You fear is that if you quit your dad does not love you any more. Thats the reason why you still run, although you hate it now.
I think a talk with your dad is unavoidable. Before talking write down everything what you dont like and also what you like with running. Prepare well for the talk. As preparation you can go throw such a talk with a friend or other person you trust.
At the start of the School year, my son quit soccer and joined the theater tech group. Man, It's one of the best things that ever happened to him. It's really big and will be for his lifelong betterment. Our relationship is even much better.
Well you could quit or just scale it back and change your goals. Constantly trying to be better at running isn't the only healthy approach to it. In fact it's pretty clear in your case that you'll be more healthier and well rounded if you backed off.
If you would enjoy that type of running. Cool. If not the maybe best to quit. If your dad can't accept that, that's his choice. The idea that you start something and have to do it for the rest of your life or else you're labeled a quitter is absurd. Most things don't need to be (and won't be) lifelong hobbies in order to be worthwhile.
If you approach them as an adult and say this is the decision ive made, they should respect you.
There's a really good article in the Sports Illustrated archives on former QB Todd Marinovich as a cautionary tale of over involvement by parents in their kids pursuits. I suggest both you and your father read it.
You fear is that if you quit your dad does not love you any more. Thats the reason why you still run, although you hate it now.
I think a talk with your dad is unavoidable. Before talking write down everything what you dont like and also what you like with running. Prepare well for the talk. As preparation you can go throw such a talk with a friend or other person you trust.
All the best.
I know he will still love me, but our relationship will definitely be different, and also I'm just really scared that I will regret quitting. But thank you for the advice, and yeah I think I will definitely have to talk to him.
Well you could quit or just scale it back and change your goals. Constantly trying to be better at running isn't the only healthy approach to it. In fact it's pretty clear in your case that you'll be more healthier and well rounded if you backed off.
If you would enjoy that type of running. Cool. If not the maybe best to quit. If your dad can't accept that, that's his choice. The idea that you start something and have to do it for the rest of your life or else you're labeled a quitter is absurd. Most things don't need to be (and won't be) lifelong hobbies in order to be worthwhile.
If you approach them as an adult and say this is the decision ive made, they should respect you.
yeah, it's clearly not working for me haha, but I cannot find the courage to stop doing it. :(
It sounds like your father will be ready to talk to you. You should talk to him. Don't tell him you don't owe him an explanation, because he's not some Internet rando, he's your father and you've been working on this together for a decade. But you can tell him that you've started to hate running because of the pressure to excel.
There's also a natural way to start the conversation: tell him you don't want to run in college. You want to try different things, and you want to pick a school based on academics or something else, not on the track team/scholarships/etc. (Is there a way to pay for college that doesn't involve a track scholarship?)
It's normal for kids to make changes in their lives after high school. Your father will probably understand that.
One thing you do need to watch out for is the behavioral pattern of enjoying an activity, then putting pressure on yourself to excel, then starting to hate the activity because of the long-term stress, then quitting. It's a behavioral pattern that can make a mess of lots of things in your life if you let it.
And you need to work on new ways to relate to your father. If a big part of that relationship is running and then that suddenly ends and you go away to college with nothing else to sustain that relationship, it will leave a big hole in your life. Use your time now to build your relationship on other things.
It sounds like your father will be ready to talk to you. You should talk to him. Don't tell him you don't owe him an explanation, because he's not some Internet rando, he's your father and you've been working on this together for a decade. But you can tell him that you've started to hate running because of the pressure to excel.
There's also a natural way to start the conversation: tell him you don't want to run in college. You want to try different things, and you want to pick a school based on academics or something else, not on the track team/scholarships/etc. (Is there a way to pay for college that doesn't involve a track scholarship?)
It's normal for kids to make changes in their lives after high school. Your father will probably understand that.
One thing you do need to watch out for is the behavioral pattern of enjoying an activity, then putting pressure on yourself to excel, then starting to hate the activity because of the long-term stress, then quitting. It's a behavioral pattern that can make a mess of lots of things in your life if you let it.
And you need to work on new ways to relate to your father. If a big part of that relationship is running and then that suddenly ends and you go away to college with nothing else to sustain that relationship, it will leave a big hole in your life. Use your time now to build your relationship on other things.
Thank you for the advice, yeah I think I will talk to him today, (I'll post an update on how it goes), and yeah I think that's a good way to approach it. I think I can pay for college without a track scholarship ( I mean we have always relied on one, but my parents have always said that they will help me pay for it if I don't get one, they just thought that would never happen). And yea, I guess I should watch out for that pattern, I suppose it could mess up a lot of things. Running is definitely a huge part of our relationship (we literally talk about it all the time), but I guess I should try to find something else that we can connect over....Thanks again for the help!
Why not just tell him you're not enjoying running anymore, and want to make your own decisions from now on, about what you do and don't do. Perhaps talk to your Mom first about this, and then tell your Dad.
Also, before talking to them, make a list of all the things you would like to do from now on, especially for the next few months going into the summer, and then fall.
One more suggestion. How about spending a much greater percentage of time with your teammates, the other girls on the team, talking with them, running with them (not competitively), supporting and encouraging what they do. I was very competitive in high school (50+ years ago) and this is one of the things that I regret not doing and wish that I had the chance to do it over again because things would be completely different.
Also, before talking to them, make a list of all the things you would like to do from now on, especially for the next few months going into the summer, and then fall.
yea that's a really good idea, but I don't really have anything that I want to do except spend more time with friends, but yea, I will try and make a list, thanks for the help :)
One more suggestion. How about spending a much greater percentage of time with your teammates, the other girls on the team, talking with them, running with them (not competitively), supporting and encouraging what they do. I was very competitive in high school (50+ years ago) and this is one of the things that I regret not doing and wish that I had the chance to do it over again because things would be completely different.
i already spend a LOT of time with them haha, I run with them (I just do more running on top of it) and I talk to them every day, but I agree, the friendship aspect is one of the best parts.
Hi, I'm a female high school runner, and I am looking to quit running. Just to give you a bit of background info, I've been running since I was about 7, my dad is my high school coach and I was first in my state last year in my best distance, (we are a weaker state but still). My point is, I'm not bad, and having my dad be my coach, it's pretty hard to quit. I don't know how to tell him.
To give you some context, I basically just hate running, like HATE HATE, and have hated it for the past year or so. I mostly just hate it because 1) huge pressure to achieve certain times, 2) I just hate the feeling of pushing myself and feeling that burn, 3) I run about twice the number of miles per week that the rest of the girls on the team do (since my dad is the coach), and it's exhausting and horrible, but unfortunately the only way for me to consistently improve, 4) I am not a person who can eat whatever they want, so I basically kill myself to maintain the "perfect running body", and 5) there are other things I want to do that I can't because running takes up so much of my time. Basically, I hate it, and I have tried really hard to change that attitude, but I can't and it's really hard to stay motivated to do something you hate. Anyways, I don't know how to break it to my dad that I don't want to do it anymore and not have him be shocked/disappointed/upset about it. I really want to have a normal and fun senior year next year, so how should I go about quitting this stupid sport?
3/10 you could have at least made it funny. If you were a girl who hates running you would never be on Letsrun.
Take a week off. No running, drills, core, anything. Give your mind/body a chance to reset and reflect and see if you still feel the same way.
Many athletes have experienced burning out and it sucks. Sometimes it gets better, sometimes not. I coach high school and have a sophomore who is one of best for his grade in the state (any classification). He almost quit during indoor but was able to reset his mind/body and just ran a PR 2 days ago. He was putting a ton of pressure/expectations on his performances, and he even dropped out of a race.
I'm not saying you are like the athlete I coach, but give yourself a chance to find love for the sport again and if it isn't there anymore, it is okay to walk away. You could always try a different sport or just run for fun. Good luck
Take a week off. No running, drills, core, anything. Give your mind/body a chance to reset and reflect and see if you still feel the same way.
Many athletes have experienced burning out and it sucks. Sometimes it gets better, sometimes not. I coach high school and have a sophomore who is one of best for his grade in the state (any classification). He almost quit during indoor but was able to reset his mind/body and just ran a PR 2 days ago. He was putting a ton of pressure/expectations on his performances, and he even dropped out of a race.
I'm not saying you are like the athlete I coach, but give yourself a chance to find love for the sport again and if it isn't there anymore, it is okay to walk away. You could always try a different sport or just run for fun. Good luck
Thanks for the advice! I personally feel like nothing I do will make me enjoy it again, but that's a good idea, maybe I'm wrong and I will change my mind after I take a break from it, and I will see that I miss it. Thanks again :)
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