Married guys here: did you and your wife ever talk about who is in charge? Or like, who has the final say in things?

You sure told him bruh! I love the part where you called him an “overcompensating beta incel.” That will definitely change his mind. Way to engage!

Whoever is more passionate about the topic is the one who has the final say.

One example was when my wife insisted we buy a house in Miami. I didn't want to because I thought we were at the top of a housing bubble, and deep down I didn't want to live in Miami. This disagreement went on for several months until she sent me to see a house I loved in Jupiter Farms, FL. Suddenly I was open to the idea of buying a house so long as we moved OUT of Miami. We ended up buying in Jupiter in April of '21 and it turned out to NOT be the top of a housing bubble.

Prior to our marriage in 1978, my future wife and I met with our pastor for premarital counseling. He was outstanding in covering the pitfalls and potential conflicts we were bound to face. Whether you are a member of a church or not, my recommendation is that you seek out premarital counseling to discuss and talk about the issues that WILL complicate your marriage.

Ultimately, I have the final say in all decisions in my household. My wife and I generally agree on almost everything, but my wife wants me to lead our family. I do. It works great. If you're a man and you're not leading your family, expect problems.

Like, dislike, whatever. This is truth.

Clearly started by a 15 year old (or someone with equivalent mindset)

“MarriedDivorced guys here: did you and your wife ever talk about who is in charge? Or like, who has the final say in things?”

Fixed it ^^^

^^^ Pretty accurate. Wife runs all day to day ops and makes 95% of the decisions. She may even make some of the other 5% too, but only after consultation w/me. Has worked for 20+ years.

"About 80% of married men are in marriages that are failing"

This is genius 😂😂

perfect way to describe relationships

My wife has always thought that she was in charge, though I earned the money and managed the money and told her how much she could have. The things she demanded to be right about were fine with me because I just didn't care about those things: home furnishings, spending on a housekeeper, vacations together (we also do our own vacations apart), food choices. But she deeply integrated a fiction that she was in charge of all decisions. When important life decisions came along that I cared about and I put my foot down, she couldn't take it. It was just too big of a jolt. She's now my soon-to-be ex-wife.

ga y post, bro

If you are in a relationship and you need to designate someone as being "in charge", your relationship isn't going to last long. The worst thing you can do in a relationship is keep score. As soon as people start saying things like "I always have to tell the kids they can't eat out" or "we never go on vacation where I want to go" or "you always go out with your friends and leave me with the kids on Friday night", they are keeping score and the relationship is focused on individual needs and not working together to make the compromises needed to have a good relationship. Putting one spouse in charge is just a way to try to deal with keeping score by letting one spouse always win. That does not last very long and just builds up resentment.

What, are either of you children?

Marriage is a partnership. You're both grown-ass adults who should know how to work together towards common goals, and discuss individual goals and support each other.

I'd recommend working towards that, and maybe getting a marriage therapist to help you if you haven't had that modeled in either of your lives before. Better to pay a marriage therapist now than to pay divorce lawyers later if possible.

Good luck.

My wife is super conservative. I'm in charge for alot of things whether I like it or not. Finances, home day to day management that is mostly her though. I am the big picture guy

Pretty strange of you to equate one person being in charge with keeping score. Do you and your boss keep score on each other? Your thought processes here seem pretty random and not relevant to the topic of discussion.

Do you think it would be possible for two people to discuss things and do everything else you said while also agreeing the final word belongs to one person or the other? Why do you act like those two are so diametrically opposed when they are not at all in the slightest? Irrational much?

Here is how it goes...............................God,Man,Woman,Kids.

This is the only order that God intended. Anything else is not what God intended.

Yes. We both agreed she was

I think the CEO - CFO paradigm generally fits my situation. The roles just evolved this way. I am good - but to be clear - not to the level of great -;at finances. When we were young it started out just timely paying the bills and as life challenges increased (e.g., expensive schools) I became better. My late twin an econ PhD and a nationally renowned figure in institutional finance helped to a degree, but personal finance is well, personal and handling finances is high a math exercise and walking your own path.

She is close to her family which is nearby and runs things socially. Her parents were holocaust survivors and she clings tightly to family. She is somewhat frugal although we do have nice things, a nice house and absolutely no debt of any kind for the last 20 years. I wonder if the lack of financial stress is the reason we have stayed together. We never argue about finances. She will spend on the kids without consulting me but she knows I would support that activity in any event.

I am surprised we have evolved to this quiet distribution of responsibility., though.