dumb wrote:
The "life circumstances" is 99% likely to be that he is in the friend zone. I would speculate that she had a boyfriend except that they apparently went on a backpacking trip alone together.
There is no way he is in the friendzone if she is willing to go on a 5 day backpacking trip alone with him. That is like asking him to put the moves on.
My opinion is try it out. Nobody is perfect, and good women are hard to find.
a gem wrote:
Of course my post only highlighted the differences. That was the point. In actuality, we are both extremely unique people, to the point both of us feel like we've never met anyone like the other, and though she fits in with "normal" people alright, I have a harder time getting on with them. I mean, I get along with most everyone, but I am a big loner most of the time because I enjoy time to myself more than time with the vast majority of people. I do not feel this way with her. We have similar outlooks on life, overlapping hobbies (hiking, traveling, new experiences, etc), are both health conscious and into exercise (finding a sane female who fits this description is tougher than you'd think), we laugh and laugh and laugh together, and like I mentioned, we were able to spend five days continuously around each other and no one else without any problems. That's not say there would never be problems, but very few people can be around someone for 120 hours straight without wanting to kill them by the end of the second day.
It's a big plus that you communicate well. The problem is that you've not communicated yet about religion or money. As long as you can work these out, that is fine, but at this point is questionable. It could be that once they're brought up, they will be sticklers from then on. If you can work them out, that is fine, but I wouldn't take that for granted. Also, money isn't everything. What is she really after, that is more important than money, i.e. why does she want so much money? Maybe there are other ways to get what she wants without having a sole huge focus on money, or, maybe that's the main thing for her.
she is a bit younger than me, and I'm hoping she will kind of "come to her senses" over money in the next few years as she moves from college into the work place and realizes people don't just "decide" they're going to make $100k/year (she thinks it's as simple as that).
What would she do with the money, buy houses? The religion might be the biggest issue to resolve.
I wouldn't worry about the intelligence gap. Your communication with her is much more important.
You have issues to resolve though. What are the "current life circumstances" that don't allow you to be together? Would you be, otherwise, if you could? Maybe once you communicate more than on a surface level, you will find out you're just friends. That is what the quest for knowledge is all about, you won't know what you'll find till you get there.
None of these points matter because that's an old post and he probably ditched his friend.
Yes, you should elope to Reno and make this happen ASAP. Make sure you bring your birth certificates. No blood tests necessary.
You know what's freakin crazah. A year ago I would've done it. with all the weird stuff I remember saying, I don't know what was wrong with me.
I am reading this book and it's really interesting how parts of your brain shuts down a bit from extended periods of high stress. Rational thinking is very difficult until the chemicals rebalance.
you sound like a closet homosexual
You said that she was "a bit younger". Exactly what is the age difference? Also, it is important to know your exact ages, as a 5 year difference is less important if you're in your 30's, but huge if you're 23 and she is 18 and has not yet experienced college.
I think you guys should date first. Marriage should be discussed like 1-2 years after you get together.
J.R. wrote:
What are the "current life circumstances" that don't allow you to be together?
Because I'm married right now.
dumb wrote:
The "life circumstances" is 99% likely to be that he is in the friend zone. I would speculate that she had a boyfriend except that they apparently went on a backpacking trip alone together.
Actually it's the fact we currently live 1000+ miles apart, are both extremely personally driven, and have some things we want to accomplish before settling into any serious relationships. No friendzone. We kissed when I left for graduate school and have spoken implicitly about a long-term relationship. We both realize it's not a good time for either of us, so we didn't start anything romantic with one another. We only met in my final year of undergrad too, and we didn't really become "best friends" of sorts until the final months of that time. Despite the distance and time since I left, we still communicate frequently and do not bring up any romantic relationships we're having as we're both aware the other doesn't like to hear about it.
As for ages, I turned 24 in November last year, and she'll turn 22 later this month, so there's about 2.5 years between us. Not a big difference, but I feel like she hasn't thought about life, careers, children, marriage, what she really wants in life, that sort of thing, nearly as much as I have.
As for the intelligence gap, uh, I don't really want to harp on this topic, but the difference is "significant". We hang out, do leisure activities together, and talk about normal life stuff, but we will never connect on a higher intellectual level (which I have been fine with so far; I'm asking if anyone here has had a problem with this in long term relationships).
And finally, of course we should date first. Like I said, this is largely hypothetical. It's not like I'm just going to randomly propose to her one day out of the blue. I am seeing her as a potential wife in the somewhat distant future (probably 4-8 years), at least more so than any other girl I've met, so it's something I think about at times. I'm not dwelling on this at all. I'm just thinking about my life and think, "Hey, if I want to get married, this girl seems like a great candidate, but let's hear some thoughts and advice from other guys on our differences." It wasn't meant to be super serious or heated. I think some of you need to chill out a bit.
Come to Utah, my brother. You can have her for the friendly wife and another one for the intellectual wife.
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Free Advice wrote:
You said that she was "a bit younger". Exactly what is the age difference? Also, it is important to know your exact ages, as a 5 year difference is less important if you're in your 30's, but huge if you're 23 and she is 18 and has not yet experienced college.
What if she never goes to college? What difference would that make for their ages?
a gem wrote:
We hang out, do leisure activities together, and talk about normal life stuff, but we will never connect on a higher intellectual level (which I have been fine with so far; I'm asking if anyone here has had a problem with this in long term relationships).
You can communicate with anyone in the world on that higher intellectual level. That is not something that is important to me in a personal relationship, and might actually interfere with it.
jwjwj wrote:
Free Advice wrote:You said that she was "a bit younger". Exactly what is the age difference? Also, it is important to know your exact ages, as a 5 year difference is less important if you're in your 30's, but huge if you're 23 and she is 18 and has not yet experienced college.
What if she never goes to college? What difference would that make for their ages?
You're correct, it wouldn't make any difference. However, I've witnessed several instances where a 23 year old male latches onto a 18-19 year old girl who is easily impressed by his "worldlyness", then a few years later realizes that she never had the chance, or took the opportunity to be carefree and single, as in the college years. That's why I chose 23and 18 for my example.
In this particular case we're discussing here, all bets are off. When he mentioned that he is married....OMG....that puts a whole new spin on it. He says he is 24, and already has a wandering eye. He couldn't have been married all that long. He needs to grow up. Or, perhaps he was swept off of his feet by an older female, and realized he never had the opportunity to be carefree and single.
I'm not married, you idiot. That was someone posting under my handle. Geezus krist, how dense can you get.
a gem wrote:
I'm not married, you idiot. That was someone posting under my handle. Geezus krist, how dense can you get.
.......then you should password-protect your handle, especially with this topic.
a gem wrote:
[quote]Doclove wrote:
We haven't done the dirty, but she is a 9.9/10. I'd give her the full 10, but she's pretty "lean" in a particular area if you know what I mean.
Actually I have no idea what you mean. I love a good double entendre or just hinting around at stuff but I really have no idea what you are getting at.
Perhaps the OP should consider changing his handle to "a dud" because he sure the hell is NOT a gem.
Carry on with your irritating, pathetic banter.
Feeling dense wrote:
Actually I have no idea what you mean. I love a good double entendre or just hinting around at stuff but I really have no idea what you are getting at.
He means she doesn't have boobs like a cow.