Runner girls: why has it never worked out?

Why do you want to date a runner? If you are a fast man, she will not be able to keep up with you, so you won't actually run together. You may not have the same goal distances - let's say she's very fast and serious about 1500 m / 5K; you won't have the same goal races. (And you'll want her support at your goal race if you're targeting an OTQ anyway and vice versa.)

Two out of the three men I seriously dated, including my now-husband, took up running or began running again due to my influence. My husband started running again when we were dating and has been running ~1300 mi / year for 15 years+ now, and is more serious about running than I am at this point (mostly because my IT band hates me.) But we never run together. Why not? We have three kids, and unless we want to push our 4-year-old in the stroller (we don't) it's not happening. Just too much trouble.

I don't think it's important to date a runner.

But I DO think that both being athletically inclined has been hugely important for our marriage. We can do things together that require being fit, like hiking, skiing, cycling, snowshoeing, etc. We both take care of our bodies. I like being married to someone who is fit and looks it. We value eating relatively healthy. We like to be active in our free time, not just veg in front of the TV (though we do that sometimes, too.) I think it's a mindset, and that active / healthy mindset is what you should be looking for, not specifically a competitive runner.

Always thought runner girls were cute but I fell for a nicotine addict art student instead

A favorite memory was when they offered to run a half mile with me, fun when you get your SO into it.

Ahahaha the image I have of someone actually typing this is…. Horrifying

I've found the opposite. Much higher libido that seemed to correlate to higher mileage/workload - meaning marathoners > mid-distance. Compared to nonrunners and/or athletes from other sports. Anyone else?

For your poll, dated many and was married for 15+ years to a runner.

I'd make sure the importance you're putting on running isn't translating to self-importance and all-consuming vibes. Sense of humor - especially towards the absurdity of that sport and a sprinkling of other passions and interests and outlets should get you there.

If I were talking to my younger self even, I'd say: learn to cook, read diverse things, practice love languages, learn the meaning of the words "listen" and "empahy", travel some alone before w/ anyone, master cunnilingus, have a vision for YOUR life now and future you can easily articulate.

I agree that marriage offers a great opportunity to find a partner for life and the opportunity to build a family. It is hard to envision other ways of creating a family and successfully raising children in a positive environment. I know single parents have been successful but I feel like that may be the exception and not the norm.

You are right we do naturally want that sense of acceptance and belonging. Alternatives for finding a type of meaning would be volunteering in the community and connecting with like-minded people. It fills up your time and also can give a sense of belonging a purpose. It is not the same as having a loving marriage/relationship, but it still provides value in multiple ways for multiple people.

While I did chuckle at some of the wording in your post, I do have to say this is some sage advice in the last paragraph. If you grow as a person (learning to cook, listening, connecting to others, sexual development) then you will feel more confident in who you are and also be attractive to others. You can also find more self content that way knowing you yourself are a better person.

This has been my experience too, coming from the male side - my wife and I met in college but she played basketball. After college she did eventually end up getting into running for a competitive/athletic outlet, but even before that the understanding/respect for athletic goals translated well across sports.

Thats a good point, want to point out that my twin sister (who was a bit better than me; we did XC but loved the 800m) married a man who was apparently chubby all through school until he took up marathoning.

After 2 young kids, they don’t run as much as they’d like, but there was a time when they’d do races together, even if they didn’t train together.

I met my wife 43 years ago at a low key summer race and we got married two years later after she finished her Master's degree. We no longer run (the knees went), but we've moved on to other shared interests over the decades.

Kewl

Just because I'm female doesn't mean I don't understand the basic tenets of relationships and require instruction. I didn't put everything I look for in a partner because my post would have been too long. Obviously shared values are essential but from those spring shared interests. I prefer a man who keeps fit but likes the outdoors and cyclists annoy me, as do hikers. Flatulent bodies are not attractive to me nor gym bros.

You should ask what would happen IF this guy cheats? The answer would be divorce.

The real questions is why you are asking creepy personal questions of random strangers you will never meet on the internet? Signs of deep rooted sense of failure in life and requiring of psychological help but turning to LetsRun instead?

I find myself surrounded by girls that think the best thing about me is that i’m 6’2 and ran D1.

The dating pool quantity is massive for me right now, but the quality is pretty low. That’s not on some “women bad” incel crap either, it’s both genders i’m sure, but the girls I am currently attracted to are either having a 3-4 day bender hopping frat to frat once per week or focusing so hard on academics/athletics that they can’t focus on a relationship right now. Not sure I want to seriously emotionally involve myself with either of those types of people yet, either way i’d end up disappointing myself for two entirely different reasons.

I’m not even swearing off dating or anything right now, I’m socially active and decently attractive so if something good comes my way I’ll totally give it a chance, but i’m kind of finding that trying to “fix” an emotionally unavailable person doesn’t work, and most people in college are emotionally unavailable in one way or another.

For women on here, the odds are good, but the goods are odd.

Yep, been with several runner women, including a couple who are certainly in the top 1% of talent and accomplishment. All were neurotic AF, with clear signs of ED/RED-S and body dysmorphia. Heck, I was neurotic AF at an early age, wouldn't touch alcohol and took running way too seriously. I grew up and got over it. I fortunately found an athletic woman who is driven chiefly to have a good career that pays well and be a good wife and is otherwise really chill yet active.

This is kind of sad.

I dated non-athletes and my starter marriage was to a non-athlete. It did not work out at all. We had different ways of spending our free time. I was forever guilted for wanting to train or compete on the weekends. I only started dating my now husband when I found out he was a competitive athlete too. It’s worked well because we can make room for training even with a kiddo and we can give each other the space to pursue those goals. If you love running and think you will be a lifelong good-at-exercising devotee I would try to date an athlete. Planning vacations around your sport is also so rewarding.

Often thought the greatest match in the world would be between a training, (or trained) sports physiotherapist and a distance runner <3