small triGger wrote:
Any old farts 35+ like me interested in going out there to make some parody videos? Could have some beautiful slo mo shots of one of us throwing down a 7’20 mile, beer gut and all.
Agreed! I should put together some footage of my easy long run today.
"Hey! What's up? This is Portland Hobby Jogger getting ready to rock some 8-9 minute pace goodness on some nice suburban streets and bike paths. I'll also give you my take on these sweet Saucony Liberty ISO 2 shoes. Spoiler alert! They give some niiiice overpronation control for pudgy old farts like me."
(Quick cuts of me plodding along to the worst public domain techno or acoustic guitar music that I can find to avoid paying royalties. Waiting at some cross walks. Putting my mask on to pass some walkers. Getting odd looks from seniors playing golf next to the bike path. Swigging water from a Camelback bottle.)
"It's pretty epic so far but, I'm starting to feel that this morning's oatmeal is scouring out my colon. Just passed a new strip mall with Starbuck's location and a Which Wich? Sweeeeet!"
(More bad background music. Slo mo of ducks swimming in a drainage control pond. Random shot of clouds. Another old runner dude giving me a wave as he passes on the other side of the street. Some housewives pushing strollers. A flock of geese crapping all over an empty youth soccer field)
"Getting tired and my knees are a bit sore. Still keeping my heart rate low. Thanks, Garmin 235! I love these kind of runs because you just relax and enjoy the flow. The zen. The chi. Yeah, it's all ZenChiFlow this morning. Click up in the right hand corner to get my monthly newsletter and score some ZenChiFlow merch! So the Saucony Liberty ISO 2 are treating me right...good shoes!"
(Same awful music. Me turning off the watch at my driveway. Posing with my hands on my knees in a very unnecessary fashion because I never violated Zone 2 but, have to look more human for my viewers. Switching to close up of me chilling in my home studio nursing a Brew Doctor kombucha and displaying a half eaten Shalane Flanagan Super Hero Muffin)
"That's how you do Saturdays my friends! Got a question? Hit me up at the link below and don't forget to check out the new PHJ ZenChiFlow fanny packs and trucker hats. Next week, we'll go for a power walk with my wife and talk about how cleaning out the garage keeps her from starting a fight and is great cross training for ultras. Don't forget to subscribe to my channel so you won't miss any new content. Peace out and keep moving forward!"