How to get my kid to stop apologizing for running cross country

800 dude wrote:

No Way wrote:

Hockey is huge in the northeast.

And in Minnesota and Wisconsin.

In New York, it was not. No HSs had hockey teams. Not in New Jersey or Connecticut either from what I hear. Must be the further part of the Northeast. I guess Maine. Do Mass. HSs have teams?

Tell him to own it. Every team I've been on has banded together BECAUSE of the stigma of being runners. It only becomes a negative thing if he allows it to. This isn't an easy thing to convince teenagers of but it's worth a shot.

Be careful. High school is a tough time for kids. More than anything, they want to be accepted by their peers while at the same time finding something that they can do that makes them feel like they are someone. The kid may need the jerk friends just as much as he needs XC. Pushing him into confronting the jerk friends might backfire and make him lose the friends and want to quit XC. More than anything, the kid would probably just want to hear that you understand what it is like to have football players look down on XC runners and if he thinks the best way to deal with it is by playing along, you understand that and support him. And be sure that he understands that football players get put up on a pedestal for arbitrary reasons. They will frequently put down kids on XC or in the band, etc. because they actually understand that all the praise and privileges they get for being on the football team is arbitrary. Thus, they are compelled to put down others in order to justify a pecking order that they know is wrong.

Get him this book. Cross Country 101:

Great read... anyone who went to/or in high school can relate :-)

I just want to assure you all that this thread has no connection whatsoever to the "Why are East Africans so badass at distance running" thread.

acceptance is a big thing in high school so its tough to blast the whole "dont worry about what other people think thing." of course youre going to get occasional crap about running or being thin. hell even as an adult i still do

my experience from hs sounds like a few other posters. my two best friends were the stars of the football team and the basketball team. i was the star of the xc team if there is a such thing. it didnt really affect our friendship. i supported them and they supported me. they knew that running was important to me and although they didnt "get it" they were still my friends and we had plenty of other mutual interests.

if your son actually cares about running, try to encourage him to let his friends know. encourage him to support them with their sports. hopefully they will at least partially reciprocate

Powerball is right about peer acceptance. Precious Roy more so. It is true that pecking orders exist. Marching band was the lowest, and probably still is. Jazz band, not so much. All the kids wanted to come into the band room and watch it. Somewhere in between these is XC. I was in the Jazz band and made fun of Marching band. I was cool. I also ran road races. Also very cool (at the time anyway).

These concepts may not be clear to OP Dad, but I don't know why not. I still remember it all. And because I do, I won't encourage any youth to run for the team, either XC or least of all track, but I do encourage running unnatached. Why endure the heckling and ridicule? What benefit exactly does the school give you for representing them instead of just yourself? I often wonder how the kids that get hassled and made fun of (including my victims) turn out. If it was my son, I'd rather not find out. Support his decision to ditch the team if he somehow comes to that conclusion. Such a decision should be easy to arrive at the W

12th time in a day the football team threatens to kick his ass. He doesn't need that!

I never thought much of football players, nor team sports in general. From track, I saw them in the locker rooms, and how disgusting they were.

Consider, most football teams go out on "a date" all together, they often rape women, again all together, and then call that a date. That is their idea of a date, being out together, and sharing their fluids together with the guys.

I was always glad to be out for track, and not associated with those idiots.

not my usual nickname ~ wrote:

I never thought much of football players, nor team sports in general. From track, I saw them in the locker rooms, and how disgusting they were.

Consider, most football teams go out on "a date" all together, they often rape women, again all together, and then call that a date. That is their idea of a date, being out together, and sharing their fluids together with the guys.

I was always glad to be out for track, and not associated with those idiots.

what state do you live in? I'll have to not go to that state.

I feel like a lot of this attitude permeates many of the posts on this board. Its like many of the track athletes feel like because the sport is not on tv as much as football/basketball that its somehow less. This applies to people of all ages it seems. My idea is that who cares if its on tv or if anyone else likes it- they can like what they want ill like what I want and what I like is more important than what you like heh.

As for the main topic of HS sports the first thing is that the son is a soph so hopefully as he gets older he'll gain more self confidence. We defintely had that type of attitude(in xc only not track) when I got to my current school but it has changed somewhat- not completely. But we have many football players on the track team and the last two years we have done a much better job of integrating the different parts(distance,sprints,jumps etc) so maybe that helps a lot. As some others have said on the thread emphasize the fact that your son is working harder than anyone else(outside of maybe wrestling) and he can beat everyone else at the school in what he does.

Also the "inferiority complex" applies to many coaches as well. You have to realize that the AD is not going to care as much about your sport- but so what- its your job to coach the team not his. My attitude to ADs is as long as they schedule the buses(which was a minor problem with our former AD lol) thats all we need from them. Also many track coaches do a bad job of publicizing the sport(which I still need to work on as well) so the AD doesnt know as much about it esp if they dont come from a track background. At our school football makes a lot of money from ticket sales etc so the AD should be more concerned with them- again its my job to coach our team any help from him is just a bonus.

Another thing is that football is not the enemy it is your friend. Talk to the football coach and ask him to talk to the team and recruit people to do track. We are fortunate to have a great football staff(of which 3 or maybe now 4 are track coaches as well). It helps all the teams if you work together- and since you are coaching all 3 seasons you can certainly get more athletes out for indoor for instance if you work with the other coaches.

Last but not least for the 100th time on these boards remember track/xc is NOT a minor sport- there is just the perception that it is. It is the #1 HS sport for girls and the #2 HS sport for boys behind football. Also I looked up the NCAA numbers and despite all the disastrous claims about team cutting(which are certainly bad- thank you UD ugh) I think track was #2 for women and #3? for men I forget and I dont feel like checking now. If everyone is doing this sport there must be something good/positive about it. I could go on but I need to go to bed.

Precious Roy is right that the most important thing is to be supportive. But you can be supportive and continue to give your opinion, because even though he might brush it off superficially he'll likely be listening on some level. He should be proud that he's committed, works hard and is one of the top runners. When he's older he'll probably care less about what others think, which is empowering and usually a sure route to respect from others. He'll also be glad that he hasn't had any concussions.

Have your son put on a little muscle if he's embarrassed of the "skinny nerd" running stereotype. People will be more likely to recognize him as an "athlete" if he's toned and well built.

I'm talking functional, lean muscle - like Alan Webb or Nick Symmonds...push-ups, pull-ups, dips, lots of core.

He might not be as big as most of the football players, but he'll be able to hold his own.

oh my gosh wrote:

not my usual nickname ~ wrote:

I never thought much of football players, nor team sports in general. From track, I saw them in the locker rooms, and how disgusting they were.

Consider, most football teams go out on "a date" all together, they often rape women, again all together, and then call that a date. That is their idea of a date, being out together, and sharing their fluids together with the guys.

I was always glad to be out for track, and not associated with those idiots.

what state do you live in? I'll have to not go to that state.

California

Talented and a 17 min runner?

Outside high school (maybe even in high school) people are more impressed by the fact that you ran a marathon or half marathon than that you played a football game. If they hear you ran 20 miles for training, they are truly amazed. When they hear you ran 70 miles a week for 3 months they think you are superman.

Oddly people won't be very impressed to hear you ran 14:50 for 5k even though that is very good. They just can't relate to that.

michael landon wrote:

Show him this movie:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpM71RDQUQk

Better MD running movie. Skip ahead to 7:45. You're welcome.

Give his friends a big fat "f uck you"

Sounds like a 1980,s movie.

Pretty sad that this is the case. I was fortunate enough to have been raised in an environment where kids didn't give skinny xc guys a hard time. In my opinion, most people can respect hard work and dedication. If your kid truly enjoys the sport and enjoys working to get better hopefully as he gets older he gains confidence. It's ridiculous to pretend not to like a sport that you enjoy just because a couple of douches think its uncool....Society...