I've only ever been on the other side (dating women who make a lot more than me). That was when I was finishing college in my late 20s and it was only two women. Still, it felt weird, and I was very conscious of it, even though it didn't seem to bother them. In both cases, I had no idea they were monied, and I probably would have been too intimidated to approach them had I known. I would underplay the wealth thing at first; you don't want them to feel like gold diggers or worse (unless that's what you are looking for).
I'm near the end of my grad program and doing an internship right now, but when I'm done, I'm going to be making about $150k/year. I also have been investing very aggressively since my early 20s and will be pulling in close to $100k/year from that also in another couple years. All combined, I anticipate I'll be grossing close to $300k/year in about 4 years. That number sounds ridiculous even to me, but it's realistic and likely.
My question is, how on earth do you date when you make this kind of money? I don't want some crazy hyper-career oriented woman, but I feel like if I date more normal women it's going to be hard to find ones that love me for me. I want to signal that I'm well off without signaling that I'm rich. I want to take women on really fun things, but I don't want them to see me as merely a source of expensive fun and entertainment...
Anyone been in a situation like this? How do you date or manage relationships when you make way more than the other person?
It is not hard to say. the woman will be pregnant, staying home.
i have significantly more money then my first ex and significantly less then my 2nd ex. first relationship was 2 years and the last was 1.5 years. i never talked about money to any of them. try that, money isn't the determinant of if a relationship will make it. people who like you will like you for you or they'll make it clear they want money
i have significantly more money then my first ex and significantly less then my 2nd ex. first relationship was 2 years and the last was 1.5 years. i never talked about money to any of them. try that, money isn't the determinant of if a relationship will make it. people who like you will like you for you or they'll make it clear they want money
I don't know that you are the one to say, on the third wife try finding someone with very similar amounts of individual wealth.
I'm near the end of my grad program and doing an internship right now, but when I'm done, I'm going to be making about $150k/year. I also have been investing very aggressively since my early 20s and will be pulling in close to $100k/year from that also in another couple years. All combined, I anticipate I'll be grossing close to $300k/year in about 4 years. That number sounds ridiculous even to me, but it's realistic and likely.
My question is, how on earth do you date when you make this kind of money? I don't want some crazy hyper-career oriented woman, but I feel like if I date more normal women it's going to be hard to find ones that love me for me. I want to signal that I'm well off without signaling that I'm rich. I want to take women on really fun things, but I don't want them to see me as merely a source of expensive fun and entertainment...
Anyone been in a situation like this? How do you date or manage relationships when you make way more than the other person?
There are more people than you think in that bracket.
I make around 200k and I don’t really I’m that big of a deal. It all goes to my kids who are in college. In one more year my youngest will graduate and then I plan on working a lot less and will be making a lot less money because unlike you I don’t value people by the amount of money they make.
That's a good point. Granted, the more you make, the more you spend (even if you don't realize it). If you're that disciplined to put it toward college $, that's super. I'm doing better than I was a year ago but realize that it could all vanish in an instant. The key is saving, saving and saving some more!
I dated someone like this. I make above average as an engineer, but she was in finance and my best guess is that she was making about 3x as much as me with benefits that made it so she had virtually no cost of living (apartment paid for, car, gas, insurance, utilities, phone). Part of the problem I foresaw was that she travelled a lot and would have expected me to travel with her in the future, except I felt she was so disconnected with how much things like frequent international travel costs to the average person. I wasn't expecting her to pay my way or anything and I didn't sense she had any intention of paying for me. That's fine, it just wasn't gonna work. She also grew up with a lot of money whereas I didn't. Our incomes, background with money, and mindsets around money just made it where our relationship was doomed.
It could work out if you have that understanding of where the other person stands money-wise. If you're willing to pay for that stuff, then go for it. But, I'd be extremely cautious with putting out there how much you make or how much money you have. I, personally, would rather be super humble and appear to be average so that someone is attracted to me and not the money and expensive vacations or stuff I'm buying for them.
I'm not even sure if this is a serious post though... $100k per year just from investments? Are you expecting that from crypto? If you've got it in the market, at an 8% per year growth, then you apparently have $1.25million invested... and you're in your early 20's? ok.
Some kids I know in their 20s and young adults in their 30s have trust funds from their parents. To their credit, they appreciate it and don't take it for granted. The downside is the parents have more control over how they are spent. One woman in Boston I know has a trust fund from grandpa. She used it to buy a house. However, grandpa and her parents have no boundaries and tell her what to do constantly with the house (which was paid for partially with the trust fund, but not all).
As a very old, out of shape, overweight, bald and not so attractive multi-millionaire, I find it easy to get very poor, younger and extremely hotttt women to date me.
The income gap doesn't seem to matter to them and it certainly doesn't matter to me.
I think it's more awkward if the woman is making tons and tons more than the man. If the woman's making only a little bit more (even if both are loaded), it's not a big deal. Even if the woman and man aren't rich at all, but the woman's making only a little more, it's not a big deal. The hangup (and both parties won't admit to it) is when the woman is making CONSIDERABLY more and it's hard socially and in groups of friends or at events. Or, even still, stay at home dads (who rock!), not being able to fit in with the girl clubs when there's play dates at the playgrounds--all moms and one stray single dad. Same with the military--if you have a military spouse (female) who is an O-6 dating a civilian guy making far less, military balls and functions are weird. Some guys don't care or say they don't but it's weird b/c everyone else in the Wive's Club is female.
The reason, IMO, is because of social stratification--a wealthy woman has different expectations, and dating at a level or two below her, will make it awkward. Not just for money, but social circles, networks, connections, etiquette, societal functions and how wealthy people operate vs. middle-class.
A lot here are wealthy (100k and up in low COLA and 400k and up in high COLA), but LRC is an outlier and not representative of Millennials as a whole. Most here went to college (4 years, if not more) and jumped into smooth career tracks that led them up fast.
I also have been investing very aggressively since my early 20s and will be pulling in close to $100k/year from that also in another couple years.
Why in the world would you be drawing $100k/year income off of $1mil in investments at this point? With a six figure salary at under 40 years old and little-to-no expenses, you need to be letting that investment ride.
Women aren't objects who you "take" to do things, they're not all out to get you and your money that you may make one day.
Grow up and take your humble brag about being middle class (really a strange flex) elsewhere
OP, first line of advice is to stay clear of anyone who talks like this or the other 80% of triggered lunatics attacking you. That's in dating or friendship. My second line of advice is to wait long periods of time before you get married because truly selfish individuals are going to be after instant gratification. Also, don't spoil your partners and make any "expensive fun" contingent (although don't overtly say this) on behavior that's conducive to creating the type of healthy relationship you're after - that means investing your time, energy and money on someone who invests back into you and do NOT double down your investment on someone who isn't, thinking you will appease them or buy their love back. Spoiling anyone just makes them take you for granted, it's an unfortunate aspect of human nature that we don't work for what is already free.
Also to the people saying that $300k isn't wealthy, that puts you at the top 2% of income earners in the US. That's wealthy.
Maybe he means he will have $100k invested? But making $100k through investments seems very unlikely given that he didn’t mention being a multimillionaire already and thinks a 150k salary makes him “rich”
Nope. I will have over 1 million in investments in about 4 years. I don't think $150k/year is rich. I think having over 1 million dollars and making $300k/year between job and investments is rich, or rather, it leads to being rich if you're not spending a ton. I am in my 30s, not 20s. I expect to have multi-millions by mid 40s. I have spent about $30k/year the last 8 years, so if I make $150k/year, even if I increase my standard of living by $15k/year, that still leaves many tens of thousands of dollars left over.
Also, not sure where the incel type comments came from. I didn't mean that I planned on "buying" women or anything like that, just that I want to do things like international travel on a regular basis, and this isn't financially realistic for most people unless someone else is paying. I would want to be able to take trips with my gf etc but don't want that to be why she's with me... Sometimes women seem genuine but aren't. People in general can be that way, but it just seems more common for women to burn men financially, and they would be the one with incentive in a situation like mine where I would have ~$200k of excess money each year.
So you make 150k a year but live on 30k a year? Props for your discipline. Although at some point most people in their 30s and 40s make jobs that pay well enough that they don't have to pretend it's college and live on ramen (at least the white-collar peeps on LRC).
$300k including investment income is not wealthy, sorry to say. If you are in a big city like NYC there are literally thousands of girls in their 20s pulling more than that. Basically every 28-year-old investment banking VP or PE/VC/HF associate will be there, or fifth-year BigLaw and that’s pretty much standard director-level comp at big corporates which many people attain in their 30s. Plenty of other industries too like doctors will be making that early in their careers, or software engineers. I’ve made over 400k the past couple years and I live pretty much the same way I did at 100k, small one bedroom in a big city, the main difference is I don’t have to budget anymore but no one would ever look at my lifestyle as that of a wealthy person and that’s the case for most of my similarly-situated peers.
I’ve dated a lot of women who make less than me, and some who make considerably more (>1m per year). Since I was focused on the character of the women as well as their looks and other aspects, it was never really a factor. Most of the less financially set women would still insist on paying for some dinners or other things, and with the better-off types it was never really a concern who paid for a nice dinner or whatever since we would both contribute. Unless there are some extenuating circumstances, the woman should at least make an effort to carry her proportional financial weight, once I went out on two dates with a “peer” in terms of comp and she didn’t even make an effort to contribute to the $150 dinners which I took as a bit of a red flag. She was also late both times so that was enough for me despite the fact she was pretty hot.
I will freely admit that I also spent time overthinking the income thing when I was first out of school making $100k or whatever. This is an incredibly well-calibrated perspective that I wish I had read when I was 21.
There are tons and tons of people out there grinding $100-200k but my experience has been that at 27/28 things really do change, especially along the career paths you highlight. If all your friends are accountants working at the Big 4 maybe you won't notice but for my peers who worked in finance the change was pretty dramatic and since I worked in software I felt left in the dust. Don't let your comp be a part of your personality and you'll be fine.
Nope. I will have over 1 million in investments in about 4 years. I don't think $150k/year is rich. I think having over 1 million dollars and making $300k/year between job and investments is rich, or rather, it leads to being rich if you're not spending a ton. I am in my 30s, not 20s. I expect to have multi-millions by mid 40s. I have spent about $30k/year the last 8 years, so if I make $150k/year, even if I increase my standard of living by $15k/year, that still leaves many tens of thousands of dollars left over.
Also, not sure where the incel type comments came from. I didn't mean that I planned on "buying" women or anything like that, just that I want to do things like international travel on a regular basis, and this isn't financially realistic for most people unless someone else is paying. I would want to be able to take trips with my gf etc but don't want that to be why she's with me... Sometimes women seem genuine but aren't. People in general can be that way, but it just seems more common for women to burn men financially, and they would be the one with incentive in a situation like mine where I would have ~$200k of excess money each year.
I don't know where you get the idea that there are not a lot of women in their 30s with similar income that can afford to travel internationally whenever they want. Maybe you are just in the wrong social circles.
In a major major market a typically salary might be $150-$250K plus a bonus. I'm talking about analysts, developers, product managers, etc. Directors, VPs, etc. will make more, as will most physicians.
And if you are in a market like NYC, Boston, DC, or Silicon Valley, where there are a lot of women from Ivies or other elite schools a lot of them will have also have some family money. They don't need your money. You are really overestimating your wealth, unless live in a small job market in the middle of the country.
This.
I know a woman in Boston with a trust fund. That is a game-changer.
I do income verification for a mortgage company that covers several states in the Midwest and Southeast. Most of our borrowers are in their 20s and 30s, first-timers, and mainly women as primary borrowers. Tons of them are analysts, PMs, VPs, CEOs, HR directors, doctors, STEM stars, and PR/media ladies. Others are self-employed business owners with Etsy shops that do well.
The men have similar jobs but more blue-collar ones, and usually, they are Borrower 2 on our accounts and the woman is Borrower 1. I just did a verification on a woman who was a VP for a software company but her husband worked at Kroger in the warehouse. She made about 5x his income.
Seeing how much people make while buying houses is eye-opening.
Out of college I made 200k, my wife made 50k, didn't matter at all. We have made enough that money is not a motivator so now I make 70k and she is at 250k, still doesn't matter.
I've only ever been on the other side (dating women who make a lot more than me). That was when I was finishing college in my late 20s and it was only two women. Still, it felt weird, and I was very conscious of it, even though it didn't seem to bother them. In both cases, I had no idea they were monied, and I probably would have been too intimidated to approach them had I known. I would underplay the wealth thing at first; you don't want them to feel like gold diggers or worse (unless that's what you are looking for).
I can empathize with you. I think women, most women, won't flaunt their wealth or be weird about it. But if the relationship comes up it would probably just be a weird conversation. I think women value ambition in men even if the man is making less, but is trying to get his own situation better.
You had a good point about not wanting them to feel like gold diggers.
Nowadays, society is set up where women are actually earning more than men in some cases and occupations. Not all, although the wage gap is finally closing.
$300k including investment income is not wealthy, sorry to say. If you are in a big city like NYC there are literally thousands of girls in their 20s pulling more than that. Basically every 28-year-old investment banking VP or PE/VC/HF associate will be there, or fifth-year BigLaw and that’s pretty much standard director-level comp at big corporates which many people attain in their 30s. Plenty of other industries too like doctors will be making that early in their careers, or software engineers. I’ve made over 400k the past couple years and I live pretty much the same way I did at 100k, small one bedroom in a big city, the main difference is I don’t have to budget anymore but no one would ever look at my lifestyle as that of a wealthy person and that’s the case for most of my similarly-situated peers.
I’ve dated a lot of women who make less than me, and some who make considerably more (>1m per year). Since I was focused on the character of the women as well as their looks and other aspects, it was never really a factor. Most of the less financially set women would still insist on paying for some dinners or other things, and with the better-off types it was never really a concern who paid for a nice dinner or whatever since we would both contribute. Unless there are some extenuating circumstances, the woman should at least make an effort to carry her proportional financial weight, once I went out on two dates with a “peer” in terms of comp and she didn’t even make an effort to contribute to the $150 dinners which I took as a bit of a red flag. She was also late both times so that was enough for me despite the fact she was pretty hot.
I will freely admit that I also spent time overthinking the income thing when I was first out of school making $100k or whatever. This is an incredibly well-calibrated perspective that I wish I had read when I was 21.
There are tons and tons of people out there grinding $100-200k but my experience has been that at 27/28 things really do change, especially along the career paths you highlight. If all your friends are accountants working at the Big 4 maybe you won't notice but for my peers who worked in finance the change was pretty dramatic and since I worked in software I felt left in the dust. Don't let your comp be a part of your personality and you'll be fine.
I also think there's a certain window age-wise when your career path closes or things happen and you have to reboot. I thought I'd be able to make it in journalism in my 20s and I couldn't get a break until just recently at 38 while going through other job changes in my early 30s.
Sometimes what you do right out of college sets the tone for your career path even years later.
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