I think you're conflating divorce with marriage in your assessment. Sure, marriage needs to come before divorce, but they're not the same thing. There's plenty of peer-reviewed evidence to suggest that married men are healthier physically and mentally than single men and that men's leisure time increases upon getting married. Sure, the health thing could be correlative and not causative, but generally married men are doing better than their unmarried peers. If they choose to have kids, which often occurs within the bounds of a marriage, then the man's career receives a boost (google the "fatherhood bonus").
The key is to choose a spouse that you can be happy with for the long haul, not necessarily to avoid marriage at all.
is it a "bonus" or is it men taking on more hours because they are a responsible for a child? those articles are always really light on details.
Soft White Underbelly interview and portrait of James Sexton, a divorce attorney in New York City. His books, How To Stay In Love:Practical Advice From An Un...
36-40 is the perfect age to consider marriage after knowing the woman for 3-6 years. Men have to learn to wait and make logical decisions even about matters of the heart. You stay together because of the similarities and break up due to the differences. You have to be on the same page and as a man you have to know what you want. Young men are idiots and should find themselves before dragging someone else through the crazy years. I marred late and have been in love with my wife for 25 years. She is the best thing that ever happened to me. I am an introvert and a workaholic and I met my wife in my mid 30s, I slowly realized she was the one for me, then I had to show her we made a great team.
It is a bit of an interesting question in that from what I have seen the relationship between men and women is very different when it is initiated when people are younger (20s to early 30s) than when people are older (late 30s to 40s). The younger couples have much more of an adventure together, sharing a lot of "firsts" with each other. Older couples tend to have more transactional relationships where they are trying to finish off raising children and set themselves up for retirement.
I could get married to any of several women ASAP but I just prefer not to. I can be in relations with a woman and not do marriage.
It is a wise choice by a man with assets/money to not get married. He can be get in a relationship without doing marriage. Marriage is essentially allowing the government into your relationship in a 3-way fest. It is more convenient for them to track and control people via marriage.
Keep in mind, women glorify marriage because they're security seeking beings and it benefits them. This is why this thread even exists--because shallow or insecure people like to shame or be indoctrinated to shame what is inconvenient for themselves.
But does marriage benefit men? Generally, not. Now given the disgustingly high divorce rate, it's more profitable for a man to put half his assets on red or black at roulette and potentially double up than risk gaining nothing BUT potentially losing that whole half via marriage. That is a fact and a frightening one. Now this particular argument requires logic and not emotionally charged rhetoric, that most women or family oriented men would put forth in a biased manner.
Nice, cope. The purpose of life for a man is to find a partner to give birth to and raise his kids with. That won’t happen for most men unless they get married. An unmarried man after a certain age is seen as a social parish and a failure
Uhh Bill Gates is single. I don't see anyone calling him a failure.
Men by the constraints of needing some measure of success to be attractive, by and large, should be 28- 32 when they get married. This is barring relationships that begin and persist following college which might be younger. All relationships should be started when a girl is under 25. The emotional trauma of modern dating scene makes every year a possible time bomb after that.
After what age does it start becoming concerning that a man is still single?
At the age when the meet someone who they want to spend the rest of the life with (and the feeling is reciprocated) and they choose to formalise it in marriage.
If none of these requirements are satisfied then, so what? They shouldn't be concerned and neither should anyone else.
Why do people buy into the artificial construct that is called "marriage"?
It is a legal term which makes your personal relationship the government's business. Why in the world would anyone willingly make their own private relationship officially the business of the state? Seems bizarre to me.
May I ask how old you are?
I think I very much have seen it this way as well but as I age I find I am more susceptible to the social pressures and also a seeming internal desire to have a family of my own through which legal contract provides the benefits and the felt sense of "officialness" that can be had. It seems beneficial that marriage would be needed prior to having kids as well for practical reasons.
FWIW, I am gay and not altogether immune from the internal pressures of feeling like I am behind in my mid 30s not being married or having a real family yet.
Why do people buy into the artificial construct that is called "marriage"?
It is a legal term which makes your personal relationship the government's business. Why in the world would anyone willingly make their own private relationship officially the business of the state? Seems bizarre to me.
For many people, marriage is not a legal term but a religious one (that they would prefer secular people didn't interpret as pertaining to their respective legal systems)
I think you're conflating divorce with marriage in your assessment. Sure, marriage needs to come before divorce, but they're not the same thing. There's plenty of peer-reviewed evidence to suggest that married men are healthier physically and mentally than single men and that men's leisure time increases upon getting married. Sure, the health thing could be correlative and not causative, but generally married men are doing better than their unmarried peers. If they choose to have kids, which often occurs within the bounds of a marriage, then the man's career receives a boost (google the "fatherhood bonus").
The key is to choose a spouse that you can be happy with for the long haul, not necessarily to avoid marriage at all.
Honest question for you (I don't know the answer to this). Have those studies that show greater happiness and longevity in married men compared married men to men in long term, committed relationships? Or to just non-married men? Because those are two very different comparisons.
I believe that there is much to be gained in long term, loving relationships. I just don't find the institution of marriage, with the state becoming involved in one's personal relationship, to be very appealing.
Why do people buy into the artificial construct that is called "marriage"?
It is a legal term which makes your personal relationship the government's business. Why in the world would anyone willingly make their own private relationship officially the business of the state? Seems bizarre to me.
For many people, marriage is not a legal term but a religious one (that they would prefer secular people didn't interpret as pertaining to their respective legal systems)
I understand that.
And in that case, my question remains essentially unchanged. Why in the world would anyone willingly make their own private relationship officially the business of a church? Seems bizarre to me.
Why do people buy into the artificial construct that is called "marriage"?
It is a legal term which makes your personal relationship the government's business. Why in the world would anyone willingly make their own private relationship officially the business of the state? Seems bizarre to me.
May I ask how old you are?
I think I very much have seen it this way as well but as I age I find I am more susceptible to the social pressures and also a seeming internal desire to have a family of my own through which legal contract provides the benefits and the felt sense of "officialness" that can be had. It seems beneficial that marriage would be needed prior to having kids as well for practical reasons.
FWIW, I am gay and not altogether immune from the internal pressures of feeling like I am behind in my mid 30s not being married or having a real family yet.
I am 62 years old.
I was married once upon a time. My wife passed away when we were both pretty young (mid-late 30's).
At the time of my marriage, I had not thought through some of this. It was just the thing to do. And I had no regrets even though, looking back, I do think it is bizarre to have the government (or church) have anything to do with my personal relationship.
I am now in a long term committed relationship with another (significantly younger) woman. I am not interested in marriage again.
I raised three kids on my own from my marriage. I am now raising two more with my present partner. (since someone was bound to ask)
When it comes to marriage, age should be considered less than maturity level. In general, the teenagers a century ago were at about the same level of maturity as 20-somethings in the 80s as 30-somethings a few years ago...
Soon, marriage won't be a thing for most people. The trends are pretty clear on this.
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