Dating and the frugal lifestyle??

The local paper used to have a weekly column titled "Cheap Date" written by a pair of reporters who would find things to do in the region with a weekly budget cap of $20. Usually there was food involved, dinner at an inexpensive restaurant plus a free event, perhaps just an appetizer or dessert and an inexpensive event. The column ran for many years without many repeats so clearly it is possible and can be kind of entertaining if you want to make a game of it. Ironically the column ended when the paper was cutting budgets and the reporters were laid off.

Personally, I like to spend money on my wife. It is fun to take her out to restaurants and try new places. I work hard so that I can do this. We are not rich, but we do okay. We have a nice house, kids in private school, two working cars, etc.

I am cheap when it comes to some things, but when it comes to our nights out, we make it f***ing rain. We have been married for 16 happy years.

Maybe this is why so many of you have the post-nuptial shut off problems.

Who would want to screw a skinny cheap-skate.

Candy Assed Bitch wrote:

Who would want to screw a skinny cheap-skate.

Lots of gay dudes.

Call me old fashioned but if you're a guy and you don't pay on the first date you don't deserve and most likely will not get a second date. She may offer to pay but this is only a test and under no circumstances should you accept this offer. Aside from this, there's no reason the date shouldn't be something within your budget.

It's not necessary to spend any money on a date -- let me modify that -- if you're looking for love, it's not necessary to spend any money on a date; if you are trying to hook-up that's a different story.

Whether male or female, if your date is remotely interested in you, going out is more about spending time together than spending money. Going for a walk, or run, or feeding ducks at the park, or watching a movie at your house, etc. is a good way to spend quality time together without spending a dime.

Think about the dates that you've been on in the past; did it really matter what you were doing? Probably not, just that you were spending time with someone that you were interested in.

Lobstah chowda wrote:

She says the reason she married me was the first breakfast I made for her when we were dating: I wasn't stingy on the bacon and the eggs were cooked perfectly.

I am sorry but I find this really funny. Who did you marry? A fat ass cow!??!?!? "The reason why I married you is because of the food you can cook me!" Sounds like love man....

And to the OP. Being stingy shouldn't hurt your ability to date women. It will hurt your ability to have a second date with women though. However the women you want to introduce to your parents will not care about you being stingy and will more than likely go on a second date with you. The money hungry ones (99.9% of the visually attractive women) will not go on a second date once they find out you are frugal.

Your solution is to look for an average looking female and date her. She will be more reasonable with finances and more fun to be around (less drama) in the long run.

just a suggestion wrote:

Take her out on a run. Share one of your gels and offer your water when she gets thirsty. Plenty ways to be cheap on a date. Good luck, man.

How would I have gels and a water on a run?

I suspect "this is the answer" has a best friend.

It is his hand. You sound creepy.

I am a 25 year old female who goes on dates regularly. If I were to go on the first date with a guy and he did not pay, it would be the last date. I look at myself as a great catch, and there are plenty of men in the world who would love to buy me dinner. That being said, once I get to the third date with a guy and I hope to keep seeing him, I pay. I have a good job and its important for a guy to know that financially, I can take care of myself. Prior to that, he has to show me he is willing to put in the effort. It is a game that has to be played accordingly. Also, any longer relationship I have had I find that generally men want to take care of me both financially and personally. That being said, not paying for the date is a dealbreaker.

setting the world on fire wrote:

I look at myself as a great catch, and there are plenty of men in the world who would love to buy me dinner.

Keep telling yourself this honey. Maybe someday you'll build up enough self esteem to not have to tell yourself this.

There's a difference between being "stingy" and being frugal. The former WILL impact your ability to date women worth dating; the latter should not. If you make a good income and have disposal income, but refuse to eat out (and pay for) a nice meal on occasion, then you are stingy, and no one will want to date you. If you, on the other hand, don't make much money, live on a tight budget, but take the time to plan and cook a lovely picnic at a park in lieu of eating at a nice restaurant, then you are being frugal, and a worthwhile woman will appreciate your efforts. Being stingy (i.e. cheap) is a horrible quality, and I assure you, ALL women find it immensely unattractive.

Congratulations on your financial and marital success. You may have missed the point of the original post. The poster said he couldn't afford expenses, which is a situation young adults are experiencing. Being frugal early on will enable him to enjoy some of the luxuries that you do.

What you're saying, then, is that you're a de facto prostitute? You're not admitting to yourself or others that money is the ultimate goal of a relationship (read: sex), but the definitions are the same. Whether or not you start paying after a few dates or not, the basis upon which you choose your man is much the same as a lady of the night.

My question to you is, if this man knows that money is the key to your love (or the prospect thereof), how is he different from the losers who pick up prostitutes on the street?

You, honey, are not a "great catch" and I would stay as far away from you as possible. When the money runs out, so do you. Sad, sad, sad.

When it comes to dating, OP, you should find a woman who likes to live the same lifestyle as you. That way, there are no outside expectations. You SHOULD pay for her on the date, but it should not be expected that the date be anything beyond either of your means. You can have the same amount of fun with that person no matter what you're doing. Everything else is a status symbol, for you and for her.

As I previously stated, I have gone on a number of dates, many of which were successful in the sense that I had a great time with a nice person and others where we did not have a great deal in common. I can say from experience that the guys who did not pay on the first date seemed cheap in many other ways as well. Maybe they didn't open the door for me or complained about something that seemed obsolete. My point is that by not paying for that first date, it can say other, sometimes negative things about their personality and I know myself well enough to know that probably won't work for me.

With 7 billion people in the world, why would I settle for the guy unwilling to buy dinner? Let him go find some other girl where that behavior is good enough and accepted, I'm just not her. You can say all those things about how I'm a bad person or whatever, I just have standards.

This is a load of bull. There are girls out there who prefer things like getting a stale loaf of bread and feeding the ducks at city park lake over getting all gussied up and going to the opera. Watching hummingbirds fight over flowers in the mountains and the chipmunks with cheeks full of pine cone seeds can be a lot more fun and relaxing than going to some fancy restaurant with snotty waiters. And cheaper, too. Plus, you don't have to get dressed up. The chipmunks don't care.

Most women probably won't out eat a guy on the first date. If you want to keep dinner date expenses low but still not look cheap, go to a decent restaurant but order a small dinner salad. Make sure you stop by BK and get a whopper before you pick her up though so you won't be famished at dinner.

Night Runner wrote:

I suspect "this is the answer" has a best friend.

It is his hand. You sound creepy.

What an original remark. Here's my annual data on number of girls I've screwed:

2004: 1

2005: 2

2006: 0

2007: 2

2008: 1

2009: 5, including a 6 month exclusive relationship

2010: 6 to date.

Notice the inflection point in 2009? That's when I stopped paying attention to women's dating advice, stopped doing dinner, stopped trying to be a nice guy, and stopped taking girls seriously. That's why I give the advice I do. Oh, and the quality of girls I've been getting has been going up too.

I should add that my advice is in reference to the first few dates: before you have sex with a girl, never take her to dinner. After you've slept with her, do what you want.

Another thing: I've always found that girls who claim to be great catches are not only unattractive, but also have terrible personalities.

A general suggestion for men: if you want to be successful with women, don't ask women what to do. Ask the people who are themselves successful with women - i.e. men who can get what they want from women.

A smart girl probably makes plenty of her own money, and if not, there are plenty of schlubs who will happily "shower" her with money, dates and trinkets for the slightest token of affection. What is extremely hard for her to find is a man who can really deliver in bed, a guy who can pitch the High Hard One right over home plate. That's what I'm for, and if she asks nicely I won't even expect her to bring me gifts or do my laundry (but she'll probably want to anyway).

Haha, poor people are hilarious!