Keep your head up. Take a personal vacation. Don’t even look for a girl just have fun to yourself. If you haven’t seen Forgetting Sarah Marshall you should definitely watch and go to Hawaii like Peter did. If you need help though seek it!! But mainly you are gonna be just fine.
smilodon wrote:
I would vote for getting well dressed, clean and attending Thanksgiving. Most will be supportive and kind (hopefully), and roll with the punches. Having resilience and facing these kind of painful encounters will help you in the long run. Also, staying in your relationship longer and staying away from your family are consistent with an avoidant pattern, which is not optimal. Thanksgiving night with family will end faster than you think and at the end will likely be pleased you suffered through it.
Needed to +1 this. Couldn't have said this better myself. If Reaching out/OP actually "care[s] about how [he's] viewed by [his] family," then being avoidant and a gigantic wuss will just make them respect you less (but probably still love you just the same). Show some Gonads and show up when the going gets tough. Gobble gobble m'r f'r.
I say this as someone who went through something similar.
I also agree with the poster who noted the avoidant pattern. If you care about your family, I recommend going. Isolation will likely make you feel worse and will not resolve the issue. It might be uncomfortable to go, but I think it will be better in the end.
Reaching out wrote:
Thank you. Definitely skipping Thanksgiving.
I think I’m going to leave for a couple months.
Do what feels right for you, not what will please anyone else. Anyone telling you just suck it up and go to Thanksgiving has some ideal image of family in their heads that's not always a reality for everyone. If your family is toxic and unsupportive, this is the worst time to be around them. You don't owe them anything.
Show up to thanksgiving with the trashiest girl you can find
You either let fear, doubt, and guilt run your life, or you smile and move on. Simple choice
Reaching out wrote:
Can a man die from embarrassment?
My family told me I was in a bad relationship. 4 years later she broke up with me. My family is all about trying to comfort me but everyone is in “I told you so” mode. I don’t even care about the break up. I care about how I’m viewed by my family. My inability to not want to talk to any of them or see them is killing me. I mean literally. I have not eaten in 3 days, I have a constant headache. I called in sick the past 2 days and will not go to Thanksgiving dinner because I can’t face my family knowing they all are happy with the current situation. I may just go check into the hospital.
Family is often like that, much as “I told you so” feels annoying and doesn’t help. From their perspective, they care about you and are also mad that you invited unhappiness upon yourself by making choices they obviously could see were bad. If they seem happy now, it’s out of relief for you.
Go eat humble pie with them, and they will automatically get into comforting mode.
The relationship between you and your patents plus that of your siblings (and extended family if that’s the case) will very likely be the same for as it’s been for so many others. My guess is that you desperately want to be treated with more love and respect than you have been throughout your life and this situation has brought the inability to have meaningful and helpful conversations with any number of them is eating you up inside.
There’s a lot of things you can do over this Thanksgiving weekend and if you are so annoyed with them that you don’t want to even see them tomorrow then go with your gut and skip it tomorrow. But I would advise you to let them know that you were hurt by how they treated you during a very difficult time in your life and that’s the reason why you aren’t coming.
I’m guessing you’re probably around a generation younger than me and I can tell you from experience that I would do anything to have done something like this decades ago but I didn’t mainly because of my mother.
If you have not let anyone know yet you can do it tomorrow morning if that’s not too late. You might get some major pushback depending upon the personalities of your family but stick to your guns. Planting a flag now is better than anything you could ever say and definitely keep your cool.
I’m assuming a lot not knowing you at all but I’m familiar with the dread of seeing some of my family at certain times so I hope you can find some peace this weekend. If you have a good mate, call them up to tell them what happened and if he wants to hit a bar, hang out, go for a run, something so you’re not at home stuck with your thoughts. Don’t go to the hospital or a medical facility unless you are in danger. This will pass and you’ll become a stronger man from it. Please reply back if you have any questions or something else to say about this.
txRUNNERgirl wrote:
Do what feels right for you, not what will please anyone else. Anyone telling you just suck it up and go to Thanksgiving has some ideal image of family in their heads that's not always a reality for everyone. If your family is toxic and unsupportive, this is the worst time to be around them. You don't owe them anything.
I certainly can agree with this if the family is toxic and unsupportive, but he said, "My family is all about trying to comfort me," and that sounds like quite the opposite of that, even with the I told you so mode.
why overthink? just run baby
Take a hooker to Thanksgiving dinner with the fam.
I suggest that you go to Thanksgiving. You should tell your family up front (even send them a text before you arrive) that you appreciate their support, but you aren’t ready ro talk about the break up. This is your issue and you should contol it. Rven if you only stop in for dessert, you should not completely avoid your family. Tue sooner you start resuming normal activities, the sooner you will start to feel good again.
I got a brand new girl friend wrote:
Take a hooker to Thanksgiving dinner with the fam.
Love this answer, wish I’d thought of it. To quote another poster, “gobble gobble m’f’ers.”
I left a bad relationship (and marriage, to someone my parents loved more than I did) but it took me ELEVEN years to do, so good on you for running that race in four; leaving a bad relationship is one of the bravest things you can do. So go to Thanksgiving, with or without aforementioned paid companion, Or don’t go — but in any case, wear a tie and a smile, keep your head up and your shoulders straight, and walk (or run) through life like you mean it. You got this.
You should have gotten back together with your ex just for Thanksgiving.
Show them what’s what.
Thanks to everyone for the recommendation. I spent yesterday driving 1200 miles to Florida. I am going to spend the next couple months meeting some new people.