Here in Australia, you used to be able to buy these soda-can size bottles of alcoholic essence – 160 proof – for cheap. I say ‘used to’ because a few kids died of alcohol poisoning. Dumb motherfvckers.
Anyway, I was 16 and some scumbag from a crappy school and my brand-spanking new girlfriend was a local Catholic school girl - there was an after-formal party coming up so I got some ouzo essence, mixed with up with some sugar and water, and let that shizz chill for a few days.
Day of the party comes – it was at one of her rich snobby friends’ places, complete with hovering, disapproving parents, inbred pets with dull eyes and rooms we weren’t allowed to enter - presumably all the art was sequestered away in there. Anyway, sh*t got way out of hand, real fast. Everybody was staring at me and hating on my hard cause I was this drunk, stoned roughhead with long hair and facial piercings. I was pretty sure this girl had told everyone she was going to sleep with me that night too. I was a virgin, and pretty terrified.
Anyhoo, I get absurdly drunk and the girl eventually drags me into a room in a freestanding building in the backyard to get it on. Next thing I know her preppy catholic school bros have burst in and dragged me from the bed, pants around my ankles, and deposited me into the yard in front of dozens of horrified onlookers. I recall very little of this. Apparently I picked myself up, brushed myself off, grabbed a beer and kept partying… with my fly still undone, stumbling around looking pretty fvcking shady, no doubt. The preppy boys never fvcked with me cause I found out later they had to drink themselves up to their confrontation and didn’t have the balls to follow through on it so fvck ‘em. Girl seems to take all this in her stride, parents show. I found out the entire ride home I was mumbling about how I needed to spew. So there’s two more horrified rich people. They get to my house, bundle me out and drive off. I don’t recall this but figured it out by the fact I was passed out in the gutter directly outside my house.
To top it off, I was woken by dad taking my pants off – his pants, as it happened, which I nicked to wear as we were the same size and they were awesome. All of this happened in the street outside my house (we were in a rural area or I’m certain someone would have called the cops immediately). I eventually came to wearing my underwear, having being dragged into our front yard by my champion dad so thanks for that.
Gave the girl a good nailing the next week, sober as a judge and horny as racehorse.