In a sexless marriage

I agree - might be worth looking into.

It's strange to flip that back on men, though. There are also many women who think it's 'no biggie', as do our healthcare services who frequently prescribe the pill to extremely young (still developing) women. It's inconvenient to a lot of parties that the pill isn't the wonder drug it's made out to be.

First, do not cheat. The word "cheat" should tell you all you need to know. Although you might not notice it or care, you will carry that stain on your soul forever. Man up and take the painful decision of separation, if you have truly exhausted all means. Have that difficult conversation with your wife. Perhaps she has un-diagnosed medical issues or a mental health condition? Don't you at least want to try for a solution before giving up? By sincerely trying (of course, there is a expiration date on said efforts) you are becoming a better person.

There will be those who say "bail now" and "you are wasting your life", but first and foremost you need to decide what gives meaning to your life and the part the woman you married plays in it.

Usually a woman's perspective here would be useful, but this is LRC and no women (barring a couple) post/visit here.

Good luck!

My hunch is that she didn't really want sex when you were dating either, but she knew you wouldn't marry her if she didn't have sex with you. She doesn't care anymore now that she got what she wanted.

Try to work it out but yeah prepare for the worst.

Definitely. What I meant by saying that more men should take on the burden of contraceptive measures is that there truly are no available contraceptives available that don’t mess with women’s health in pretty negative ways, which is consistently glossed over and ignored by healthcare practitioners (I mean geez, the pill is a classified carcinogen and no one talks about that). The least harmful would be tubal ligation, which is irreversible and fairly invasive. Men on the other hand have the option of using a condom (which most won’t do because it makes things less “fun” for them), or vasectomy, which might be unpleasant in the short term but is reversible and causes no other adverse health consequences that we know of.

But who knows, maybe he’s already addressed all of this. But if not, it could work wonders for this problem.

she uses a non-hormonal contraceptive ala abstinence

Agreed. But I think it's too politicised.

From what I've seen, a number of feminists have spoken out about this in recent years, but even they're under pressure from other more vocal / mainstream ('critical theory') feminists. The pill is the great liberator - it's (disproportionately) credited with everything from the sexual freedom movement, to the emancipation of women.

There's also the fact that men aren't really being pushed to think about contraception. I was born in the early 90s. From sixth form, and all through university, condoms were seldom used (this was a frequently had discussion during our early days of university). Even in the years since, most women are on the pill and don't even mention condoms.

Men and women tend to view sex a bit differently. Women are often more turned on by the mental aspects of sex - the power dynamics between the two of you, the thrill of risking being caught, acting "naughty" or "taboo" - and are less turned on by the visual and physical stimuli like men. Try to find ways to make sex more mentally and emotionally stimulating for her. If that doesn't work, she could be too uncomfortable around sex and/or her body in general and feels embarrassed by being/feeling sexual. Her sex drive can be inhibited by medications, stress or genetic factors. She might love you, but not feel sexually attracted to you - look at how you're acting and possibly try being less effeminate and soft (this often happens to men after being in a relationship), take charge in the relationship.

Maybe she just doesn't enjoy being poked. Because that's basically what it boils down to. For men, many of whom seem to live in a world of sexual fantasy, they are basically obsessed with sex. But being in bed for hours being prodded and licked can be pretty boring really. Never mind when the man is older and still trying to relive his youth.

For most of human history, the majority of men in most societies wouldn't have had the opportunity of having much sex at all. Many wouldn't even have reproduced. Only wars and capitalism have allowed average men to view sex as an "essential" recreational activity. The idea that ordinary men are "entitled" to a lifetime of sex, potentially with multiple different women, really is a very new concept that is quite untested. Its not really surprising that many women aren't really playing along with that concept.

Leave, like today!

Think she's getting some mushroom wand on the side? There are dudes out there that say, "I don't need a wife when I can go get someone else's."

Maybe sex with you is boring. Many of the women I've been with enjoy sex, however doing the same thing over and over can be boring. It's not that women just don't like it.

They're probably faking or you're paying them. How many of these women are involved with you? Sounds like the Playboy Mansion.

If this is indeed the case, then modern feminism has done both men and women a huge disservice in equating male and female sexuality.

Ben Shapiro, is that you??? Seriously though, you must be fun at parties.

You paint a bizarre picture of reality to make some tired feminist point about male entitlement. Try going out to a bar or club or party and then tell everyone that you think women go out to these venues getting drunk, wearing revealing clothing; talking, dancing and going home with men to have sex because they secretly hate it so much. I don't think the human race would have lasted as long as it has if women thought sex was lame.

Is this Letsrun or Letsvirgin?

The concept of marriage was invented in a time when people married at 15 and had one or both feet in the grave by age 40. And back then it was usually financial or political in nature.

Not saying that marriage can't work, but it fails eventually almost 50 percent of the time.

It will only get worst. Have you thought about getting divorced? Side chick?

It's not healthy to have no sex drive. Something is wrong physically or emotionally.

My wife had a friend who didn't want to have sex with her husband and shut him off because she felt he sided with his mother over her. He was oblivious and had no clue what was going on. Women are complicated. Once they dealt with it, they were fine. Can you talk about it?

Women are also complicated hormonally. She might have something going on there. If she's open to it, have her seek out a doctor who specializes in it, even if they seem a bit woowoo. Again, it's not normal and healthy to have no sex drive.

Is she open to you trying to get her going with touch, perhaps with a vibrator? That's by far the most fun part of the whole experience anyway when she get going and has her orgasm. It's not close. After a year and a half I'm sure you just want release, but is she open to you trying to please her? I think if I just wanted a wham bam thank you mam my wife would just reluctantly let me do my thing like it's a chore.

My wife and I are going on 40 years together and that part of life is the best ever by far. Sounds weird but we are still getting more comfortable and less inhibited with each other. And we're post-kids and post ability to have kids. She's gotten some hormonal things straightened out and is as horny as she was as a newlywed. It was always good, but goes up and down throughout the stages of life, and now is on fire. Helps that she's smoking hot (I'm not).

I hope this is real and I haven't wasted time invested into helping you. She should be concerned about it. You should be talking about it like it's a serious illness that you two want to find a cure for.

Now maybe it's just not a part of her like some people have bad eyesight or are deaf or something and you just live with it, but the first thought should be that it's a problem that needs to be fixed.

So where can one find a massage parlor?

What services are offered?

Genuine questions for someone interested.