We really do need the story to give proper feedback.
Having said that, decent chance there is some BPD waiting to jump out at you.
I'll give a short version of it.
Basically, she texted me that she had gone to the grocery store that day, and while there, there was this big commotion where someone started yelling slurs and racial remarks towards a brown person and to get them out of our country, etc. I can't remember her exact wording, but the way she described it, it was very, very clear she was making it all up. Besides that, I have lived here for 11 years and have not once seen anything like that happen at all, ever, anywhere. It's a fairly blue community. I work at a university and have also known many internationals from all over the world here, and none of them have said they ever experienced that either.
I basically just ignored the text, and then when we hung out, she said I must be a right-wing anti-immigrant person since I didn't express outrage over the incident. The further proof she was fabricating it all is that she was much more focused on my reaction than the event itself. I don't want to make this political, but she is someone who will side with her political party of choice, unquestioningly, on every conceivable issue, and that along with some other things she said to me, it was clear she was trying to "test me" and see where I stood politically (I'm a moderate).
Anyway, like I say, to me, it seemed liked full blown looney behavior, abhorrent behavior for a second date, and I nearly stopped talking to her then and there, but I decided to give her another chance, with caution. She's been mostly good since, but I can't really help but feel like there's a screw loose in there. I have thought at times of how to quietly back away as a result but just haven't done so yet.
“further proof she was fabricating it all”
You have presented no evidence whatsoever that she was fabricating anything.
In fact, you come across as writing her off because of your own ingrained biases. (Ironically just what you accuse her of.)
We really do need the story to give proper feedback.
Having said that, decent chance there is some BPD waiting to jump out at you.
I'll give a short version of it.
Basically, she texted me that she had gone to the grocery store that day, and while there, there was this big commotion where someone started yelling slurs and racial remarks towards a brown person and to get them out of our country, etc. I can't remember her exact wording, but the way she described it, it was very, very clear she was making it all up. Besides that, I have lived here for 11 years and have not once seen anything like that happen at all, ever, anywhere. It's a fairly blue community. I work at a university and have also known many internationals from all over the world here, and none of them have said they ever experienced that either.
I basically just ignored the text, and then when we hung out, she said I must be a right-wing anti-immigrant person since I didn't express outrage over the incident. The further proof she was fabricating it all is that she was much more focused on my reaction than the event itself. I don't want to make this political, but she is someone who will side with her political party of choice, unquestioningly, on every conceivable issue, and that along with some other things she said to me, it was clear she was trying to "test me" and see where I stood politically (I'm a moderate).
Anyway, like I say, to me, it seemed liked full blown looney behavior, abhorrent behavior for a second date, and I nearly stopped talking to her then and there, but I decided to give her another chance, with caution. She's been mostly good since, but I can't really help but feel like there's a screw loose in there. I have thought at times of how to quietly back away as a result but just haven't done so yet.
What kind of make believe incel fantasy garbage did I just read? jfc this place..
Anyway, ever since then I have written her off as a potential long term partner. If I'm to be honest, the only reason I continued seeing her is because 1) the first date went so well, and 2) she is very hot and sexy, and that part of seeing her has been great.
So this part coincides with the typical patterns of codependents dating narcissistic personality types. I am not calling you out, I want you to catch yourself.
Youre already longing for the "honeymoon period" or, in this case, the first date. And youve already endured a series of tests via the fictional story she made up and tries to defend.
It's like having an addiction and being talked out of your morals because of that addiction.
Get out now. It will only worsen. She likely has fan clubbers idling in the outer rungs of your relationship that are "just friends" and you are blind to at the moment.
To women this is a kind of pre-marital test - they need to find out how the guy they're dating react in a fight situation - their life can actually depend on it if they have to wait until after marriage and it turns out the man like to use his fists.
Dating a girl for 7 months after writing her off for what you “think” is a made-up story makes you not husband material. Either break up, or tell her you’ve been hesitant to get serious because of this story but you actually do like her otherwise. This will either go poorly and you break up, or you may find you both talk through an awkward conversation, end up feeling better about each other afterwards, and realize “whoa this actually a person I could spend my life with”.
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We have enough Youth, What we need is a Fountain of Smart.
Basically, she texted me that she had gone to the grocery store that day, and while there, there was this big commotion where someone started yelling slurs and racial remarks towards a brown person and to get them out of our country, etc. I can't remember her exact wording, but the way she described it, it was very, very clear she was making it all up. Besides that, I have lived here for 11 years and have not once seen anything like that happen at all, ever, anywhere. It's a fairly blue community. I work at a university and have also known many internationals from all over the world here, and none of them have said they ever experienced that either.
I basically just ignored the text, and then when we hung out, she said I must be a right-wing anti-immigrant person since I didn't express outrage over the incident. The further proof she was fabricating it all is that she was much more focused on my reaction than the event itself. I don't want to make this political, but she is someone who will side with her political party of choice, unquestioningly, on every conceivable issue, and that along with some other things she said to me, it was clear she was trying to "test me" and see where I stood politically (I'm a moderate).
Anyway, like I say, to me, it seemed liked full blown looney behavior, abhorrent behavior for a second date, and I nearly stopped talking to her then and there, but I decided to give her another chance, with caution. She's been mostly good since, but I can't really help but feel like there's a screw loose in there. I have thought at times of how to quietly back away as a result but just haven't done so yet.
“further proof she was fabricating it all”
You have presented no evidence whatsoever that she was fabricating anything.
In fact, you come across as writing her off because of your own ingrained biases. (Ironically just what you accuse her of.)
Maybe you have the “screw loose.”
I'm the one who lives here, knows this person, knows this community, read the text, had the conversations, not you, yet you think you're right and I'm wrong. And you think I'm the one who is biased?
The lack of self-awareness of people on this board is staggering.
You sound like my mate reek. Get out while you can. Clearly this girl is affecting your training. 2 years single now myself and have deep varicose in my legs, drop the girl bruh.
My husband accuses me of 'lying' and 'doing nothing'. I know how you feel. It makes me feel nervous and upset and I lose sleep over it.
This week, while I was working, I had my day interrupted by him phoning me Ito tell me I wasn't working (he and his family have form for thinking running a business isn't "work" and is somehow shirking). Tonight, in the middle of a conversation, he came out randomly with "why do you lie". Its happening about twice a week now. I don't know what's going on, but he seems to be to have some kind of mh issue that stops him thinking before he speaks.
It's nicely, my husband doesn't work (he retired very young. It would cost me a lot of money to divorce him and I quite enjoy our life together most of the time, but sometimes I think I didn't make a great job of choosing a life partner.
If your girlfriend ever does something like this again, end it. Watch her mother. My husband's father does exactly the same behaviour.
You think racism doesn't happen? Or that nothing out of the ordinary ever happens in a place you know well? That no one from outside the area will ever come in to your shops and act differently to the people you're used to? There was nothing unbelievable in her story. You over-reacted.
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