What was the lowest point of your life, and did you recover from it?

My spouse and I lost our adult child to a drug overdose.

I've learned a lot about grief in the intervening years, and evidently loss of a child or spouse are about the hardest losses to bear. I had no idea how worthless life could be before that happened. In the immediate aftermath, my spouse and I were both happy to stop living, provided something took both of us at the same time.

Three things have kept me on a gradual upward path since hitting that rock bottom: counselling, my spouse, and time.

We immediately sought help from a counsellor, and that was invaluable. Not because she did or said anything particular that I could put my finger on (although she did recommend some reading that turned out to be helpful), but rather because she served as a sounding board that let us express our thoughts out loud in front of each other, and work through our thoughts and emotions. It gave us some framework and context to anchor to, and in that way was beneficial.

Having my spouse there suffering through it with me was invaluable. We supported each other, and somehow (luckily) managed to make each other stronger. Some couples explode after this kind of loss, so we were somehow blessed with blind luck, and helped each other along.

They say time heals all wounds. I will say that's frankly bull$hit, nothing heals this kind of wound, but time does take the edge off, or dull the pain.

The first year after the loss, my head was in a constant fog, and I don't know how I functioned from day to day, especially at work. I remember little, if anything, from that whole year, which has effectively disappeared from my consciousness. After a year, I was a nearly fully functioning adult on the outside, but still a roiling mess on the inside. Now, well into year three, I think I am at the best state I can get to. I am often "happy" (or at least satisfied with life in general), and very much enjoy my time with my spouse. I am still often very sad. I have random crying jags. My emotions are much more extreme than before. And yet, life goes on. I no longer feel like it would be "OK" to die in a plane crash with my spouse, I want to live, thrive, be stimulated and enjoy the aging process with my spouse.

I don't know if there's anything in there of use to you, but I hope the best for you.

I was banned from posting on LRC. So far, I'm able to get up in the morning and face another day.

T.M.A.D.H.A.S.F.N.E.

Lowest point in my life was shortly after my brother killed himself. It didn't hit me right away so bad because he was a long-time addict and had made half-assed attempts at doing it before. I would say a month or so after the initial shock was when I really fell deep into a hole and was just trying to understand what I was feeling, and I was honestly on the edge myself in some way of trying to understand his pain and stop my own at the same time. I went to see a psychiatrist and therapist and got some help via medicine and cognitive behavioral therapy, which saved me from my own mind. A couple of years later I started running and that has basically replaced my therapy. I got out by seeking help because I couldn't bear it by myself anymore and knew I had to do something to avoid ending up like my brother. I hope you can find some light at the end of the tunnel and I wish you the best!

Getting forced out of my medical practice where I had been a member for 11 yrs and a partner for 6 years. Had to move my young family to a new location and start from scratch. Like you , I am 7 yrs later still not really over what happened, though on the surface my life would appear better.

2009-2015. In that period my husband lost his job of 17 years, I lost my job due to business closing, found out my husband had gambled our mortgage away, lived two months without electricity, lost our house, mom in out out of hospitals and rehab facilities, lost mom, lost everything had to move to an apartment to start over.

Lost the desire to run. Really had no time to. Worked three jobs to slowly climb out of debt. Looking at completely starting over at the age of 50. Still not completely recovered from it all but the desire to run and workout is back. Take it day to day but worry about the future. I’m a much tougher person now. Things don’t bother me as much.

Close friend tragically died and I was still young. He was one of the first people I knew closely while growing up that passed away. I was super down at the time, washing away my nights with shots of alcohol.

* hot summer days became excruciatingly long

* i needed to be with people but people in my life were too busy

* fighting with family (on going thing)

* girlfriend was on some total BS, had no idea what I was going through my head and was being deliberately mean one day kicking me while i was already down

* employment was only so-so and lack of progress weighing on me

Things were not going well. I was overweight. I was shattered emotionally and withdrawn. I felt like I basically had two options:

(1) end your miserable life now

(2) go out for a run and change course

The feelings for option (1) were legit but at a time when I hadnt been running option (2) still presented itself mentally as, "you better go for a run before this becomes worse". Interesting take, eh?

Fightergirl wrote:2009-2015. In that period my husband lost his job of 17 years, I lost my job due to business closing, found out my husband had gambled our mortgage away, lived two months without electricity, lost our house, mom in out out of hospitals and rehab facilities, lost mom, lost everything had to move to an apartment to start over.

Lost the desire to run. Really had no time to. Worked three jobs to slowly climb out of debt. Looking at completely starting over at the age of 50. Still not completely recovered from it all but the desire to run and workout is back. Take it day to day but worry about the future. I’m a much tougher person now. Things don’t bother me as much.

Reading between the lines, is there also the loss of a spouse (through divorce / separation) in there? That's a pretty tough road you walked, good for you keeping on...

Fightergirl wrote:

I’m a much tougher person now. Things don’t bother me as much.

I find this interesting. I've had periods of seemingly total collapse and hopelessness also, but afterward I've found the opposite to be true, for me. I find I seem somehow much weaker now than before it all. And things bother me more. I've always thought this stems from things collapsing, losing things, which I had always assumed totally rock-solid. Like lifelong friends, sibling-close friends who, for reasons I'll never understand, simply faded off away just at the times I needed someone most. Total failures in my own judgement, decisions I made which, in hindsight, turned out to be the worst choice I could have made, though at the time seemed to me totally sound after I'd weighed all of the variables. All of that has left me, in the aftermath, with the sensation that nothing can be trusted, not even my own judgement. So that means that every choice I make comes along with the fear that it's setting off some domino-effect I can't even see right now, but which will in time come to destroy me.

All that to say, I've never been able to understand the "it made me a stronger person" people. I wish I could learn from and be fortified by my experiences that way. Instead it just serves to reinforce how vulnerable I am and how truly little control I actually have over my life.

My low-point wasn’t as low as previous posts but early in my career I was fired from a job I was proud of. At the time it made me question what I was doing and was deeply embarrassing to explain to my family.

I was soon back to work and have achieved my goals at another firm where I’ve been ever since but the day I was fired remains the worst day of my life. I’ll never forget it.

interesting. wrote:

I find this interesting. I've had periods of seemingly total collapse and hopelessness also, but afterward I've found the opposite to be true, for me. I find I seem somehow much weaker now than before it all.

Same here. I had some terribly rough patches from about 2008-2013 that I still don't feel like I'm fully recovered from.

Logically, I know I'm the same fully competent person I've always been. And everything on the surface is going fine -- I'm in a stable happy relationship, employed in a good job that I like well enough, saving money, etc.

But those past problems and failures feel like scars in my brain, making me much more pessimistic and risk-averse, which I think has kept me from living up to the potential I think I have. I wish I could reinterpret those experiences positively as me having fought through something and persevered, but nothing about just surviving feels like a triumph. It didn't kill me, but it made me weaker.

No. I stayed in the marriage. I realized he had gone through a severe depression due to job loss. Although I’m always watching for similar behavior. I luckily found s job that he really likes but again with gamblers you must be aware that relapse is likely. My friends and family really did not want me to stay in the marriage. After 22 years so much vested in our marriage. I’m going to give it my best shot. One strike and he’s out.

During that time of losing our power and not having electricity I could not face anything. I had to go to a new job, my mom was slowly dying. Our son was causing problems. I was on the brink of suicide. My running became shorter and almost violent. I was constantly injured. Gosh I also lost my strength training job on the side.

I’m so different today.

I’m sorry if the last few years resemble my life. I know how you feel. Luckily I have begun to run again. Good luck to you.

Fightergrl wrote:No. I stayed in the marriage. I realized he had gone through a severe depression due to job loss.

You have no idea how happy that makes me.

And I don’t understand it myself.

But anyway there you have it. I am inexplicably happy there’s this core of good news in your tough journey.

Thanks!

I was weak for so long before I became stronger. Even today I have days that I might not want to continue but I get up and get dressed. Things were so rotten that the only way is up. Running really helps me. Definitely therapeutic.

I understand though how hard it is to be strong.

In high school had issues with the wrong crowd and brushes with drugs - realized these were not my friends just after taking a hit of mesc, worst possible moment. Broke away from them soon after and stayed away from drugs but it took a couple years to fully reset.

Took a job I didn’t really want at a point in my career when I should have been taking off with bigger and better things. Got Moved and jerked around by CEO for months and they took the money and projects I had brought in and fired me. I got a better job in a couple months but was extremely bitter for more than a decade.

Sibs committed financial elder abuse and one was neglectful in care of parent of parent with dementia. Another took the money and lied to and bullied anyone who tried to stop it. I had to clean up the physical and financial messes while fending off the bully. Low point of my adult life lasting about a year.

My mother and my now-wife got into a fight over some total BS six months before our wedding -- mostly from my mother's side. There was bad blood on both sides but my wife was ready to move past it and we agreed to include her in the wedding as a peace offering. My mother accepted and everything was supposed to be more or less okay.

So along comes the rehearsal dinner. My mother, who had behind the scenes been playing politics with the rest of the family convincing them of how evil I am, walks in with just her drama-loving sister in tow; the other 15 or so people in my family I'd invited didn't bother to show up. My mother and aunt approach me and my mother informs me that if the marriage goes through, I'm done with the family. I told them to please leave. Next day we went through with the wedding, my wife's family and our close friends there, which was comfort enough. I've not talked to my mother or any family member since then -- ~14 years.

Luckily for me I'm not a substance abuse type guy or I think I'd have turned to booze or narcotics in the days immediately after the situation. Instead I became a workaholic for a few years. 80 hours weeks, really for no reason other than it was an outlet. Tried to turn to fitness but angry running got me hurt a handful of times. I probably wasn't a great husband in those days, but my wife put up with me and I've slowly gotten better and more balanced. A lot less rage.

Now we have two children, live in a nice area, and have a good and stable life. But I'm not sure I'll ever completely recover from that whole period. I still have dreams about confronting my mother and wake up angry with her and even more so with the rest of my family who all turned their backs on me.

I went back to my home town just once, five years ago, to visit my father. (They've been divorced since I was a child.) Spent the entire time glancing nervously around afraid I'd run into someone. My kids ask the occasional question about the grandmother they've never met, and that really brings up the pain...

All of that said, I feel like this is a joke compared to one or two of the posts above. I'm eternally grateful for what I have and have been lucky in a lot of ways.

1/20/09

Very similar situation in my family. My father was disowned by his mother for marrying “down” the social ladder. She told my father she could not and would not take responsibility for any mistakes resulting from the union (children). As a result, i grew up not knowing and never meeting my paternal grandmother. Honestly, I think I was better off for it. She ruined several marriages in the family with her incessant meddling and constantly mistreated and emotionally abused my cousins. In my 20’s, years after my grandmother died, my paternal grandfather remarried and his new wife lovingly paved a reunion between my father and his father. I spent significant time with my grandfather throughout my young adult life traveling in Europe (he lived abroad). My grandfather used to talk to me about my grandmother and say she wasn’t a horrible person. He wrestled with the guilt of not being present in his grandchildren’s lives until the day he died

Do the best you can. You can only control your own actions and your responses to others choices (good or bad)

for me, the answer was to 'just do something' (everyday.)

I think its okay to have a 'time of mourning' preceding.

Physical lowpoint: 3 yrs of woe is me, drugs, 2 yrs of gluttony, 3 yrs of do something.

Health lowpoint: felt like a month of 'fallin.' 'week of in&out of life' 'choice to fight.'

Career lowpoint: a week of im 'd. try this try that, solution manifested.

Love lowpoint: rapidly approaching..

I grew up with a single mom who had some pretty severe mental health issues. I didn’t realize it as a kid but can see today the impact it had and has on me.

Struggled with an eating disorder in college, have felt very alone and isolated for a large chunk of my life.

Currently married with 3 kids. My teen son is smoking pot non stop and has lost all motivation to do anything.

Husband was laid off from his job in 2009 when I was pregnant with my 3rd and a stay at home mom. The subsequent 8 years were extremely rough financially, I am not sure how we survived.

Depression and anxiety were huge issues during those years but I somehow seem to have battled through. Our financial standing is finally solid. That helps a lot.

The situation with my son is really hard.

Through it all running was the only thing that helped, and still is today. I never saw a therapist / took medication.

I have also learned that I tend to push people away and isolate myself, but know that relationships are valuable and important to my mental health. It is hard for me to maintain friendships because I feel like I am doing most of the work.

Anyways just want to say I can relate to every post, thanks everyone for posting.

It often seems like no one else’s life has been as much as a struggle as mine has been because people are so good at putting up the facade on social media. I have learned though that those who seem to have the most perfect and happy lives are often the unhappiest.