What was it like running when depressed?

I should say even when at my worst I feel that way. In context I just crushed an amazing road race this morning off of like 4 hours of sleep, and despite being exhausted, it was one of my best races ever. Reminded me why I run, and why I don't let depression stop me from chasing those running highs.

yea! like there would be a lot of times where i just wouldn't run bc "what's the point if im not the best/i suck". getting back into it was so damn hard but so rewarding.... i had some teammates keep me in check for a while which really helped

PRDreamer wrote:

pathetic wrote:

lol you guys call that depression? with truly severe depression you won't run at all. you'll think about it and go "eh why bother. i suck, i'll never be the best, this is a waste of time, and we're all going to die anyway."

You can still feel all those things and run. Depression affects everyone differently and comes in peaks and valleys or an endless tidal wave. Just because you have severe depression doesn't automatically mean your life has to stop. I consider myself somewhat severely depressed but I still fight to be successful in my life and in my running even when I would rather be dead.

"pathetic" is making a point I think you are missing. I know, because I've been there (and possibly beyond). Yes, you can be very depressed and still run, and basically function in life.

But I respectfully don't think you understand what severe depression is. Actually, re-reading pathetic's comment, he might not know, either. I've been "severely" depressed. Running? lol..... Try almost no eating at all, suicide ideation 24/7, zero sleep, no showers, doing absolutely nothing but curled in a fetal position and wanting to die. For months on end. Hating the thought of being you. Hating everything. Not stepping out the door for months, not for a second. Not shaving. Not brushing your teeth. No energy to walk down a hallway. Just awaiting death, wantingly. Staring at a tv and hearing and seeing nothing. Not talking to another human being for actual seasons, or turning on a light.

honest anonymous talk wrote:

[/quoteBut I respectfully don't think you understand what severe depression is. Actually, re-reading pathetic's comment, he might not know, either. I've been "severely" depressed. Running? lol..... Try almost no eating at all, suicide ideation 24/7, zero sleep, no showers, doing absolutely nothing but curled in a fetal position and wanting to die. For months on end. Hating the thought of being you. Hating everything. Not stepping out the door for months, not for a second. Not shaving. Not brushing your teeth. No energy to walk down a hallway. Just awaiting death, wantingly. Staring at a tv and hearing and seeing nothing. Not talking to another human being for actual seasons, or turning on a light.

Yep. This is mostly how I feel. I wish I could use running as a help for depression, but the thought of running or just moving is exhausting and it takes so much effort just to go at 10min pace, let alone push myself and run at a halfway-decent pace. And just imagining myself doing a speed workout/race? No thanks.

I’ve struggled with depression my whole life and only recently feel like I’m getting it under control. What’s it like for me running with depression? It varies depending how sick I am at the time. At the best, it was constant negative thoughts about being fat, slow, thinking “what’s the point,” crying after races and such. At the worst, it was loss of sleep hindering recovery and making every step feel like my legs were concrete, getting random panic attacks in the middle of runs where I’d have to stop and sit down, feeling light-headed, dizzy, apathetic, and even had a few times where I imagined running off a bridge I was crossing. Throw occasionally getting bullied on LetsRun into the mix for good measure.

I share this personal info because I know that there so many others who are suffering and think they are alone, weak or embarrassed. I used to think these things, but got fed up. I looked at those who were successful at running and how they treated their mental health as important as physical. You shouldn’t run around with a broken leg, so why do it with a broken mind?

yeah. i would run.... not that often, have panic attack, stop, feel bad about stopping, want to die because im not worth anything. there was this one route where we would go over a bridge, and sometimes i would just refuse to do it because any time we went over it i wanted to jump off.

i know everyone says this, but it really is true... maybe not tomorrow or next week, or even next month, but it gets better ♡

you win, i was never THAT depressed. but i definitely skipped some runs.

Genuinely felt totally numb. Everything was so difficult and I couldn't push through even the slightest discomfort. So difficult to explain.

Ok now though. Anyone struggling, just get the help you need and surround yourself with who and what you love.

i always feel better seeing other people get better :D

did anyone else do the thing where they would like... purposely avoid any other human when running?

koriju wrote:

i always feel better seeing other people get better :D

did anyone else do the thing where they would like... purposely avoid any other human when running?

I would go on long runs up to 16 miles just to actually feel something and I’d end up running the same loop over and over again. I’d cross the street or turn around so I wouldn’t have to look at or acknowledge the person.

yep yep yep. just... being unable to bear looking at anyone, inside and outside of running. it was awful. it took a long time before i got better at that, and even then, i still struggle with it today

Yeah. Especially when you know you have a sad/apathetic look on your face and you don’t want anyone to ask if something’s wrong, when really, it’s just become your natural expression

I had been running as part of the varsity group all summer, and then once school began, I just felt too unmotivated and I started not caring. Each practice I would give up and slow waaaay down. During speed workouts, almost everyone on the team passed me, even though my PR was 4 minutes faster. I lost my varsity spot and never returned.

depression wrote:

Yeah. Especially when you know you have a sad/apathetic look on your face and you don’t want anyone to ask if something’s wrong, when really, it’s just become your natural expression

Yes.. I was at a low point in college after reoccurring injuries and leaving the team. I hadn’t had any social life for a while either since I was no longer around my teammates. While on a crappy run on a crappy day, I bumped into one of my former teammates. The first she said to me was “you look tired.” Gee thanks.

i would always have a really nervous look, and avoided eye contact. on particularly awful days i normally would just stay home but if i ran i had the look of a complete meltdown

This past summer, following a breakup, I fell on really painful times. I slept poorly and spent nearly every waking minute angry, sad, nauseous, or all three. But I never lost motivation to run. Running (and cycling) was the one thing I had to look forward to, my one purpose.

I wasn't eating much because I was in such pain, so I lost weight rapidly. I am 6' and got down to 130 by the end of it. My running and cycling improved. It felt like being on EPO or something. I crushed workouts and felt like I was floating on easy runs. I was stronger on the bike too. My running times improved quickly. I was stunned by this outcome. But I'd finish a run or bike and be in tears within an hour. Training was my only respite.

I haven't really gotten over it yet. Six months later, thoughts of my ex still slam me all the time and hurt so bad. I am on a few medications now, which have stabilized my mood enough that I'm not shattering into pieces all the time, but I still cry most days. The medications have not affected my training in any noticeable way. I gained some of the weight back and have fluctuated since September, but medications definitely stabilize my appetite. I'm much hungrier these days.

I thought that I would be doing so much worse if I wasn't able to run and bike. But I got hurt a few weeks ago and couldn't do either for two weeks. My mood was pretty apathetic but there wasn't the sharp pain and highs and lows like there are when I'm in hard training. So maybe training weakens me and makes me more susceptible to waves of sadness? I got back to running and biking for a week and my mood started swinging back and forth again. And then a week ago I got a stress fracture and have been unable to do anything until today. My mood again became lethargic, but there weren't the sharp lows that terrify me so much. I had assumed that training was my savior. Now I wonder if it's helping crush me.

I've had six stress fractures in my life. Injuries are a trident in the heart. They take away your daily outlet for stress relief, they take away your favorite hobby, and they crush long-term dreams. I wish no runner ever had to go through them.

Sometimes I run just with the intentions of hurting my body...I’ll go out in literally subzero temperatures and run for hours until I start to shut down and collapse.

Heh, does anyone else do this? I haven’t really heard of anyone else

different experience wrote:

. My mood again became lethargic, but there weren't the sharp lows that terrify me so much. I had assumed that training was my savior. Now I wonder if it's helping crush me.

I've had six stress fractures in my life. Injuries are a trident in the heart. They take away your daily outlet for stress relief, they take away your favorite hobby, and they crush long-term dreams. I wish no runner ever had to go through them.

My handle explains my situation succinctly. Injury put an end to my running dreams (can't even run socially/casually).

I was upset at the time, and it immediately followed another difficult time in my life where I struggled with depression and anxiety.

But believe me, overall, injury is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Sometimes you need to be kicked right off the path to see perspective. There is way, way more to life. Go live.

Trail Running in a beautiful forest on a sunny day. Can't think of a better way to fight depression.