Expert here. Women view men as providers when shiz "gets real" within a relationship. She may not initially analyze this, but could realize later in the relationship that the man is not at a level of provider which she would like. Now he could have it together and be a good provider, but ultimately it's the woman's subjective call that decides the jury verdict. Of course, if the woman decides she wants to abort mission regarding the relationship because the man doesn't make 100k or more per year or something, she will very likely not state this explicitly. She will start giving the man a hard time, start questioning whether the relationship is working, stuff like that to begin the process of breaking up. She knows if ahead states explicitly why, she'll be shunned as a gold digger or some subset of that dubious distinction. That's why she'll come up with an alternative for abortion.
While this is meant to be hypothetical, it's pretty much my reality. Without going into details, I am mid 30s and feel like my gf is near perfect, a true life partner, someone I could easily see myself being with for the long haul, something that is very rare for me. However, she is unable to have children, and while I support those who want to adopt, I just don't. I would very much like to be a father though, so this is what complicates things. I see my options as either leaving her and trying to find someone else, having a surrogate (I seriously doubt she would be okay with this), or staying with her and accepting I'll never be a dad. None of those sound very appealing, honestly.
What would you do in such a situation?
No such thing as a near perfect woman, hypothetical or not. You are irrelevant.
That's between the two of you and WAY out of the scope of anything on LRC. All the same, my heart goes out to you guys. I knew a long time ago I didn't want kids and had a vasectomy when I was 27. I knew that could likely be a deal breaker for anyone I dated later on if they wanted to have kids, but that was a conversation we'd have together if the relationship was getting to that point. I always said that if I changed my mind I'd try to pursue the adoption route if it was a possibility...way too many kids out there that already need a family and if I had it in my capacity to be that for them, I would. 16+ years later I still don't have any desire to be a parent. I don't know what you guys have talked about, but if you see her as a potentially true life partner I'd encourage talking to her like one. See how she feels about the situation of not being able to have kids. See if surrogacy is something she'd consider at some point if you guys were to get married.
She's in this too, not just you. You might be more on the same page than your worries are letting you imagine.
While this is meant to be hypothetical, it's pretty much my reality. Without going into details, I am mid 30s and feel like my gf is near perfect, a true life partner, someone I could easily see myself being with for the long haul, something that is very rare for me. However, she is unable to have children, and while I support those who want to adopt, I just don't. I would very much like to be a father though, so this is what complicates things. I see my options as either leaving her and trying to find someone else, having a surrogate (I seriously doubt she would be okay with this), or staying with her and accepting I'll never be a dad. None of those sound very appealing, honestly.
What would you do in such a situation?
For me personally, If you really love someone then you wont walk away for your own selfish desires. I feel sorry for your lady that must be hard for her.
Look man the decision is all yours, whatever you decide just make sure you leave it all on table and have no regrets. Best of luck
While this is meant to be hypothetical, it's pretty much my reality. Without going into details, I am mid 30s and feel like my gf is near perfect, a true life partner, someone I could easily see myself being with for the long haul, something that is very rare for me. However, she is unable to have children, and while I support those who want to adopt, I just don't. I would very much like to be a father though, so this is what complicates things. I see my options as either leaving her and trying to find someone else, having a surrogate (I seriously doubt she would be okay with this), or staying with her and accepting I'll never be a dad. None of those sound very appealing, honestly.
You could do what women do and find a replacement woman while you’re still in the relationship with her. That way if you can’t find a suitable replacement, you still got her.
You said you'd like to be a father; you didn't say you *must* to be a father. So maybe there is some wiggle-room in that statement? You mentioned maybe adoption is not for you, but perhaps fostering is. Or perhaps you can get your father fix by helping care for a nephew/niece/someone else's child. Or a pet that you both can adore? I think there are more ways to get a parental fix.
I suppose my overall thought is that as presented, if you *must* have a child and she cannot, you've probably already made the decision and haven't told her. That's unfortunate because she sounds like a catch. Me, I'd look for other ways to fill that hole that you think a natural-born child would fill.
You can hit it raw with no concerns. You shouldn’t have so yet because you are not married but I digress. Lock it down if she is “near perfect” as you say. I doubt she is near perfect though because you can bust nuts with no consequence and are asking the degenerate population of letsrun for advice. I bet you havent even ran a sub 15 5K, let alone sub 14 (which is the bare minimum to justify wifing up a hot woman).
Live happily ever after, or force a fake smile to a woman you despise and her neurosurgeon lover as you pick up the kids for one of your two weekends a month. You decide.
Do you want the joy of raising another human and providing a good life for them? Or do you only want to raise kids with your genetics as an ego boost and that anything they do is because if you? Them being smart is because of me, their athletic genes are from ME.
If you actually wanted to be a dad you’d be thrilled to adopt
Do you want the joy of raising another human and providing a good life for them? Or do you only want to raise kids with your genetics as an ego boost and that anything they do is because if you? Them being smart is because of me, their athletic genes are from ME.
If you actually wanted to be a dad you’d be thrilled to adopt
nah.
there is no replacement for having your own kids. there is a primal bond there that simply does not exist in any other realm of the human experience.
and it’s that bond that will lead you to becoming the best father you can be.
op: there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to adopt, and yes, you should probably break it off.
While this is meant to be hypothetical, it's pretty much my reality. Without going into details, I am mid 30s and feel like my gf is near perfect, a true life partner, someone I could easily see myself being with for the long haul, something that is very rare for me. However, she is unable to have children, and while I support those who want to adopt, I just don't. I would very much like to be a father though, so this is what complicates things. I see my options as either leaving her and trying to find someone else, having a surrogate (I seriously doubt she would be okay with this), or staying with her and accepting I'll never be a dad. None of those sound very appealing, honestly.
What would you do in such a situation?
Work on fixing youself. Your reason for wanting kids seems selfish and/or controlling.
Why do you doubt she’d be on with a surrogate? Unless you imagine just getting another woman pregnant…
And why not adopting? Unless again this is like some ‘manosphere’ thing where it’s about spreading your seed.
Seems like you just want to get a girl pregnant and have her take care of your kid. Nothing about actually raising a kid…
Wanting to have your own biological children is about as normal as normal gets. You seem to be extremely off base to me. Also, if you haven't adopted yourself or seriously plan to, you're a giant hypocrite and should probably shut up.
Work on fixing youself. Your reason for wanting kids seems selfish and/or controlling.
Why do you doubt she’d be on with a surrogate? Unless you imagine just getting another woman pregnant…
And why not adopting? Unless again this is like some ‘manosphere’ thing where it’s about spreading your seed.
Seems like you just want to get a girl pregnant and have her take care of your kid. Nothing about actually raising a kid…
Wanting to have your own biological children is about as normal as normal gets. You seem to be extremely off base to me. Also, if you haven't adopted yourself or seriously plan to, you're a giant hypocrite and should probably shut up.
I don’t think you understand what hypocrisy means.