My wife is going to become Stay At Home Mom

I think it's a horrible decision. I'm freshly divorced and I blame it in part to her being a stay at home mom. As others have said, she'll miss adult interaction throughout the day. She'll come to resent that you can step away from parenting during the day, while she can't. She won't want to ever hire babysitters, because she'll feel guilty having to hire babysitters while she is a stay at home mom. When you come home from work, it will become your turn to spend time with the kids while she goes to visit friends, run errands, or do things separate from the kids. Eventually you'll be parenting the kids separately, as a means to give her some personal space. That stuff collectively builds.

(And then you'll get a divorce, she'll get a low paid job, and complain that she now doesn't have time to do anything fun with the kids.)

congrats!

StayAtHome wrote:

My wife is a PA----spent a lot of time and effort in school. She loves her job but feels like she'd be happier at home with our almost 2 year old. Im not sure more kids are in the future for us unfortunately.

Right now we have a full time nanny and our son likes her a lot.

Any advice for her from stay at home moms?

Are you sure she doesn't really want to stay at home so she can spend more time with the nanny?

You may want to invest in a few good nanny cams ones that can be hidden really well, especially for your bedroom.

Another thought is to look at dropping the kid off at a daycare for half a day twice a week. Won’t cost too ungodly much and will give the wife some time of her own during the week.

Honestly, I think the hardest part of this situation is that both parents think they have the hardest job and it causes friction.

All I know is after a weekend with the kids I can’t wait to go to work on Monday morning 😂

here's how an economist would look at this: You are paying $100K (PA salary+benefits) to have your wife watch the kid. That might be the right trade off for you but it might not be.

Why not take all of that money and spend it on a in-home childcare person. Really seems worth it to me.

Have you conisdered that your wife might like a part time schedule as well?

Ignore what women have successfully done throughout history and listen to this guy.

Sounds like a good idea.

As long as she has all of her social media firing (daily updates on how amazing her kids are, how clean her house is, you know...) has a yoga membership and likes coffee she will be just fine.

Serious question: When stay-at-home moms have kids who go to school, what do they do all day?

Being a stay at home parent is very very tough. In my opinion it is much harder than being employed while the kids are young (0-5). People who don't have kids won't get this but I stand but those that do and are involved parents will likely stand by my statement 100%. I have two kids in this age range and another one arriving soon. Even when both of us are off work we are exhausted by the end of the day. When my wife is gone for a few hours and I am the sole caregiver I develop a whole new level of respect for single parents and those that take care of their kids 24/7 day in and day out.

I would make sure you both agree on the expectations you both have for your roles and that you make sure that you have a plan to address any of the resentment (both directions) that may build up. It will be super easy for you as the employed one to forget how hard it is to take care of little kids and it will be very easy for her to grow to resent you for being able to step away from parenting.

Just make sure to go into it eyes wide open.

Stay at home mom for one child? Why? This makes no sense. In 2 years your kid will be at school 40 hours a week. Who will she be mothering then?

I agree. Becoming a stay-at-home mom is a 100% irreversible decision for all time, especially when leaving a field like being a PA.

You’ll probably get more and better tang than the two income family where everyone is tired.

Spot on advice, critical to make time for just the two of you. Kids grow up and leave, you needbto keep your connection with your spouse

StayAtHome wrote:

My wife is a PA----spent a lot of time and effort in school. She loves her job but feels like she'd be happier at home with our almost 2 year old. Im not sure more kids are in the future for us unfortunately.

Right now we have a full time nanny and our son likes her a lot.

Any advice for her from stay at home moms?

Women can deliver babies alone under a tree, trecking across the wilderness.

I doubt she needs advice as to how to stay home, look after your\her child, clean the house and cook food.

Turn the tables on her. Talk about how great it's going to be when you're a stay-at-home dad. Tell her spe3when you plan to quit. Talk about all the great parenting. Family this, family that, etc. In fact, you could have been going that route before you even got married. Made it lear that was your plan and always has been.

a runner g wrote:

Another thought is to look at dropping the kid off at a daycare for half a day twice a week. Won’t cost too ungodly much and will give the wife some time of her own during the week.

Honestly, I think the hardest part of this situation is that both parents think they have the hardest job and it causes friction.

All I know is after a weekend with the kids I can’t wait to go to work on Monday morning 😂

this is sad... you shouldn't have had kids.

StayAtHome wrote:

Right now we have a full time nanny and our son likes her a lot.

Are you ditching the nanny?

Is your wife jealous that the kid likes her a lot.

(is she hot?)

Occam wrote:

a runner g wrote:

Another thought is to look at dropping the kid off at a daycare for half a day twice a week. Won’t cost too ungodly much and will give the wife some time of her own during the week.

Honestly, I think the hardest part of this situation is that both parents think they have the hardest job and it causes friction.

All I know is after a weekend with the kids I can’t wait to go to work on Monday morning 😂

this is sad... you shouldn't have had kids.

That escalated quickly. It is very possible to love your kids and enjoy spending time with them while acknowledging that it is exhausting to take care of them 24/7 and having some time to yourself and other adults is nice.

You shouldn't be so judgmental. I would also bet you have no experience in this subject.

Occam wrote:

a runner g wrote:

Another thought is to look at dropping the kid off at a daycare for half a day twice a week. Won’t cost too ungodly much and will give the wife some time of her own during the week.

Honestly, I think the hardest part of this situation is that both parents think they have the hardest job and it causes friction.

All I know is after a weekend with the kids I can’t wait to go to work on Monday morning 😂

this is sad... you shouldn't have had kids.

Nah. I love my kids and spending time with them.

That doesn’t mean I want to be around them all day everyday.

Plus, my 6yr old is special needs and extremely difficult.

Trust me, our kids are well taken care of but when the nanny arrives at 7:30am Monday morning my wife and I are both happy to go to work.