If post-nupital shut off is real, why get married?

Suprised wrote:

Decline in testosterone affects everyone eventually. And at that point (or earlier in 20's or 30's if you're not just about the physical part), I think a lot of people see the value in marriage. Lots of studies have shown that married people live longer, more contented lives, for lots of reasons.

If post nupital shut off is your main concern, then I would advise against marriage. There's much more to marriage than the physical part. Sounds like you aren't mature enough to appreciate those things just yet. But the passage of time and life experience changes a lot of minds.

Lifelong singles are often happier than those who've been married:

NotPC wrote:

Anyone past 35 that's not married has a major flaw (or two) that have cropped up enough that others have said "Thanks but no thanks." and moved on.

No, it's just that many single 35+ year olds have done the cost benefit analysis and determined that it's better to remain single. They can get married if they want to, but the loss in freedom, time, money, having only one sexual partner, etc are not worth it.

It's just like saying that every 35+ year old man who has never run a sub 6 mile has a major flaw in work ethic, talent, or both. It's not that they're flawed, it's that they're not interested in running sub 6 miles in the first place.

Marriage ends in divorce or death wrote:

Lifelong singles are often happier than those who've been married:

Such a dumb argument. When I was single, all I wanted to do was get married, as dating royally blows. When now that I'm married, sometimes there's a slump and being single and dating around sounds awesome. That's how life is sometimes.

But I will say this.. the single guys on here who haven't been married, don't know what the F they are talking about. Cite all the internet articles and studies you want. You don't know jack $hit.

Not on the market wrote:

NotPC wrote:

Anyone past 35 that's not married has a major flaw (or two) that have cropped up enough that others have said "Thanks but no thanks." and moved on.

No, it's just that many single 35+ year olds have done the cost benefit analysis and determined that it's better to remain single.

And there's the flaw. "Cost benefit analysis". Come on.

Anyone who thinks it's better to stay single primarily because it's cheaper, is indeed flawed. Good luck having any meaningful relationship if that's the outlook. I know several people like this and trust me, it doesn't look like a fun life at all.

Marriage provides a man the opportunity to have kids. Most relatively stable women won't have kids without marriage.

Many women won't even go LTR without marriage and often end it ONLY because it isn't moving towards marriage.

UA Runner wrote:

Not on the market wrote:

No, it's just that many single 35+ year olds have done the cost benefit analysis and determined that it's better to remain single.

And there's the flaw. "Cost benefit analysis". Come on.

Anyone who thinks it's better to stay single primarily because it's cheaper, is indeed flawed. Good luck having any meaningful relationship if that's the outlook. I know several people like this and trust me, it doesn't look like a fun life at all.

What about the freedom to buy whatever you can afford, whenever you want? I'd rather be a single guy making $80K/year in a moderate cost of living area than a married guy making $280K in a moderate cost of living area. The single guy can spend a couple grand on bar hopping and video games if he wants, while the married guy can't even though he can afford to. And after all that spending, the single guy can probably retire earlier as well.

And what about the other things that money can't buy, like the freedom to train as much or as little as you want, or the freedom to do whatever you want outside of work without having anyone nag at you? You can decorate your home however you want, have whatever pets you want, and spend all day at an anime convention if that's your thing. And what if you want to take a spontaneous vacation or weekend trip?

I will reiterate what I wrote before. There is no culture in the world where being a single man is seen as a success or desirable (except within the confines of LR.)

There is little that is MORE disposable than single men. They are sent off to war to die in droves, they are sent into mines, onto fishing ships. They are completely disable to society at large.

Hookers: $8K a year

Trips to Amsterdam: $10K a year

Running, fishing and hunting equipment: $5K a year

Being able to run, fish, and hunt whenever you want, as long as you want? Priceless.

Wow. Bar hopping and video games. I can't believe I traded those two super-awesome things to do and am wasting my time watching my two amazing children grow up and seeing my super-hot, successful wife blossom into the single greatest human I have ever known.

To think that I could retire early, sit on a beach drinking a beer while playing my Nintendo Switch all alone instead of doing what I'm doing now.

Thanks for showing me the light ?

And, FWIW, I buy whatever I want whenever I want right now, with a wife and two kids, my wife never nags me, etc.

You either had a horrible example of what marriage is when you were growing up or you've spent too much time chatting with incels (many of the posters on LRC included).

NotPC wrote:

I will reiterate what I wrote before. There is no culture in the world where being a single man is seen as a success or desirable (except within the confines of LR.)

There is little that is MORE disposable than single men. They are sent off to war to die in droves, they are sent into mines, onto fishing ships. They are completely disable to society at large.

Not even close. A married young man can be drafted, and a married guy of any age may end up having to take a dangerous job to support his family.

The middle aged lifelong single, on the other hand, can't be drafted and won't have to work if he's financially independent (easily doable on a slightly above average income with no wife and kids)

"There is no culture in the world where being a single man is seen as a success or desirable (except within the confines of LR.)"

Every study I’ve ever seen ranks happiness as follows (men/women combined)

Happiest - married no kids

Next happiest - single no kids

Next - married with kids

Last - single with kids

It would be interesting to see this broken out for men vs women or by age group

NotPC wrote:

"There is no culture in the world where being a single man is seen as a success or desirable (except within the confines of LR.)"

It's not about the status of being single. It's about what that can mean. Nobody is saying that the status of being single is the goal, they are saying that professional / financial success, and the ability to do what they'd like, is is the idea. Certainly, as mentioned earlier, Isaac Newton and Beethoven are some of the greatest men of all time, with respect to their fields (and were not married). Certainly more desirable to me than a simple status of marriage.

Bear wrote:

Every study I’ve ever seen ranks happiness as follows (men/women combined)

Happiest - married no kids

Next happiest - single no kids

Next - married with kids

Last - single with kids

It would be interesting to see this broken out for men vs women or by age group

Your incel message board comments don't count as "studies."

joedirt wrote:

lol not this again wrote:

lol surely this explains the entire economy

Illegitimacy is probably the number one indicator for a life of poverty. It is not a coincidence that Asian Americans have the highest incomes and the lowest rate of illegitimacy and African Americans have the opposite.

If you think the middle class are the rich, then I agree with you.

NotPC wrote:

"There is no culture in the world where being a single man is seen as a success or desirable (except within the confines of LR.)"

Possibly true. Although society has routinely recoginzed and legitimized the call to being single given certain missions, especially those related to spiritual and religion (monks, priests, etc).

Regardless, why does that matter? Doing something that society says its desirable, because society says its desirable, is silly.

Do what satisfies and fulfills you. For most, given how we are raised and perhaps also natural innate desires, this ends up being a LTR or marriage. For others

For a smaller percentage, this is pursuing their mission as a single person. There is nothing wrong with this.

WTF? Lmao ????

Why would you not be able to spend on video games or anything else within a reasonable budget

NotPC wrote:

"And....let the "this person doesn't share my values, and so they are wrong" logic begin!"

Nope not a values thing at all, just human behavior. Someone can be very accomplished in work, sport, or hobbies but the inability to form a meaningful relationship with another person is a flaw.

Anyone past 35 that's not married has a major flaw (or two) that have cropped up enough that others have said "Thanks but no thanks." and moved on. Sure anyone can be happy enough by themselves (and yeah better to be happy and alone than miserable with someone just for the sake of being with someone) BUT the natural order of things is to couple up. The inability to do that is not seen as a good thing, in any culture on earth.

No. This is where you completely see past another option. What you describe unquestionably describes most 35+ singles.

But not every single one.

Some have had those opportunities but turned them down. They have the ability to form meaningful relationships, and clearly have those. They turn down forming a lifelong pair bonded relationship in favor of their mission and personal goals.