The struggles of dating as a 30 y/o Frugal man

If youre dating on apps, you can only get matches based on looks or lifestyle. You cant get to a conversation if you dont get matches + there are 4 guys for every girl on apps so you HAVE to stand out. Women only swipe right on about 14% of profiles so if you're in that 14% apps are literally the best thing in the world, if not you will have almost 0 success.

Second, a problem is that you're at an age where a lot of women are looking to settle down and money (and your perceived ability to not hoard it) is more prevalent than it was before.

Lastly, frugality (for most women) will be seen as boring. They want to do stuff: Concerts, parties, travel, going out to eat, etc. If you cant show your girl a good time why would she be with you?

I had a friend give me the best dating advice ever once: Think about a girl your dating, when she goes to her friend to tell her about you, what is the first thing she says: "he is so hot, he is so fun, he is so funny" - if you don't have something like this that society generally agrees on, youre screwed and need to figure one of them out.

Most people show off in a fake way and live above their means. That's what happens since the institution designed their slave system that subjects about 50% of people to be constantly living paycheck to paycheck. Lines of credit are able to run amuck with these clowns pretending they own stuff. But I'd also state that you don't want to be underestimated by too many people. You don't want to be a rich guy with a bunch of idiots thinking you're broke because you don't flaunt the dough or own certain things. Being subjected to calumniation can cause mental illness, so while you should try to be authentic, don't sell yourself too short. Life is too short to spend it (pun intended) not enjoying it because you're saving money you'll take to the grave.

I am an old (40+) married woman, so take my comment with a grain of salt.

I would find it a bit of a turnoff if a guy is driving a 2006 vehicle. If the car is in excellent condition and well-maintained, it's fine, but I definitely wouldn't have wanted to date someone driving a beater. I pretty much expect my date to be driving a paid-off 2016 Toyota, because by 30, you should be financially secure enough to drive a nice (not fancy) car without being frugal.

If the guy in question just finished grad school or med school or something and just is driving an old car because he's still getting on his feet financially, that's NBD. If he's a starving artist, I'm not interested.

I would find it even more unattractive if a guy was paying a monthly car payment on a car he couldn't afford. I have no patience for anyone who is spendthrift.

Outstanding. That should've been a page 3 revelation if this troll thread ever caught on, but I like it nevertheless!

Look, if you're just using apps, this is all about how you market yourself.

Surely you aren't posting a picture of a tall thin guy in worn out clothing driving a 2006 car, are you?

You said you travel 2x a year. Find some pictures from those trips where you look like a fun guy, bonus points if it's someplace that chicks will recognize like Paris. Post that instead of a picture of you and your old car.

Buy a new Toyota. No loan, just pay for it.

Problem solved.

From a mid-30s woman, having a 2006 car is a turn-on as long as it's in good enough condition that we can trust it on road trips. It would signal to me that the guy isn't super consumerist, would rather repair than replace, and doesn't care about looking flashy.

More generally, project your honest view of things if you want to attract someone compatible. What matters to each person differs greatly. If you're a minimalist on possessions like cars so you can spend more on travel, say that. There are plenty of women out there who would align with those priorities.

Also... use your profile pics to show what life would really be like after the burn-in period. You cooking chili at the stove? Sunset view from the truck bed at the lake? Hanging on the couch with your dog and a bunch of blankets? YES. Many of the best parts of real life cost little or nothing.

Start attending sunday worship at a conservative church. Not one of those new age, liberal, city churches, but one in a suburb or in the country. Your best best is like a baptist, Assembly of God, Mennonite, etc. One that's not all old people and has a decent amount of people your age.

Just show up every week. If they ask you to help out with something small, go ahead and do it. Basically just be a nice dude. Within 6mo-1yr you will have your choice over any of the single women under 25 there. You will probably need to commit to going to church if you date any of them, but it is a safe bet. Girls in a conservative church setting like that find a financially stable, responsible man incredibly attractive.

I mean over 25***

Are you actually making good money for your area? Are you comparing yourself to the average income of the area? If so, you’re probably not making much. Nothing wrong with not making much, but some women may not see you as a secure mate.

Also, 2006 Toyota is old. Only acceptable 2006 Toyota would be Land Cruiser, 4Runner, or Tacoma. Then, at least they look rugged and cool so you’ll attract girls who are into that like girls who would like to ride old Jeeps. But since you’re frugal, it’s probably like a Camry, Corolla, or Matrix. Is it’s 2006, they’d be starting to fall apart and smell like cat pizz which is fine with old school truck or SUV, but not with sedans.

And men aren’t attracted to bossy runner girls who act tough for having a corporate job. Another masculine “woman” chiming in, great. Go get your hair done and stop wearing running clothes everywhere. Fatty. Hahaha.

The problem isn't that you are frugal, it's that you are either self conscious about being frugal or you have made frugality your entire identity or some mixture of the two.

You really shouldn't care that you drive an old Toyota, your date isn't going to see it when you meet up for dinner or whatever. Honestly if you hit it off, the girl isn't going to care if you took the damn bus there

If frugality is your whole identity then you are going to come off as boring. No girl wants to talk about how much money you save never leaving your house. You'll also come off as controlling and a spend shamer. I'd focus on your travels and interests and possibly what you can cook.

In the UK, we have a name for certain men. "Cocklodger". Definition: a man who doesn't pay his own way but finds a home owned by a woman to stay in for free, while he pursues more esoteric ideals than earning enough money to support himself.

A bit like a hobosexual but harder to move on once he gains a foot in the door.

The variety which is especially bitter following a supposedly less advantageous upbringing (read "mummy/daddy didn't give me enough handouts") can be particularly tenacious.

WTH? You're 6'4" & a 195 - and you're struggling with girls? (I bet you even have a 6-pack & some lean muscle mass to go with that great height).

Try being a 5-6 (on a good day), 175 lb (12% BF), gymcel who can't get a date with an attractive woman if my life depended on it. 😬 And women make fun of me - they call me shorty, manlet, leprechaun, etc. In fact, one girl that rejected me told me to go get the new leg-lengthening surgery and then come back & ask her out. 🤣

I also have a friend at the gym who's 6-3 & 215 lbs & built like the legendary bodybuilder Steve Reeves (his nickname at the gym is Hercules). This friend of mine has attractive women approaching all the time. All I get hitting on me are overweight/obese women or ugly women. Lol. I'm on one dating site & I get on a average one "like" per month & it's usually an unattractive or obese girl looking for a LTR.

Height, looks & muscles never has a bad day with women.

so you're no prize but you criticize women's looks?

That’s assuming he’s into women who are runners. I am a runner but I’d rather date a curvy CrossFit women who doesn’t run 80mpw but maybe runs 15mpw with a nice body