How do you all deal with loneliness/emptiness?

I and two other friends of mine realized early that we never wanted kids. At a young age we realized what that meant in terms of loneliness. Sure enough it came to pass. I tried to hedge my bets and found a lady who didn’t want kids just for the sake of companionship. She got something called glioblastoma in the 11th year of marriage and I lost her. What I went through watching her suffering for 4 years and 5 months was worse than loneliness by a long shot. So, now at an older age, I won’t go through that again, stay alone, try to run as I can run today, volunteer at some races, be a season ticket holder for an NHL team and soon try to find an assistant living situation that is compassionate and honest to see this thing out.

You mentioned nothing about your relationship with God. That is probably why you feel so empty. What is the point of anything without God?

Microdose shrooms and go for a walk on a trail. Or easy bike ride.

I was in a similar situation in my late 20s/early 30s. Not quite a 2:20 marathon time, but I was in great shape (benching almost 300lbs + 17:07 5k), making great money, no responsibilities, great job, nice apartment, etc. But I was getting desperate, lonely, and at some point, I had started drinking more.

My friends had mostly moved away or married with kids so I barely saw them. Had absolutely sh*t luck dating. The amount of time I wasted drunk on the web was starting to scare the sh*t out of me.

So basically in desperation I turned to "international dating" after seeing someone post about it on a forum, and met a Chinese woman online. We hit it off so hard that it got to the point where eventually we were video chatting 4-5 hours weekdays and nearly the entire weekends. I flew out to meet her in Hong Kong and 2 months later we were married in the US. Looking back it was totally reckless move and even my parents were wondering what the f*ck was going on.

This January we will be married for 15 years - and I can confidently say that 14.9 of them were wonderful. I weigh 35lbs more, now run a 22:xx 5k, and have little free time because of our 3 kids. We make good money, but a house + cars + kids = expensive. I occasionally feel frustrated, annoyed, or overwhelmed but I have never for one second felt lonely. In fact I've joked with my wife that I wouldn't mind occasionally feeling lonely LOL. If I hadn't gone down this road I'd probably be dead by now.

So I don't have any advice but just thought I'd share my story since I was in your shoes. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith and take a massive risk. Good luck to you.

Dogs and therapy.

Everyone saying therapy what does this mean? The wait lists in my town are long and it costs like 200$/hr to talk to someone. I don’t understand how this will fix my feelings but I’ve never done it so I’m not sure. I’m not religious nor never will be. I used to drink and smoke a lot too escape these feelings but have really cut back the last couple years and only drink/smoke socially now. I’ve considered volunteering for kids and less privileged and will likely do so early next year once it warms up a bit.

That volunteering is an excellent idea. That is meaningful and purposeful.

One thing to consider: no matter how much meaning/ purpose you have and no matter how socially connected you are, you cannot or will not ever be happy if you have unaddressed traumatic experiences from the past that are still haunting you.

Trauma can be invisible. Acute trauma like a car accident is easy to identify. But chronic trauma like abusive patterns in your childhood such as neglect and stigma, the victim tends to blame themselves and can have trouble even identified why they feel the way they do without deep thought.

If you feel you have unaddressed trauma you are willing to confront and work though, therapy is a good way to go.

I'm in your boat though. I don't have $180 an hour to shell out. Maybe start out by not hiding your dark feelings and sharing them with people you trust.

Thank you for bringing that up. The Book of Ecclesiastes is a fantastic reminder of the futility of life dedicated only towards earthly goals. It’s worth quoting the final verses.

“Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind. For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil.”
‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭12‬:‭13‬-‭14‬ ‭NIV‬‬

And worth quoting the depth and breadth of God’s live for us. I would challenge the OP to think in these words.

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭37‬-‭39‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I spend my lonely nights posting endlessly, racist drivel really.

Truth is my girl left me years ago for a black guy and I’ve just never got over it 🎻

I don’t have any dark feelings or trauma though. I’ve had a great childhood, I love my family, and my life is objectively perfect right now. That’s the issue. There’s something wrong with me but there’s no real reason for it. Trying to explain this people just comes off as bad because they follow up with something worse like “oh at least you don’t have dead parents” or “at least you didn’t grow up poor and attention starved” that’s what I don’t understand. There’s no reason for me to feel this way and it’s hard to convey that to others

"Seems like I have mostly an ideal life right?" You say this right after explaining that you don't have two of the most basic things that lead to fulfillment:

1.) a relationship,
2.) rewarding interests and pursuits.

You can be happy with only one out of the two, but I'm not sure I know any content people w/o at least one of those two things.

"Or straight up I drop them because I think they’re unproductive."

You might just be trolling, but what you are describing is a very American type of sickness/obsession/guilt. Your job is supposed to provide the means for you to pursue an enjoyable life. You seem to have it swapped and think the point of life is to be productive. It's not.

You seem to view the very rewards of work, free time and money to pursue your interests and enjoy life, as getting in the way of your job/productivity. That's not how it's supposed to work.

Have you considered what you would do if you were no longer running seriously? There's going to be time when you can no longer improve and it won't provide the same rewards. Better start thinking about what's going to fill that void. Let's say you reach your goal and get an OTQ. Might make sense to take a step back after that. Now's the time to figure out how'd you'd like to spend that extra time that will be freed up.

yeah I dunno. whatever works for ya.

But from my experience, people who are deeply religious come to regret it late in life. I'm at the age where my parents and their generation is approaching end of life and not one of the religious ones seems satisfied with their choice to dedicate their life to religion.

You would think the religious would be more content approaching death, because they are finally going to get to enjoy their afterlife that they've been waiting for all their life...that they've prioritized over their earthly life.

Instead, I've noticed that it's the people who feel like they've lived their lives fully that approach the end with contentment and it's the religious ones who looked down on 'earthly' things all their life that turn bitter and start lashing out at everyone around them at the end.

Maybe 'earthly pursuits' aren't so bad after all. Maybe they are the entire point.

Engage in lewd and lascivious behavior at least once a month.

I don’t know about your experience, but I’ve been in and out of churches for 25 years, heavily populated by the elderly, who love the Lord and serve the church very faithfully.

You sound like a narcissist. What you have now is more than 99% of people in regards to family friends and security. What you are describing is not loneliness it’s entitlement. Unfortunately that has a lot to do with upbringing, and it’s too late to change.

Tell me more. Please.

Figure out what makes you happy and commit to it. And if you're lonely, maybe try to find a roommate. Buy a house and rent some rooms out. You can be picky on who you allow to move in.

I'm too narcissistic to be lonely. Actually I prefer it, keep people far away.

Have a child and become a dad.