I suggest you read the stats for infidelity in spouses that travel a lot. It is staggering unfortunately. Part of being on the road is looking for action on the side.
As they say in the Saxony region of Germany: wenn man fremd gehen, kommt man niemals zurück
In the Bohemia region they say: wenn man fremd kumen en ut voman, zück sum kreme pie, ja ja.
Not my spouse, but my gf who I am serious about is on a week long trip for a work-related conference, and even though I feel quite secure about our relationship and her, I would be lying if I said the whole thing hasn't been affecting me. She is a good woman, but the idea of her being in a city far away without me, staying in a hotel, being around lots of other people she has things in common with who are also there staying in hotels, is just not a good thought for me and something I really do not like. I realize this is probably mostly a me problem...
For those of you with spouses who travel a fair bit for work, how do you deal with this and keep your sanity? I am trying to stay busy, but it's only so effective...
Doesn't this setup give you just as much opportunity to cheat as it gives her?
Not my spouse, but my gf who I am serious about is on a week long trip for a work-related conference, and even though I feel quite secure about our relationship and her, I would be lying if I said the whole thing hasn't been affecting me. She is a good woman, but the idea of her being in a city far away without me, staying in a hotel, being around lots of other people she has things in common with who are also there staying in hotels, is just not a good thought for me and something I really do not like. I realize this is probably mostly a me problem...
For those of you with spouses who travel a fair bit for work, how do you deal with this and keep your sanity? I am trying to stay busy, but it's only so effective...
Doesn't this setup give you just as much opportunity to cheat as it gives her?
no. unfamiliar faces. not even close in most cases.
I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but an incredible amount of hookups happen at conferences. One of my first jobs out of college had me working a booth on a conference circuit that had me in a new city for perhaps 30 weeks out of the year. We'd work the booth during the day, follow up with contacts over drinks/dinner, then out to the clubs at night. It was absolute child's play to hook up with female conference attendees almost every night. Lots of bored women who respond well to a few simple advances over drinks. Some would even use the apps to find a guy who was at the same conference. I did this for some years before being promoted to a position that greatly reduced my time away from home. SIgh.
I'm going to renege what I said before: the most ethical way, IMO, to find out of your g.f./b.f./spouse is cheating is to hire a P.I. (private investigator). But they're expensive! $100+ per hour. Usually retired police officers.
If she is going to cheat she is going to cheat. She doesn’t need to travel for it to occur. Maybe she thinks you are going to have someone keep you warm at night.
Sounds like you need to have some adult conversations.
I traveled for work and missed my spouse while gone. Other women never crossed my mind.
Doesn't this setup give you just as much opportunity to cheat as it gives her?
no. unfamiliar faces. not even close in most cases.
If the spouse is away frequently, that gives lots of opportunity for the staying spouse to set up one or more booty call situations. This is actually easier for the person who is on their home turf.
And your home city is also mostly "unfamiliar faces." I've lived in my neighborhood for 5 years, and the vast, vast majority of the 20,000 residents of Rittenhouse/Fitler Square are strangers to me.
no. unfamiliar faces. not even close in most cases.
If the spouse is away frequently, that gives lots of opportunity for the staying spouse to set up one or more booty call situations. This is actually easier for the person who is on their home turf.
And your home city is also mostly "unfamiliar faces." I've lived in my neighborhood for 5 years, and the vast, vast majority of the 20,000 residents of Rittenhouse/Fitler Square are strangers to me.
when you travel it's almost guaranteed "no strings attached." it's a completely different dynamic.
Not my spouse, but my gf who I am serious about is on a week long trip for a work-related conference, and even though I feel quite secure about our relationship and her, I would be lying if I said the whole thing hasn't been affecting me. She is a good woman, but the idea of her being in a city far away without me, staying in a hotel, being around lots of other people she has things in common with who are also there staying in hotels, is just not a good thought for me and something I really do not like. I realize this is probably mostly a me problem...
For those of you with spouses who travel a fair bit for work, how do you deal with this and keep your sanity? I am trying to stay busy, but it's only so effective...
Whether she cheats or not, your marriage is doomed.
Blunt honesty: no trust, no chance that your relationship lasts. I would even question if you love her? You like the companionship and the social clout, but you cannot live without having trust.
You're allowed to date women who just want to stay home and have lots of kids. Society brainwashes us into thinking that we should seek out a "strong woman" who has a fancy degree and a high-paying job. If we don't, we are "misogynists".
Your concerns are extremely valid. Divorce rates are sky high. Birth rates are low. People cheat constantly.
Maybe you would be happiest with a woman who is more feminine with old school values. eHarmony, church, a foreign gal, etc.
Maybe it's time to review your beliefs about relationships? You have agency in these matters. You could also compare notes with your girlfriend, see if you are on the same page. Communication and trust are helpful. Good luck.
