Stuff you already know and what your grandparents probably told you. If you can survive the physical drives, that nature provides, hopefully you can be lucky to find a companion who you really like to be with…. Which is 10 times better than the physical stuff…. Just like your parents and grandparents told you.
I met my husband through LetsRun, but I'm the only woman here so you missed the boat on that one. My sister is single though... She got divorced in 2020 and I get to see all the stuff she deals with in the (mostly online) dating world. Yikes.
I met my husband through LetsRun, but I'm the only woman here so you missed the boat on that one. My sister is single though... She got divorced in 2020 and I get to see all the stuff she deals with in the (mostly online) dating world. Yikes.
I still can't believe this. Were there far fewer incels then?
5. Any woman that you see on a daily / regular basis
When things go bad, you do not want to be in the awkward situation where you cannot avoid seeing someone.
I met my wife in our apartment building we were living in at the time.
But don't ask out someone at the gym until you've developed a 'gym relationship' with them. Really don't ask out anyone you don't know. You need to get to know them first and then ask them out. No one wants to date a random stranger when their only interaction they've ever had together was you asking them out. That comes off as creepy 99% of the time.
5. Any woman that you see on a daily / regular basis
When things go bad, you do not want to be in the awkward situation where you cannot avoid seeing someone.
I met my wife in our apartment building we were living in at the time.
But don't ask out someone at the gym until you've developed a 'gym relationship' with them. Really don't ask out anyone you don't know. You need to get to know them first and then ask them out. No one wants to date a random stranger when their only interaction they've ever had together was you asking them out. That comes off as creepy 99% of the time.
as an old married guy this one is fascinating.
that both women and men seem to have agreed not to have spontaneous 'saw her across the room' moments anymore. No more 'falling in love at first sight.'
when that used to be the goal, really. Maybe unrealistic, but a goal.
literally, we've decided Romeo and Juliet style meetings are 'creepy' and must be avoided.
I met my husband through LetsRun, but I'm the only woman here so you missed the boat on that one. My sister is single though... She got divorced in 2020 and I get to see all the stuff she deals with in the (mostly online) dating world. Yikes.
I still can't believe this. Were there far fewer incels then?
Oh there were plenty. I was able to screen for that before actually meeting in "real life" though. We actually just started as Facebook friends and I was able to see that we had many mutual friends already. We were actually in different states at the time and had no romantic interest in each other at first. I guess that's in line with my general advice on dating. Meet through a common interest and/or friends and be open to just meeting new people without necessarily expecting something romantic/sexual from them. I also feel like too many people are stuck on their "checklist" before even meeting someone. Instead of focusing on what you can GET from a partner, work on what you can GIVE.
If you have a college degree, are reasonably fit, don't have ridiculous standards and half a personality you will be fine. Unmarried women in this demographic way outnumber men.
Use a dating app; one that charges, guides you in profile development and produces results. Do some research.
I met my wife in our apartment building we were living in at the time.
But don't ask out someone at the gym until you've developed a 'gym relationship' with them. Really don't ask out anyone you don't know. You need to get to know them first and then ask them out. No one wants to date a random stranger when their only interaction they've ever had together was you asking them out. That comes off as creepy 99% of the time.
as an old married guy this one is fascinating.
that both women and men seem to have agreed not to have spontaneous 'saw her across the room' moments anymore. No more 'falling in love at first sight.'
when that used to be the goal, really. Maybe unrealistic, but a goal.
literally, we've decided Romeo and Juliet style meetings are 'creepy' and must be avoided.
Wild stuff. can't be good.
Romeo and Juliet were from two of the most prominent families in town. His cousin killed her cousin. Known entity even if he did fall in love with the sight of her.
I met my wife in our apartment building we were living in at the time.
But don't ask out someone at the gym until you've developed a 'gym relationship' with them. Really don't ask out anyone you don't know. You need to get to know them first and then ask them out. No one wants to date a random stranger when their only interaction they've ever had together was you asking them out. That comes off as creepy 99% of the time.
as an old married guy this one is fascinating.
that both women and men seem to have agreed not to have spontaneous 'saw her across the room' moments anymore. No more 'falling in love at first sight.'
when that used to be the goal, really. Maybe unrealistic, but a goal.
literally, we've decided Romeo and Juliet style meetings are 'creepy' and must be avoided.
Wild stuff. can't be good.
I think it's because 'love at first sight' is really just lust, sexual desire. It's not a good basis for a relationship. You need to actually like the person for it to work, and asking them out because you wanted to bang them is not a good basis of a relationship. So getting to know them first helps you not waste time getting into a sexual relationship where you just physically like the person. If you want 'love at first site' then you can go to the dating apps where everything is very shallow and all about physical appearance.
2) get attractive (skin, hair, well fitting clothing)
3) get your house in order finance, insurance, home mainence wise.
4) figure out who you are looking for
5) find opportunity for interaction with people who will will know people that meet #4 criteria
6) behave like a guy who people from #5 will introduce to #4 people
7) occasionally you’ll randomly meet someone directly, be sure she meets #4
-from a guy who remarried an amazing woman at 43 after his first wife died at 38.
i mean this seriously: good for you, man! I had a few early widow/widower friends and the climb out of that space is profoundly one of the toughest I've ever witnessed. Sage advice.
I got married super early and stayed with my wife for over 15 years before getting a divorce because of a long overdue expression of built up resentments.
I recently turned 40, spent a year alone, and now I'm thinking about dating again.
What advice can you offer about setting up a winning date app profile? Or are apps a terrible idea? What is the etiquette for asking for a girl's phone number at the gym?
I've never really dated before so please be kind.
Half PR: 1:16
190cm/80kg
First, beware of scammers. They are on every site. It might be cynical (and I am much older) but when a hot 35 year old reaches out to me, it is 99.9% of the time a scammer. (The age range will vary of course as a 35 year old hitting on you would be far more likely). It is amazing how many "women" need money for gas to come see you or for internet to video chat with you. Clues that you are dealing with a scammer: messages seem to be non-sequitors in relation to the conversation, immediate request to go to WhatsApp or Telegraph, etc. Re messages that don't seem to flow. First if "she" responds fast with a lengthy test, it is likely a bot or someone cutting and pasting. I have been known to put in something outlandish like "I am really into the dom/sub lifestyle and am looking for a sub. Is that something you are into?" A bot or scammer will reply with something that makes no sense. (I only do this if I am pretty sure it is a bot.)
Most first dates are not going to lead to a second date.
Some people can be really good at texting and then a big let down in person. Some people like to meet quickly while others want more text time before meeting in person.
Remember for a woman meeting a guy carries risks (even if at a public place) that we don't think about.
Do not follow the advice of people on the internet (heck take my advice with a grain of salt). There are tons of "dating coaches" on social media. Some offer tidbits that might be fine for some but not for all. Some (and it is men) seem to be trying to sell you on a way just to get laid. My take is that their "techniques" do not even work that well.
Don't ghost a woman. If you meet and have no interest. Send a text that says "Thanks for taking the time, but I was not feeling the sort of connection I am looking for." It is simple, does not place blame. Most people we meet we do not connect with. Our expectations in dating sometimes are overblown. (And yes dating was easier when we were all in our early 20s.)
Smart that you waited a year. Keep that in mind in the dating apps when meeting people. I have a strong guideline about meeting someone who has been divorced less than a year. For a lot of folks there is an adjustment period to being single and if you have kids that you are sharing custody with getting that routine down.
PS; get comfortable meeting people in real life. Still a lot of that. Go to activities you like because, guess what, there will be people there who also enjoy that activity and you have something in common.
Be willing to talk to a stranger who looks interesting. You will get really good and identifying wedding rings on fingers from across a room.
This post was edited 1 minute after it was posted.
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I got married at 21, divorced at 28. And it’s been 7 years and I haven’t had a single date. I have travelled to dozens of countries and dozens of concerts and music festivals. And seen some of the world’s most beautiful places. I honestly can’t imagine why anyone would want to date after 30. Even less so at 40 or older. It’s time to make money and travel. We live in a massive planet and there’s so many beautiful places. Too many for one lifetime. Spend your remaining years visiting as many as you can. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking you need someone to be happy. You can make yourself happier than any woman can.
The arrogance of thinking that what works for you will work for all.
Interesting....how are you defining "useless"? I have been divorced a while and had a couple of "serious-ish" relationships since. Most every date has come from an app. I am not great at approaching women in person to begin with so it is an easy way.
Yes, I have gone on more dates than I can count and most do not lead to 2nd dates. I still prefer that and the potential to the alternative.
I got married at 21, divorced at 28. And it’s been 7 years and I haven’t had a single date. I have travelled to dozens of countries and dozens of concerts and music festivals. And seen some of the world’s most beautiful places. I honestly can’t imagine why anyone would want to date after 30. Even less so at 40 or older. It’s time to make money and travel. We live in a massive planet and there’s so many beautiful places. Too many for one lifetime. Spend your remaining years visiting as many as you can. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking you need someone to be happy. You can make yourself happier than any woman can.
I took an international vacation by myself for the first time last year. While it was enjoyable, the whole time I was there I wished I could share the experience with someone special.
Mixed bag for me. I went to London for a week and the year before went on a tour of southern Utah. The flexibility was great on both occasions, but there were times I wanted a person there to share a funny moment with or to later recall funny moments.
that both women and men seem to have agreed not to have spontaneous 'saw her across the room' moments anymore. No more 'falling in love at first sight.'
when that used to be the goal, really. Maybe unrealistic, but a goal.
literally, we've decided Romeo and Juliet style meetings are 'creepy' and must be avoided.
Wild stuff. can't be good.
I think it's because 'love at first sight' is really just lust, sexual desire. It's not a good basis for a relationship. You need to actually like the person for it to work, and asking them out because you wanted to bang them is not a good basis of a relationship. So getting to know them first helps you not waste time getting into a sexual relationship where you just physically like the person. If you want 'love at first site' then you can go to the dating apps where everything is very shallow and all about physical appearance.
alls I know is that meeting people on the fly used to be a major way to find spouses. That's how I met mine. How do you think people met in the 80s and before?
Cutting out that major path to finding a spouse is weird and eliminating a key path to finding people.
5. Any woman that you see on a daily / regular basis
When things go bad, you do not want to be in the awkward situation where you cannot avoid seeing someone.
I met my wife in our apartment building we were living in at the time.
But don't ask out someone at the gym until you've developed a 'gym relationship' with them. Really don't ask out anyone you don't know. You need to get to know them first and then ask them out. No one wants to date a random stranger when their only interaction they've ever had together was you asking them out. That comes off as creepy 99% of the time.
I would disagree here a little. Plenty of people will agree to go for a coffee or drink even after a short interaction. I can see chatting someone up at the gym (although a lot of people hate that) to see if there might be any interest, but I don't think it takes 3 or 4 of those to get a date with someone. Isn't going on a date with someone a way to get to know them? Isn't that the purpose of the date?
You got height at 6'2," but 176 is way too light. Put some size on & get bigger (I'm only 5'6" but pack on 175 lbs).
And if you have $$$, a nice pad, nice ride, etc, that'll help a lot. More & more women these days are gold diggers - so guys that are loaded have an edge (most women won't admit that - they'll say it's personality & all that BS. Lol. But with social media & dating apps dominating the dating landscape these days, looks & $$$ are high on their list).
Bottom line: Muscles & dough...and you're in the show with most women. 😉