Parent personalities can be different but parenting styles need to be on the same page. If they're not it just gives mixed messages to the kids and they get an idea who they can possibly manipulate (ie creates a lot of unnecessary stress for both the kids and parents). Family counseling for the parents is a great idea if they want a better chance of a successful marriage.
friztek wrote:
tteokbokki wrote:
The husband sounds like an a**hole. Effective parenting requires communication and agreement or compromise on how things will go, even if the two parents take on different roles. It's important to work together as a team and try to deliver consistent messages.
How can the husband be the a-hole. What if the mother is a helicopter parent always saying no to the kids for everything and the dad is more laid back and is saying it’s ok to have a cookie or play a lil PS5 before homework and so he said yes to something she said no to. Is it right to overrule the other parent in front of the kids absolutely and he’s wrong for doing it. But maybe the mother is always doing that to
Him and he was tired of it. Men have to hide their emotions and always have to be the ones to let stuff go. And that isn’t fair in a marriage where it’s suppose to be 50/50. He’s wrong in the situation but maybe the mother is the a-hole overall.
We’re on PS5 now?? Maybe I’m no longer “young”.
friztek wrote:
tteokbokki wrote:
The husband sounds like an a**hole. Effective parenting requires communication and agreement or compromise on how things will go, even if the two parents take on different roles. It's important to work together as a team and try to deliver consistent messages.
How can the husband be the a-hole. What if the mother is a helicopter parent always saying no to the kids for everything and the dad is more laid back and is saying it’s ok to have a cookie or play a lil PS5 before homework and so he said yes to something she said no to. Is it right to overrule the other parent in front of the kids absolutely and he’s wrong for doing it. But maybe the mother is always doing that to
Him and he was tired of it. Men have to hide their emotions and always have to be the ones to let stuff go. And that isn’t fair in a marriage where it’s suppose to be 50/50. He’s wrong in the situation but maybe the mother is the a-hole overall.
Again, I don't know all the details, I've never even met her husband, but I do know her well, and she is a very normal, reasonable person. Sometimes people are different people in their relationships, and I don't rule out that possibility, but the several times she has shared details with me about this sort of thing, I think she was being very normal, healthy, reasonable, etc, and I both disagreed with her husband and obviously with him disregarding her. I would disagree with that behavior regardless of genders as I agree with everyone else here that parents need to be united in their parenting as much as possible. That's really what the thread was about anyhow, not necessarily trying to demonize either parent or gender or anything, but rather talk about how to manage such a situation and what healthy parenting should look like. I find one parent disregarding the other not only to be bad parenting but also hugely disrespectful, to the point I don't think I would ever tolerate a relationship like that, but that's just me.
jamb innnnn wrote:
Kid: hey can i do/have XYZ?
Me: idk go ask ur mom
^that'll be me if im ever a dad
This is the correct answer.
Harr wrote:
One of my close friends (a coworker) is a mom of three, and we talk about a lot of things. One of the things she complains about a lot is that her husband will regularly completely disregard and overrule her parenting decisions without talking to her, like to the point where the kids will ask her about something, she'll say no, then he will disregard what she said right in front of her and say yes, or the reverse. I don't know all the details of course, but the couple things she's shared with me leads me to believe she's being very reasonable, none of her parenting decisions are "bad" even if you might have a slightly different opinion.
All this has got me thinking, what do you do if you and your partner have very different parenting styles? What should be done in a situation like I described above where one parent disregards the other? That seems pretty unhealthy to me... Asking here because I don't know what I would do if I found myself in that situation.
My wife and I agree never to undermine each other, in front of our kids. We agree on most things regarding parenting, fortunately. But we've also agreed, anything about which we disagree related to parenting, needs to be hashed out in private until we come to an agreement. Then, once we've agreed, we take it to the kids.
What you describe isn't co-parenting. It's one person parenting and the other being disregarded and disrespected. That kind of disregard for the other spouse, isn't healthy for a marriage, in my opinion. Unless, the wife is okay with it, or likes it that way, then I suppose it's okay. But it sounds like she's not, since she vents about it to you.
Well it sounds like she makes up her mind without consulting the husband so the husband is doing the same. It’s dumb and obviously not good. Parents should at least act like they’re on the same page. Most dads just say, “uhh ask your mother” lol. Those are good dads.
VroomVroom wrote:
Well it sounds like she makes up her mind without consulting the husband so the husband is doing the same. It’s dumb and obviously not good. Parents should at least act like they’re on the same page. Most dads just say, “uhh ask your mother” lol. Those are good dads.
These aren't huge decisions. There are lots of times when parenting kids you just make a decision right there on the spot. Parents don't need to consult each other on everything ever done and said.
Sounds like she couldn't convince her husband. It's important to understand each other and have an agreement in a successful relationship. especially in parenting decisions, they have to compromise.
well in such case therapy and medical counseling has helped a lot. You can suggest your friend take him to the parental counseling center. Or they can book online appointments and have discussions with doctors digitally. Nowadays many hospitals have an online portal. For example, Christus Trinity Mother Frances Health System has TMF myChart (
https://elogin.fyi/health-and-insurance
)where both patients and doctors can communicate and maintain their records.
Hope this can help them.
I do what I want when I want! But hold on let me go ask my wife ;)
There yago!