A guy asked me if I want to grab coffee: is he implying a date? How do I gently try to confirm if it's only a friend thing?

They dude wants to bang, your bf knows he wants to bang, we all know he wants to bang, but for some reason you refuse to believe this, and instead you're setting yourself up for some drama when you finally have to either let the guy down or bang him.

Ok I could be totally out of touch because I e been married for many years. Why not call the guy after his text. Say hey, wanted to let you know Ive got a boyfriend, but if your invite was strictly professional then let’s get coffee.

A womanly woman wrote:

confused runner chick wrote:

I don't want to be presumptuous and also make it awkward in the future when I talk to him, since we technically live in the same joined house and I might run into him again.

I'm thinking of saying I am not available this weekend... would it be overkill to add something about my boyfriend (it would be unnecessary), or better to just not suggest an alternative time?

As a fellow woman, I feel your pain. One thing that has worked for me in these situations is to mention that I am transgender( I an not). Most men tend to back off then.

FFS, pain? And here's "what works" for you? Why can't you accept a compliment -- someone is asking you out? It's not fvcking pain. And why can't you simply be honest and say no thank you? This kind of behavior is ridiculous, immature, and simply creates drama.

Maybe I am weird but I don't like conveying these things across text, like "is this a date" "I have a boyfriend" etc. So I would rather tell him in person when the opportunity arises.

Missed something?ok wrote:

Ok I could be totally out of touch because I e been married for many years. Why not call the guy after his text. Say hey, wanted to let you know Ive got a boyfriend, but if your invite was strictly professional then let’s get coffee.

Or text the guy the same thing...

Or it can be as simple as "I can meet for coffee at 2pm but I have to leave at 3 to meet my boyfriend".

The only real alternative to this potentially being a date is that he is trying to pull you into whatever 'start-up' marketing scheme he is in.

I doesn't seem like you should go for coffee either way.

maffeboner wrote:

So basically you asked us for advice, you were given a lot of advice, all of it the same, then you ignored it, and now you are stringing this guy along while stoking insecurity in your current boyfriend's view of your relationship. WTF?!

In some cases, some women, especially younger women, tend to not have the confidence to set a clear boundary, or outright decline. So, ends up trying to please everyone which doesn't work out well for anyone.

In some cases, it's the biological imperative and she's not owning that she likes having options. But it tests the Madonna-Whore complex many American women carry around.

There's nothing wrong with her having multiple hookups/poly/whatever as long as it is consensual and safe sexual practices are used. Again, the emphasis is on this is a positive life choice for everyone.

Ideally, she gets clear about what she wants and sets boundaries accordingly.

Yeah okay I screwed up guys, I should have said something. The guy asked me if I wanted to get lunch or coffee this weekend.

Can someone help me draft a message that gets this across gently while not being presumptuous?

confused runner chick wrote:

Yeah okay I screwed up guys, I should have said something. The guy asked me if I wanted to get lunch or coffee this weekend.

Can someone help me draft a message that gets this across gently while not being presumptuous?

The easy answer would be to say "no, thank you."

Unless you want to meet with him in which case you'd say "yes."

confused runner chick wrote:

Yeah okay I screwed up guys, I should have said something. The guy asked me if I wanted to get lunch or coffee this weekend.

Can someone help me draft a message that gets this across gently while not being presumptuous?

Watch this on Netflix , will make you re think ........and answer your questions.

confused runner chick wrote:

Yeah okay I screwed up guys, I should have said something. The guy asked me if I wanted to get lunch or coffee this weekend.

Can someone help me draft a message that gets this across gently while not being presumptuous?

Here you go, just cut-n-paste:

Sorry, trust me it's not you it's me, I'm really just a stupid guy who trolls the internet in my underwear.

Works 100% of the time.

That seems rude and would make it awkward because of living in close proximity. Any other suggestions?

confused runner chick wrote:

That seems rude and would make it awkward because of living in close proximity. Any other suggestions?

Have a coffee with the guy, be friendly, be honest, and maybe become friends. Maybe it works out, maybe it doesn't. It's an hour of your life. Just do it.

Nothing wrong with having coffee with him but I assume you know you should bring up your boyfriend casually.

confused runner chick wrote:

Yeah okay I screwed up guys, I should have said something. The guy asked me if I wanted to get lunch or coffee this weekend.

Can someone help me draft a message that gets this across gently while not being presumptuous?

Well, there's this:

"Hey, thanks - I'm flattered - but, long story short, I'm seeing someone so I'm going to decline. I hope you have a great weekend, though." --All the best, Confused Runner Chick

If he replies by asking again, just keep politely saying no. If it goes on too long, then stop replying to the texts. In that case he ought to be the one to consider moving, not you.

rehq wrote:

confused runner chick wrote:

Yeah okay I screwed up guys, I should have said something. The guy asked me if I wanted to get lunch or coffee this weekend.

Can someone help me draft a message that gets this across gently while not being presumptuous?

Well, there's this:

"Hey, thanks - I'm flattered - but, long story short, I'm seeing someone so I'm going to decline. I hope you have a great weekend, though." --All the best, Confused Runner Chick

If he replies by asking again, just keep politely saying no. If it goes on too long, then stop replying to the texts. In that case he ought to be the one to consider moving, not you.

OP had coffee with the guy and didn't bring up the boyfriend. Obviously she's keeping the guy on a string in case she ever decides to fire the boyfriend.

Uh I have not had coffee with the guy yet. If we do have a quick coffee, I will mention my boyfriend. Some real idiots on here.

confused runner chick wrote:

Uh I have not had coffee with the guy yet. If we do have a quick coffee, I will mention my boyfriend. Some real idiots on here.

You're playing him off your boyfriend. Admit it to yourself at least.

Um, no I'm not. If you are such an expert, why don't you give me a message to draft that's not rude and not presumptuous?