My wife has absolutely no libido anymore.

happy camper wrote:

Try talking to her again. 'Hey, so you know how you promised to have sex with me more? You're not.'

don't say that. that's just going to get her back up.

do talk to her. just ask her what's happening. say you love her.

single guy wrote:

I pretty much never have sex and I still feel sorry for you. I have been in a situation similar to yours, except we weren't married.

Now she's out screwing other guys around town. She was a real winner. Looks like you got yourself a keeper there. haha.

Sounds like she just wasn't that attracted to you anymore, if ever, if she is enjoying having sex with other men. Doesn't mean she isn't a "real winner". You weren't right together.

love me a bj wrote:

I'm confused why you don't "count oral." I mean, if I could only have sex about 1.5 times per month, but I got a bj 5x a week, I wouldn't complain too much. If my girl just isn't that interested in sex, but is willing to make it up to me with lots of bjs, that seems perfectly fair. You don't clarify how often she gets you off in other ways.

If you are dissatisfied now though, please don't have children with this woman.

Of course, you could always ask permission to sleep with other women. Maybe she wouldn't care as long as you stay emotionally faithful to her. It is a possibility.

He also didn't state how much oral sex he does on her. Does he satisfy her on a regular basis? Also, if he requests permission to sleep with other people, it should be a two way street - meaning she should also have the option to sleep with other men who can satisfy her more.

pear wrote:

happy camper wrote:

Try talking to her again. 'Hey, so you know how you promised to have sex with me more? You're not.'

don't say that. that's just going to get her back up.

do talk to her. just ask her what's happening. say you love her.

But what if he doesn't? That, sir, would be lying.

2 CHAINZ!!! BIRDMAN, YMCMB! BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I also said that I never cheated on you nor will I ever, but I can understand why a man could.

This was an extremely poisonous thing to say, and is the explanation for this:

And on top of that, I can't even look at a pretty celebrity on a magazine cover without her making a comment or getting jealous. Just the other day I saw a girl in the street that looked like an actress on a TV show we watch together. I mentioned it and she got upset and jealous because she knows I think the actress is pretty, therefore, I found the girl on the street pretty as well. She made a big deal out of it.

you weren't the right one wrote:

Sounds like she just wasn't that attracted to you anymore, if ever, if she is enjoying having sex with other men. Doesn't mean she isn't a "real winner". You weren't right together.

oh yeah and "it just didn't work out", etc. Love it.

The language of the Teflon personality.

Can you handle the truth hurts?

After you get older, have a couple of kids and start climbing the career ladder, biology and other things will naturally cause the frequency to slow down. This to an extent is acceptable, but when you are young, healthy and early into your marriage (3 years), you should still be on a roll. As a man or a woman, you are entitled to and have a need for a sex life and if it is not with your spouse, in time it will be with someone else. At some point, your wife will get tired of you asking and you will get tired of asking. (That is a fact!) Sex is extremely critical to your mental wellbeing and health of your relationship. Unless your mate has a medical condition, you can't convince the average man that you are still into him with no sex. (That's how we are wired.)

There are a lot of things that can be fixed, bad breath, weight gain, working too many hours, poor performance, etc. But, based on what you described and notwithstanding a lot of things, I would say there is a strong possibility she is either cheating and/or she is just not physically into you anymore. This situation does not get better, it can get worst and go on for a long time and just make the both of you miscible. Talk it out, counseling, hormone therapy; a marriage is a precious thing and it is worth doing whatever you have to get it fixed. After you have tried and it is still not working, move on and don't spend years in the misery loop when you could be having fun.

(The truth hurts!)

Looking back on my (failed) marriage, it's seems to me like my ex was all about appearances. Early in the relationship she had sex because that's what we were "supposed" to do. She didn't like it (but of course never told me until after the relationship was over), but she pretended to like it because you're supposed to like it. Once we settled into marriage, she got comfortable and realized she didn't need to do it. And because she never really liked it, she was okay with it.

She was in love with the idea of being in love. She wanted the wedding and a house and everything because that's what you do when you're in your late 20s and all of your friends are settling down. She's not an instrospective person, and while we were dating I doubt she contemplated the relationship as much as I did. I didn't jump into this marriage without a lot of thought about whether or not I was truly in love with her. I never doubted for a second that I was making the right decision, but now I see that her lack of conviction (about anything really; she couldn't even make a decision on where to eat) doomed this relationship from the start.

I think a lot of women are like this. Now many, many women do like sex. A lot. As much as men. However, it seems like just as many women have absolutely no sex drive and are just going through the motions of relationships because that's what you're supposed to do.

The halitosis theory may have something to it. I can't believe someone would go the extremes you describe without telling you, though. I'd wash my mouth out twice a day with Drano if it would make that difference.

My wife hates the mess sex makes in the bed. I admit I'm not too cool with rolling around in it later at night, either. We found ways to make it not so messy. Far better than letting sex being a turn-off.

Some women hate to initiate. My wife has maybe five times in more than 25 years of marriage. It's the way she's wired. I don't get it, but I've made my peace with it. She's worth initiating every time if that's the way things are (and they are).

Maybe sex hurts for her and she won't tell you and it hurts less in the spooning position?

I don't know why some women get this way. Makes no sense to me. I don't know if your situation can be turned around, but I hope so.

Women on this forum? Any clues here?

love me a bj wrote:

I'm confused why you don't "count oral." I mean, if I could only have sex about 1.5 times per month, but I got a bj 5x a week, I wouldn't complain too much. If my girl just isn't that interested in sex, but is willing to make it up to me with lots of bjs, that seems perfectly fair. You don't clarify how often she gets you off in other ways.

If you are dissatisfied now though, please don't have children with this woman.

Of course, you could always ask permission to sleep with other women. Maybe she wouldn't care as long as you stay emotionally faithful to her. It is a possibility.

Clue #2 this is a troll. If she is so sickened by your emaciated runner appearance she won't even face you during coitus then she is not going down on you.

my wife initiates sex 90% of the time. We do it 3-4 times/month. It's very important to me that I please her & I take respinsibility for that as my #1 goal. We're better in bed than ever, even though we don't do it all the time. I've learned the right buttons to push & how/when to push them...

Make it all about her & not about you, and you may get somewhere. She's not just a receptacle to get your rocks off in.. Don't 'do it' until it's obvious she's ready for you. If that means 30 minutes of 4play, so be it. Quit thinking about sex as something that's 'for you' and make it all about her. Then it may start to work for ya..

mid-late 40s, married 20+ yrs wrote:

my wife initiates sex 90% of the time. We do it 3-4 times/month. It's very important to me that I please her & I take respinsibility for that as my #1 goal. We're better in bed than ever, even though we don't do it all the time. I've learned the right buttons to push & how/when to push them...

Make it all about her & not about you, and you may get somewhere. She's not just a receptacle to get your rocks off in.. Don't 'do it' until it's obvious she's ready for you. If that means 30 minutes of 4play, so be it. Quit thinking about sex as something that's 'for you' and make it all about her. Then it may start to work for ya..

Bingo! This post is the answer to a happy marriage.

Sounds like your wife is not getting thing out of the act. Some women just don't like sex all that much, but the fact that she has a dildo says something about that.

You need to ask yourself are you doing anything to make it special for her? Are you romancing her ahead of time? Are you making it fun for her? Do you know what she likes and are you doing it? Are you making her do things she does not like just because you do.

In short, are you making it all about you instead of her? Something tells me you are. Or she's having an affair...or is gay or bisexual.

al__bundy wrote:

Sounds like your wife ...

Look, the first words from the OP were 'I'm new here...'

And you folks haven't figured out that he's a troll?

Seriously?

Sorry to hear your story. Usually this kind of thing happens with women during and after menopause. For me sex needs to be spontaneous. If there is no chemistry, no desire from both of you in having sex, then you have an issue. She might be having some health issues. Maybe sex became painful for her for some reason that you don't know. Sometimes women are not open about this kind of situation. Talk to her. You are in a bad situation if you like your and enjoy having sex with her because you can not force anyone to like or have sex with you. Time to move on.

oh, she has a libido alright, just not with you. The fact that she masturbates is evidence enough. Look, marriage does this to you. People just get tired of having sex with the same person over and over and over for the rest of their lives. It becomes so boring and redundant it becomes a chore for many people.

That's why so many people cheat. Humans were not meant to be with one person for ever. It's in men's nature to want to procreate with as many women as possible and for women to breed with the strongest, healthiest males around. You are just not the strongest, healthiest male around anymore and your wife wants to get it on with other males, or even sex toys. Anything but you. Sorry to put it like that, but sounds like this is the case. Try going to the gym, buffing up and getting a new muscular body, she will start seeing you sexy again and might put out. If that doesn't work, dump her and find yourself a new chick...and never get married again.

Marriage destroys sex.

Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel. Lots of help in there about root causes and solutions.

Biology and culture don't always line up.

sorry to read about your situation man.

i would have sex every freaking day if was married.

if that wasnt possibly i would run.

ask yourself how many times/month do you wanna have sex?