What is the worst / most bizarre thing you've done while drunk?

This thread is great. I have two contributions.

1-A bunch of us went over to a friend's house to celebrating his breakup. His ex-girlfriend was horrible to him and he had finally worked up the nerve to kick her to the curb. We started drinking at noon. There was a pool in his apartment complex and a Dollar General down the street. At around 4pm I ran into Dollar General and stole a box of plastic toy sharks, then threw them into the pool while humming/screaming the Jaws theme. Lots of pool-goers witnessed this. We woke up from that party around noon the next day. My friend has this very thick (very nice) wood coffee table in his living room. There was a pitch fork stuck in it. None of us own a pitch fork and to this day, have no idea where it came from.

2-This isn't my story per se, but it's pretty crazy and merits a place on this thread. Many years ago, I was at a mostly college party in a seedy neighborhood. In the middle of the night, the State and Local Police (LOTS of them) swarm the block and bust the house across the street from the party. Turns out they were dealing drugs out of it. A friend of mine thinks he's a dangerous anti-government intellectual and is a very loud, opinionated drunk. He starts complaining about the cops oppressing people who weren't doing anything wrong and blah, blah, blah typical nonsense. Whenever he gets on his high horse, I like to start arguments with him, because it's HYSTERICAL to see him get riled up. I told him he should shut up unless he was prepared to DO something about the cops and that the next time he was in trouble he should call a hippie or a philosophy professor. He started complaining more and every time he'd open his mouth, I'd scream "Put up or shut up!" After about five minutes of this, he takes a deep breath and gives me this look like "I don't need to take this from you!" Then he walks into the street and steals a cop car! They left it running and he just got in, put it in drive and took off. Everybody was so focused on what was going on across the street that the only people who noticed were me and a couple other party guests. At about 8am, he calls us from a McDonald's in the next town and asks us to come get him. Turns out he drove around for 10-15 minutes before he freaked out about what he had done. Then he "ditched the car in some neighborhood" and wandered around (totally lost) for a few hours until he figured out where he was. He talked so much trash to me on the ride home. And to this day, if I try to give him any shit, he just gives me a smirk and I have to shut up.

This isnt bizarre or horrible, just fun

One time I was in Vegas and me and some friends went to this real upscale party at the Playboy club. It wasnt black tie but everyone was in suits and the ladies were all in cocktail dresses (or bunny outfits). It was real nice and they had hor d'oeuvres and an open bar. Anyways everyone is getting hammered and there is gambling and dancing and everyone is having a fun time. So I meet this girl and we go upstairs to this other club Moon which is one floor above the Playboy, and this club is closed but we open the rope and go upstairs. So we are making out and finally she says she is staying in the hotel so we go back to her room.

So we finish up and I take a quick shower, say my goodbyes and head back to club. My buddies were gone so I head to the lobby, hit some blackjack for 10 minutes, win a little and decide to head back to the strip. But the cabbie says I should visit this spa a few miles out town. So I take a trip to Hong Kong and it was really an awesome time. I highly recommend this way to end an evening.

By now its 4 or 5 in the morning so I head back and walk in the lobby and all of my buddies are hammered and playing roulette and they show no signs of slowing down so of course I hop in, start drinking again and got to telling a nice fun story. That was a fun day.

Had another drink.

This did not happen to me but my family mentions it from time to time.

My mom, stepdad, little sis (12 years old), and little brother were staying in Virginia for Thanksgiving at my stepdad's sister's home. They all shared the guest room. My mom and my sister shared a bed and my stepdad and bro shared a sofa.

My stepdad's side of the family is known for being rowdy when they get together. One of the nights they were there my stepdad and Uncle got down on some Jack and green. My stepdad went to bed very late and very drunk.

Around 5 am my mom (probably sleeping a little bit of it off too) woke up immediately from having dreams about my little sister being stuck in a fountain. Turns out my stepdad was sleep walking and thought my mom's face was a urinal. My little sister was screaming "Mommy! Mommy! Daddy's peeing on you! Daddy's peeing on you!"

unleashed pepper spray in a crowded dance floor

Um, actually a dude and two chicks.

"a dude" and two chicks? not YOU and two chicks? so you just watched?

no, because I'm not a guy. I was one of the chicks. seriously, use your brain.

It was easy to tell from the "I usually just get silly" part.

I would tell my stories but I think it would be too recognizable to people who I know frequently visit Letsrun. They almost always involve nudity, cops, or vandalism/sickness. Luckily no driving though!

I got so drunk that I stopped writing about myself for 15 minutes

While drinking in a dive bar with no windows & no beer on tap--bottles only, I got drunk with my childhood, PLATONIC friend "Suzie." We passed out in my car in her driveway. (No need to talk about driving to get there from the bar. Stupid!) Her mom, while letting the dogs out in the morning, wakes us up by knocking on the window. Suzie rolls down the window. Here is the dialogue between Suzie & her mom:

MOM: Whew! This car smells like a brewery!

SUZIE: Mom, Larry (not my real name) & me had anal sex in the car! (We didn't. We are to this day only friends.)

Her mom just walks away & Suzie rolls up the window. We pass out for another couple of hours.

I've been through a few pages of these and haven't seen any running related ones so I'll tell my relatively tame story.

We were at the hotel the night before a meet and my friend and I, being the alcoholics we were, thought it was a great decision to get f***ed up. We end up finishing off over bottle vodka in the room right beside our coach. My last memory of the night is walking to the snack machine at god knows what time and I vaguely remember having a conversation with someone who I think was my coach. He's the type of guy who would rather look the other way a few times than confront you about the situation so he never said anything about it. We woke up 5 minutes before we were supposed to leave for the meet, looking and feeling like hell. Drinking buddy and I go to warmup for the 5000 and puke all over the street, then proceed to run shitty times. Don't get f***ed up before meets kids.

Over the last few days I read this entire thread.

one night i had way way too much. my teammates realized that i just needed to go home. There is an asian girl(jane) and an arabian guy(bob) on the team who are going out. The two of them were trying to get me in the car to drive home. As it was described to me the next day i just kept saying

"no i won't get in, even if jane doesnt crash the car bob will probably blow it up"

I taught an evening course for graduate students--Introduction to Bibliographic Methods. I kept giggling like a feesimple fool, but they sat there taking notes like a good little herd. Best class ever.

1. Smashed 7 or 8 pint glasses against the wall of the dorm bathroom while laughing hysterically because I thought it was funny.

2. Drove home on many many occasions after university.

Trespassed onto a construction site, started up a crane and moved the wrecking ball. No joke- I got arrested, too.

This thread is one of the more interesting things I've read on the internet lately, or perhaps ever.

Stole a hall mate's artificial legs during a routine fire drill in my college dorm