My father abandoned my brother and me and my mother my junior high years. My mother had real problems and could not hold a job and her health was in peril. My father was very well off (top quarter of one percent in income ), but he had ravenous tastes with young women and country clubs and expenses. Gambling too. Thank goodness for track scholarships for my brother and me - even community college would have been difficult for the dearth of public transportation, And i sure as heck didn't have any marketable job or trade skills.
I never felt entitled to a college education. My mom was poor and sick. Keeping her alive was what mattered. It became a life long job and I did not do nearly as well as it as I should have. My biggest regret. I had very high grades and high scores, but knew college was a privilege for the well off. What I did feel entitled to was honest communication. That never came. My father did not want to spend a dime, but wanted to tell his peers his kids were going to great schools. An ego thing. It dawned on me early in my senior year I could not trust him, as this was verified by D1 coaches i was beginning to trust, and went through the painful process of telling two Ivy League schools no go due to finances and no ability to file for financial aid (if I was early on told the truth, I never would have led them along). My father thought I was a fat dumb and lazy loser and often told me so (although he never could have done anything academically or athletically approaching what I did), and think now his abuse was a device to avoid talking openly about things like college.
In any event, the young man here deserves a clear message as to what his mother (even with support from her current spouse) and his biological father are willing to do. No sugarcoating, no equivocation. No ancillary emotion about not pursuing athletic scholarships. The kid needs to know the ground rules. I can tell you in my case the lack of honesty caused a life long rift, and my father, exceedingly well known in track circles before going into business, died without any communication from his sons in over a decade. I could not imagine a worse relationship between and father and his kids. I was not particularly angry with him but just stayed away at all costs. My brother, an excellent D1 runner and one of the most successful investors in the country today and an Econ Phd, and with an intellect that can take the air out of a room, woke up every morning hating my father and in some part it drove his motivation and success. Not sure it if is worth it. My brother is an excellent and supportive father, I might add, though. I found out about my father's death last year from one of his former runners, one of the great number of his scholarship athletes, who was far more anguished about his passing than I was, but who demonstrated a great deal of decency in reaching out to call. Again, I can't emphasize enough the importance of open and honest communication. These issues of trust are worth more than money issues.
My kids went to the Ivy League schools I could not attend (tried not to influence them), but I told them early on all would be paid for, including a car, study in Europe, clothes and so on. You can bet I upheld my end of the bargain, even if not easy.
Now years later they recognize the extent of the support and appreciate it, and I get it - parenting is not for those looking for immediate gratification.