids- and are on the pill, this is hell.

run from any woman who isn’t sure about having kids- she is not a woman.

Mathematically, woman are by definition only definition by ability to produce kids- if they can’t they should be taken out.

this is backed up with pure logic, physics, ontology, epistemology, every single faculty and truth alive shows that when woamn arnt controlled and left to their own devices a society crumbles.

men are not definition like this- a man who murders can be a good valuable man. Men get woman pregnant, and that is just 1 of their many many roles. A homeless man is more valuable than a woman who is beautiful and young and smart but doesn’t have kids.

this is innnate truth. I don’t even know why it needs to be said. Ai will be able to show the topological logic- this is not even a debate- it’s literal math. If you map ontology -the graph will show this.

its almsot more fundamental than math actually and the feminine masculine is the basis of all logic.

logic falls apart if woman don’t produce kids.

a woman is a 1 that can become a 2. A man is always just a 1. You can’t even have math or certainty if woman don’t produce

when women stop being mothers- language will fall apart, the whole topological dynamic or reality and consciousness will fall apart.

thankfully since this truth is the most fundamental part of the axioms of being aka “reality” it will never change, when it changes reality is not linger reality, even hell is full of woamn who reproduce, a place where the woman don’t have kids is hell beyond hell.

do not speak of this anymore it is bad luck

so yes, obviously, never even look or gaze at females that are like this, they are the evil Eve and will drive the master Man into the grave. This woman by definition (it’s just math) are pure evil.

It’s also one of the most violent things you can do. Don’t hide the truth. I’m all for kids, but also truth. Love is violent. Children kill their parents. You can not separate the 0 and 1.

if you admit kids are not most rewarding by definition you must admit they can also be the most terrible of experiences, you are most likely to be murdered by someone you know, and even more by your children. It starts with woman dying in childbirth.

how low is your IQ is it only 140? Do you always only see the 1? How can you only see the 1 and not the topology it’s paired with? The 0 and the empty set? Basics set theory?

you use English? Your whole language is build off this logic.

so yes I agree with you, but also children can be the major horse doya torturous evil experience- but this is why it’s also the most rewarding ! For it you do it right, you survive and you get to heaven. If you do it wrong, they become literally hell.
or sure keep living in you delusional life, I can’t imagine you are a fun one at parties- only pointing out the outside of things but acting like the inside doesn’t exist paired 1:1 with it.

you must think sex is about love and intimacy and reproduction and “fun” haha and you don’t think it has anything to do with violence and evil and Power.

or you think being a Genius is amazing, but then again you can’t see what suffering comes with being singularity among ants who don’t even understand themselves. It’s like being in a video game and the players are all determined, but then again I can’t judge for that is up to God, which really should be referenced with another name as “God” is a signifier for a thing that is unknowable and illogical, the real thing that word supposed to represent is the set that can’t hold itself.

youre welcome

Thank you for the thoughtful advice. She and I actually have talked about a lot of this stuff, just in a more general and roundabout way, not super pointed. I have told her I do not want to adopt, something I have actually given a lot of thought about. I just don't feel like getting into the details of my thoughts and feelings is relevant here. I would rather not have children than adopt. That's just how I personally feel. Nothing wrong with that.

For the surrogate thing, I know people do it, but I've talked about this topic in general terms with women in the past, and they all said the idea of their man producing a child with a woman who is not them produced a very strong viscerally negative feeling in them almost like their whole being was revolting against the idea. It is not something most women want, and really, I would greatly prefer to produce a child with the woman who is going to be acting as its mother. Biology helps with the bonding and all of that stuff.

I have been surprised by some of the responses here because I guess to me, being a father has always been more of the goal than being a husband. I'm not saying I don't want to be a husband or that I don't care, etc, but having kids always seemed like the far bigger goal and thing with the bigger payout. Over 50% of marriages don't last, and a sizable portion of the ones that do aren't happy. Most older men I talk to and listen to say their advice is to never get married at all. I'm not saying I buy into that necessarily, but it's been surprising to me to hear all the responses here saying having a good woman should take total precedence over having children.

It is a major decision that I am not taking lightly. Again, I appreciate the thoughtful response.

Life can always be worse.

If you break up, what are the odds you find a suitable mother and live a happy life with her and a family? It's possible you never find a suitable replacement and then you'll still have no kids. Or you have kids with the wrong person and your life is miserable.

Life is about being happy and enjoying it. Ending a perfect relationship will almost always be a mistake. Are potential kids worth the risk of ruining your life?

This reminded me of something in my own marriage, and you can do with it what you want.

Before I chose to get divorced, my now ex-wife said "I was watching you play with S (our son) and I thought 'He's an amazing father but a crappy husband.'" While I thought I was being a good husband by being an equal parent (including the domestic and emotional labor of raising the kids), taking on extra work at my job for more income, carrying more than my weight at home with chores, cooking, and upkeep, I realize I was doing the things I thought a good father and husband would do and not what she thought a good husband should do (emotional support for her, planning dates and vacations for us to be alone, drinking beer/wine and watching TV together after the kids went to bed). I don't know if it ultimately would have made a difference in the outcome, but I certainly could have been a better spouse by making more of an effort to connect with her. If you do have children, you'll need to find a balance between your role as a father and a husband. Right now, it sounds like your inclination would be more to the former, which sets off alarm bells for me.

I 100% stand by my decision to leave a toxic and abusive marriage as the best choice for my kids and me, but sometimes I think how it would be nice to have had a supporting partner to help when parenting feels hard. Not her, but someone else if that makes sense.

That's the definition of a perfect woman,,,, one with a kick ass body who can't have kids!!!