I listed my "PRs" on my resume, and now the chickens have come home to roost.

SMDH wrote:

You know the OP is trolling, right?

[/quote]

Maybe, but I'm putting off doing the breakfast dishes right now.

The answer is obvious. Bring in a ringer that looks kinda like you. Have the ringer wear a giant rainbow afro so everyone will think you're lightening up the mood while in fact you're keeping them from looking at his face. If you're still worried then have the guy go full clown make-up and then you can't lose.

jkfrauddetection wrote:

You can either say:

"I refuse to race" - a la Jerry

Or say that your serious racing days are in your past, and while you've give it an effort anything way sub-18:00 is unlikely.

Unfortunately, I get a little nervous still when around office higher-ups. When the boss asked me if I'd run it I said yes (felt like the only answer I could give) and then he asked me if I'm in shape and I said yes again. I realize I have a problem with being straightforward when I'm nervous, like in the interview and again when my boss asked me if I'm in shape.

CoachB wrote:

SMDH wrote:

You know the OP is trolling, right?

Maybe, but I'm putting off doing the breakfast dishes right now.[/quote]

Hi CoachB. I'm not trolling. I actually just printed your post for reference going forward. Thank you.

DiscoGary wrote:

The answer is obvious. Bring in a ringer that looks kinda like you. Have the ringer wear a giant rainbow afro so everyone will think you're lightening up the mood while in fact you're keeping them from looking at his face. If you're still worried then have the guy go full clown make-up and then you can't lose.

I would say the obvious answer is to save pride, but also don't race:

Do 800/1500m training up until the race and drop your mile time as much as possible. Dangle your 5-flat in front of them, proving your fitness . Then, a few days before the race, fein injury.

"Sorry guys, guess your hero can't take part this year!"

Then you have a year to decide if you want to train and actually get in the shape of your life to dominate your corporate bro scene and impress your fellow pencil pushers.

I would still go with the clown ringer, but if you chose to race, then I agree with this advice accept I would run at about 5:00 pace for as long as I could and then hit the ground. Make sure you puke... a good colorful puke so everyone can see it. Puke's your way out of this pal. Run til you puke.

One of the best thread titles I think I've ever seen here.

Don't you know how this works? Go super HAM at the start of the race then, with a mile or so to go, start stumbling around and pretending like you're really injured or sick or something. Keep pathetically attempting to continue with tears in your eyes and a grimace on your face. Once the faster runner has pulled away from you, collapse in a heap and blame it on improper nutrition and also a stress reaction that you've been training through. Don't forget to cry. Some will admire your grit; others will think you're a baby, but they still might believe that you're actually capable of running fast.

D3 Girl wrote:

Don't you know how this works? Go super HAM at the start of the race then, with a mile or so to go, start stumbling around and pretending like you're really injured or sick or something. Keep pathetically attempting to continue with tears in your eyes and a grimace on your face. Once the faster runner has pulled away from you, collapse in a heap and blame it on improper nutrition and also a stress reaction that you've been training through. Don't forget to cry. Some will admire your grit; others will think you're a baby, but they still might believe that you're actually capable of running fast.

... AND REMEMBER TO PUKE!!!

You don't "need" to win anything. You're delusional. No one cares.

Just have fun and do your best. If you don't run the fastest time for your company, hats off to the other guy.

A guy I used to work with was the corporate lunchtime 5k record holder and never lost a race, and was a pompous fool. He claimed PRs of low 14 for 5k and mid 28 for 10k--no one could very because this was back in the 1980s when race records were not as available as they are today. His 5k course record was 15:05. Pretty good but not close to his claimed PRs.

We hired a guy in our group who had run the Olympic trials 5k and 10k. The guy we hired wasn't running anymore when we hired him. After meeting the record holder, the new guy realized what an arse he was; the guy claimed he could beat the trials runner easily because he was in shape and the new guy wasn't.

The new guy started running again. At a lunchtime 5k the pompous fool was ready to win yet another race. Walking up at the last second to do the run was the new guy. It was a total wipeout. The new guy crushed the course record by 30 seconds. The pompous fool ended up more than one-minute behind. The fool forced himself into the lead but could only hold it for less than a minute. The new guy wanted to run in front and make the fool chase him. And that is exactly what he did. The gap increased slowly. The final 2k, or so, the new guy hit the afterburners. The pompous fool never spoke about running PRs every again.

Pull a Greathouse. Tell everyone you're in peak condition, then have a family emergency come up the day of the race.

Maybe you can psyche out their ringer.

Get all of the best gear to wear for the event. Play the role of the pro.

Do elaborate stretches and drills before the race.

Then bow down and start doing prayers at the line.

At the start go out hard. But make him follow at an uncomfortable pace.

Try to break him knowing that you can't keep it going yourself.

Then either he pulls up and you coast in for the win or you have to fake an injury and drop out.

Just don't finish anywhere but first.

One question and one bit of advice:

I don't mean to be condescending, but how in the heck did you run in college with a 16:55 PR? I mean, that's crawling even by the standards of D-III and NAIA "fun runner" schools.

But the important point is this: If your boss is hanging this expectation on you, then you need to make it clear that you can achieve the desired results only if you're allowed to put in the additional training on company time. Your actual office time must be reduced to six hours (to be scheduled at your discretion), but you will be paid for the full eight hours or continue to receive your full salary. Likewise, your workload and responsibilities must be reduced to reflect the training time that you'll be spending out of the office.

If your boss won't agree to this stipulation, then tell him there is no way you can run at his preconceived level of excellence. Given that bosses in the corporate culture are notoriously cheap, you will be off the hook and your boss will have only himself to blame.

Would have been funnier if Ralph was in a 5K -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNauilZRzHk

asdfasdf wrote:

You don't "need" to win anything. You're delusional. No one cares.

Just have fun and do your best. If you don't run the fastest time for your company, hats off to the other guy.

This is the correct answer: no one cares, not even your boss.

I've actually been in a similar situation. I was training to impress my boss and others in a company-sponsored 5k. But as much of a sucker as I was, working up to the 5k was pretty fun.

That said, Coach B's plan A is pretty sweet. I've done that as well, and it's a lot of fun.

Good luck.

There's always the Tonya and Nancy approach:

http://www.infoplease.com/spot/winter-olympics-harding.html

Fellow Corp Challenge Guy wrote:

One question and one bit of advice:

I don't mean to be condescending, but how in the heck did you run in college with a 16:55 PR? I mean, that's crawling even by the standards of D-III and NAIA "fun runner" schools.

Nope, you'd be surprised. There are college XC events in those divisions where a 29 or 30 minute 8k will put you solidly in the middle of the pack, and 28 minutes will put you in the top 10. I know because I've run them, and run those times (5k pr of 16:44), and talked to other mediocre runners from other regions from other areas who have done the same.

"Standards" only come into play when your team is competitive, or when you have oversight at your school by an AD or someone who has a sense of what's going on (in my experience, if you and your teammates are way faster than anyone else at your college over 5k, then everyone else will just assume you're pretty good at the sport of track/xc). Lots of teams just kind of exist, and the runners have fun, and it's okay.

If you end up not being able to keep up, pull up with an injury and then come to work on crutches for the next week or two.