I need help with this as well. Been seeing a girl for almost 3 years now. Started out for the first two years at about 115 pounds. In the past year has swelled up to about 130... :-( Should I just tell her that the fat makes me not really attracted to her and she needs to lose it, or is there a more tactful way?
notfat wrote:
No...there is NO way to 'tactfully' say that she 'needs to start exercising. All you can do is suggest healthy fun activities, don't take her out for fast food meals and just be her friend. She is well aware that she is packing some extra pounds. It is not your problem. And just because she might weigh less doesn't mean her life will be great all of a sudden. Leave it be.
Wouldn't you be upset if a 'friend' told you that you need to be better at something because in their opinion you would be so much happier? How about if your girlfried said that sex would be better if.......
.... If I showered more frequently? If I used deodorant? If I lost some weight? If I would stop sneaking salami sandwiches into bed to eat during sex? Yeah it might piss me off initially, but if I'm not taking care of myself, how could I blame her for disliking sex?
Her weight is affecting her happiness. She's in a self-pity spiral, she feels bad about herself so she eats which makes her gain weight which makes her feel bad about herself. Exercise would help break the cycle.
The greatest motivation for some women is fitting into nice clothes. The ultimate, of course, being a wedding dress. Ask her to marry you? (ha,ha, just kidding....I don't have a great answer for you).
zip zero nada wrote:
I need help with this as well. Been seeing a girl for almost 3 years now. Started out for the first two years at about 115 pounds. In the past year has swelled up to about 130... :-( Should I just tell her that the fat makes me not really attracted to her and she needs to lose it, or is there a more tactful way?
Dude, 15 lbs is just a little water weight. Either that or she needs a colon cleanse to get rid of that 15lbs of spackle build-up.
obviously you believe in inner beauty before outer.
Give up. I recently stumbled on a show by Dr. Dwyer. One of his quotes was "never underestimate your power to change yourself and never overestetimate your power to change other people." I have found this true in my own life. I have tried to get several friends over the last several years who are overweight to get into some sort of exercise, thinking it would really help them feel better. Didn't. One woman I convinced to meet me at the gym 3 days a week (on my recovery days) just ate up my workout time wanting to sit w/coffee/tea and talk "to get in the mood" to workout...by the time she finally wanted to start her 15 min of very pathetic cardio, I didn't even want to do anything anymore...some days I would stay in the gym after our little talk and pretend workout, for my real workout . . .and end up leaving at like noon (started at 8). It ended up screwing up my workouts, which isn't something I'm willing to do. Also all of these friends of course end up wanting me to "exercise" with them . . . been begged to walk instead of run and/or do yoga on a home DVD at someone's house b/c they "hate" running...finally I just accepted that I can't change other people and I don't want my own exercise regime to suffer b/c other people aren't motivated. I would just give up, and move on to find a friend/girlfriend who shares your love of fitness and/or accept a friend/girlfriend who just isn't interested...
Mrs. M wrote:
The greatest motivation for some women is fitting into nice clothes. The ultimate, of course, being a wedding dress. Ask her to marry you? (ha,ha, just kidding....I don't have a great answer for you).
Hold on here! I think that Mrs. M has found the answer.
Ask her to marry you. Put the date about a year out and then tell her that you want to look your best for the impending nuptials. She agrees and you both set realistic goals, workout regularly and eat right in anticipation of the greatest day of her life.
As the date gets closer and she has reached her fitness goals you break it off with her by announcing your original intent. It's a win/win! She's fitter and you don't have to get married.
It's only a win for him if she accepts a cigar band for an engagement ring. Otherwise, he's out a ring.
Buy her sexy lingerie that is too small.
Start salsa dancing classes, she'll think it's romantic[quote]Mrs. M wrote:
Oh, right, I probably didn't consider that since I got away with a $30 engagement ring procured in Old Town Panama City.
I still think he can get away with a fake ring for a reasonable price. I mean, can he really put a price on the fitness of his "friend"?
chocolate covered strawberry wrote:
I have a friend who is letting herself go. Convincing her to exercise would change the course her life is taking, but how can I do it in a way that doesn't make her feel like doo doo?
You just can't comment on a woman's weight.
Check out the Geico ad
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdy3orO6tQArickshaw
long stick
string
twinkie
done
If she'll fall for a fake ring, it's a good chance she'll fall for a fake marriage proposal in order to get her to lose weight. OP, go for it!
"Damn your ass is getting biiiig!!!
And I like it!!!!"
There is a tactful way, just say that you realize she's going through tough times or maybe thinks she's fine the way she is, but that if she started walking daily and eased into running not only would it make her feel better, it would make her healthier, and give her more confidence (make her feel sexier!) tell her at first it'll be hard, but you'll help her ease into, and after a month of making a habit of it, she'll be good to go.
all my amigas know i run a lot, and i try to get a lot of them to start running too, especially if i can tell they need it. one of my girl friends started running, lost some weight, and looks so attractive now and is still running! :-) another of my friends is just starting up too!
Show her your fat arse. Not necessarily tactful, but she'll understand.
Could you improve your eating habits (for most guys that is a yes)? Keep a food diary for 3-5 days and encourage her to do it as well. Together work on changes you can make together. You will be fueled better for workouts, she will loose a few lbs. It is a win win! Do this about once a month and each time tweak it a little more.
You may want to ask her to set some goals for the new year. If she has gained weight, I am sure that will come up in her goals. Then you can offer ways to help.
My friend, she will not start exercising and she will most likely gain another 40 pounds. And so she will not like you butting in her life and telling her she is 40 pounds overweight. She knows. I know these women. They believe that people should like them the way there are. Which is true. Tell her to get her sh*t together and she'll resent you forever. But honestly it sounds like you don't respect her so it's OK.
chocolate covered strawberry wrote:
Ekiden man wrote:it's a difficult thing because some ladies dont understand the human body was meant to sweat
Hit the nail on the head. She hates exercising.
She's about 40lbs overweight, and at 5'7" she's not out of control yet. But she's headed there. The way I see it, even if talking to her about it makes her feel bad, if I'm successful then the rest of her life will be way better than it would be otherwise. A good friend would do that, right?
DON"T DO THAT. just don't go there. a man told me this once and it pretty much destroyed my self esteem and it will never be repaired.
it's her body. not yours.
[quote]NO SLEEP TIL BROOKLYN wrote:
My friend, she will not start exercising and she will most likely gain another 40 pounds. And so she will not like you butting in her life and telling her she is 40 pounds overweight. She knows. I know these women. They believe that people should like them the way there are. Which is true. Tell her to get her sh*t together and she'll resent you forever. But honestly it sounds like you don't respect her so it's OK.
[quote
This is SOOOO true. They really do have a serious chip on their shoulder--"being overweight doesn't make a person any different," I remember my very overweight friend telling me this--totally outraged and on the verge of tears--when another one of our friends remarked that a guy (completely different person unknown to all of us) was too overweight for her to date. Then she jumped on the exercise band wagon for about 2 weeks until she realized it was actual work, at which point she promptly gave up, *and* didn't like that I didn't want to continue meeting at the gym when all she wanted to do was talk when we arrived!!