100% flagpole if this isn't a troll post. You are way over your skis on this and need to recalibrate immediately and consider how you let it get to this point.
Everything she is saying could be true and you are still very much in the wrong here.
I'm with Flagpole and highhoppingworm on this. Also, it is past time for you to suggest to her that she see a therapist about her marriage or that she and her husband go to a therapist together. You should not be acting as her therapist, especially since she may see you as a potential romantic partner/rescuer at this point. Ask yourself if you see yourself as a rescuer in this relationship and are prepared for the possible unpleasant consequences. You sound well meaning, but a bit naive. Try to set boundaries in your friendship with her.
I'm with Flagpole and highhoppingworm on this. Also, it is past time for you to suggest to her that she see a therapist about her marriage or that she and her husband go to a therapist together. You should not be acting as her therapist, especially since she may see you as a potential romantic partner/rescuer at this point. Ask yourself if you see yourself as a rescuer in this relationship and are prepared for the possible unpleasant consequences. You sound well meaning, but a bit naive. Try to set boundaries in your friendship with her.
CORRECT! And good additions. I know I can come off as sounding harsh because I do just try to tell the truth, but your point about him sounding like a well-meaning guy is true. I agree with that. Your approach was better than mine.
Thought I would chime in with some additional thoughts for the OP.
I am also in a relationship (married) and am friends with a couple of women who are married. Those friendships have involved discussions about big topics — careers, parenting, etc. — but never our marriages. I know every friendship is different, and wanting to help a friend is a noble instinct, but if either of them were to open up to me about deep marriage issues, I would be concerned, and I hope I would try to steer them toward other support such as their siblings or female friends.
Others have mentioned the importance of setting boundaries. I agree with this, and want to add that it is related to the question, asked above, about whether your girlfriend knows about these conversations. I think it would be important that she is aware, and discussing it with her will help you set and maintain your own boundaries.
I'm with Flagpole and highhoppingworm on this. Also, it is past time for you to suggest to her that she see a therapist about her marriage or that she and her husband go to a therapist together. You should not be acting as her therapist, especially since she may see you as a potential romantic partner/rescuer at this point. Ask yourself if you see yourself as a rescuer in this relationship and are prepared for the possible unpleasant consequences. You sound well meaning, but a bit naive. Try to set boundaries in your friendship with her.
CORRECT! And good additions. I know I can come off as sounding harsh because I do just try to tell the truth, but your point about him sounding like a well-meaning guy is true. I agree with that. Your approach was better than mine.
I suggested couples counseling the very first time she started talking to me about this for all the reasons you guys have stated. It's not my business, I'm not a professional, I'm sure there are unhealthy dynamics between the two that I'm not going to see talking to her alone, etc. She said there is zero chance her husband would ever do anything like and that she's tried talking to him about things numerous times over the years with no effect whatsoever. To me, that sounds like someone you should definitely not be in a relationship with, let alone married to, but I didn't say that.
Also, FWIW, it's not like we're having therapy sessions. It's more like she's observed my relationship and I've talked about my relationship with her, not intimate details, just normal things. It's been illuminating to her because of the contrast. And my gf knows this person is my friend. She doesn't know about any of the marital issues or that we've talked about that because I feel like that's confidential and not really anyone's business. I know FP will disagree and say partners should share everything, but I disagree. I think in general that is true, but I also think to be someone others can trust and respect and feel comfortable sharing with, sometimes you need to keep things to yourself.
I'm not trying to rescue this person, but I have tried to have her "wake up" some and recognize really "out there" behavior in her marriage for what it is. That's what this thread was supposed to be about. She HAS woken up and recognized a lot of the whacko stuff for what it is, and I think the marriage might actually end as a result. I'm torn about that because on one hand I think she can absolutely do better and absolutely deserves to be treated better. At the same time, I don't like the idea that I might have had influence in someone's marriage ending.
Also, FP, I literally lol reading your posts sometimes. I appreciate hearing your thoughts, but you're incredibly self-absorbed and self-important. No truly wise person would ever talk about themselves the way you do. Have some humility for crying out loud. Again, I do appreciate the input regardless.
Thought I would chime in with some additional thoughts for the OP.
I am also in a relationship (married) and am friends with a couple of women who are married. Those friendships have involved discussions about big topics — careers, parenting, etc. — but never our marriages. I know every friendship is different, and wanting to help a friend is a noble instinct, but if either of them were to open up to me about deep marriage issues, I would be concerned, and I hope I would try to steer them toward other support such as their siblings or female friends.
Others have mentioned the importance of setting boundaries. I agree with this, and want to add that it is related to the question, asked above, about whether your girlfriend knows about these conversations. I think it would be important that she is aware, and discussing it with her will help you set and maintain your own boundaries.
CORRECT! And good additions. I know I can come off as sounding harsh because I do just try to tell the truth, but your point about him sounding like a well-meaning guy is true. I agree with that. Your approach was better than mine.
I suggested couples counseling the very first time she started talking to me about this for all the reasons you guys have stated. It's not my business, I'm not a professional, I'm sure there are unhealthy dynamics between the two that I'm not going to see talking to her alone, etc. She said there is zero chance her husband would ever do anything like and that she's tried talking to him about things numerous times over the years with no effect whatsoever. To me, that sounds like someone you should definitely not be in a relationship with, let alone married to, but I didn't say that.
Also, FWIW, it's not like we're having therapy sessions. It's more like she's observed my relationship and I've talked about my relationship with her, not intimate details, just normal things. It's been illuminating to her because of the contrast. And my gf knows this person is my friend. She doesn't know about any of the marital issues or that we've talked about that because I feel like that's confidential and not really anyone's business. I know FP will disagree and say partners should share everything, but I disagree. I think in general that is true, but I also think to be someone others can trust and respect and feel comfortable sharing with, sometimes you need to keep things to yourself.
I'm not trying to rescue this person, but I have tried to have her "wake up" some and recognize really "out there" behavior in her marriage for what it is. That's what this thread was supposed to be about. She HAS woken up and recognized a lot of the whacko stuff for what it is, and I think the marriage might actually end as a result. I'm torn about that because on one hand I think she can absolutely do better and absolutely deserves to be treated better. At the same time, I don't like the idea that I might have had influence in someone's marriage ending.
Also, FP, I literally lol reading your posts sometimes. I appreciate hearing your thoughts, but you're incredibly self-absorbed and self-important. No truly wise person would ever talk about themselves the way you do. Have some humility for crying out loud. Again, I do appreciate the input regardless.
Your BS slam of me at the end aside, you can see from the responses of others that I hold the majority opinion here. I see a lot of you trying to rationalize what you are doing. Again, you asked for opinions. You've gotten them, the vast majority of which are telling you that you should not be doing what you're doing. Regarding your "humility" comment to me, do note that before you said that, I told another poster that his approach to you was better than mine. Sounds pretty humble if you ask me.
CORRECT! And good additions. I know I can come off as sounding harsh because I do just try to tell the truth, but your point about him sounding like a well-meaning guy is true. I agree with that. Your approach was better than mine.
I suggested couples counseling the very first time she started talking to me about this for all the reasons you guys have stated. It's not my business, I'm not a professional, I'm sure there are unhealthy dynamics between the two that I'm not going to see talking to her alone, etc. She said there is zero chance her husband would ever do anything like and that she's tried talking to him about things numerous times over the years with no effect whatsoever. To me, that sounds like someone you should definitely not be in a relationship with, let alone married to, but I didn't say that.
Also, FWIW, it's not like we're having therapy sessions. It's more like she's observed my relationship and I've talked about my relationship with her, not intimate details, just normal things. It's been illuminating to her because of the contrast. And my gf knows this person is my friend. She doesn't know about any of the marital issues or that we've talked about that because I feel like that's confidential and not really anyone's business. I know FP will disagree and say partners should share everything, but I disagree. I think in general that is true, but I also think to be someone others can trust and respect and feel comfortable sharing with, sometimes you need to keep things to yourself.
I'm not trying to rescue this person, but I have tried to have her "wake up" some and recognize really "out there" behavior in her marriage for what it is. That's what this thread was supposed to be about. She HAS woken up and recognized a lot of the whacko stuff for what it is, and I think the marriage might actually end as a result. I'm torn about that because on one hand I think she can absolutely do better and absolutely deserves to be treated better. At the same time, I don't like the idea that I might have had influence in someone's marriage ending.
Also, FP, I literally lol reading your posts sometimes. I appreciate hearing your thoughts, but you're incredibly self-absorbed and self-important. No truly wise person would ever talk about themselves the way you do. Have some humility for crying out loud. Again, I do appreciate the input regardless.
Oh, and regarding your comment that I would believe "partners" should share everything, NOPE! Married couples, yes, you sharing everything with your little girlfriend, no.
Also, FP, I literally lol reading your posts sometimes. I appreciate hearing your thoughts, but you're incredibly self-absorbed and self-important. No truly wise person would ever talk about themselves the way you do. Have some humility for crying out loud. Again, I do appreciate the input regardless.
Look flagpole is the most annoying, self-absorbed know-it-all ever on these boards. I think pretty much everyone knows that by now. Does he sometimes contribute some good ideas? Yes. Is he sometimes correct in his assertions? Yes. But the majority of the times he is an extremely annoying, self absorbed thinks-he-know-it-all even if he is discussing topics he knows nothing about, and is dead wrong on.
She HAS woken up and recognized a lot of the whacko stuff for what it is, and I think the marriage might actually end as a result. I'm torn about that because on one hand I think she can absolutely do better and absolutely deserves to be treated better. At the same time, I don't like the idea that I might have had influence in someone's marriage ending.
Good for you, and good for her. You were and you are right to talk with her. Personally, I would have told her what I thought.
I disagree with the idiots who say you shouldn't let her know what you think. You're in a relationship with your GF, and they are posting to you on this thread, so by doing that they are violating their bad advice that they're saying to you and they're hypocrites.
Whether FP and his followers would want to sleep with her just from talking with her has no relevance to what you do, because thank goodness you are not them.
I'm quite sure if she was talking with her friends, that they wouldn't hold back in the least. That's another thing she should do right away, is to start talking regularly with her friends, and to live her own life, not having every part of her life controlled by some a--hole control freak jerk of a husband.
Also, FP, I literally lol reading your posts sometimes. I appreciate hearing your thoughts, but you're incredibly self-absorbed and self-important. No truly wise person would ever talk about themselves the way you do. Have some humility for crying out loud. Again, I do appreciate the input regardless.
Look flagpole is the most annoying, self-absorbed know-it-all ever on these boards. I think pretty much everyone knows that by now. Does he sometimes contribute some good ideas? Yes. Is he sometimes correct in his assertions? Yes. But the majority of the times he is an extremely annoying, self absorbed thinks-he-know-it-all even if he is discussing topics he knows nothing about, and is dead wrong on.
Well, INCORRECT! To wit...in this VERY THREAD, I told another poster that I was perhaps a bit harsh and that his approach was better than mine. Know-it-alls don't do stuff like that.
So, do you agree with what I've said about the OP in this thread, or are you wrong?
She HAS woken up and recognized a lot of the whacko stuff for what it is, and I think the marriage might actually end as a result. I'm torn about that because on one hand I think she can absolutely do better and absolutely deserves to be treated better. At the same time, I don't like the idea that I might have had influence in someone's marriage ending.
Good for you, and good for her. You were and you are right to talk with her. Personally, I would have told her what I thought.
I disagree with the idiots who say you shouldn't let her know what you think. You're in a relationship with your GF, and they are posting to you on this thread, so by doing that they are violating their bad advice that they're saying to you and they're hypocrites.
Whether FP and his followers would want to sleep with her just from talking with her has no relevance to what you do, because thank goodness you are not them.
I'm quite sure if she was talking with her friends, that they wouldn't hold back in the least. That's another thing she should do right away, is to start talking regularly with her friends, and to live her own life, not having every part of her life controlled by some a--hole control freak jerk of a husband.
1) He is not right to be talking to a married woman about the health of her marriage.
2) I do not have "followers."
3) You are correct that she should be talking to her "friends". Those can be same sex friends, family, or gay or asexual men, NOT a heterosexual male...well, MAYBE if he's 90 years old.
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