not married, no kids. feel like I dodged a bullet

As a father of twins I feel the same way. Mine are 8 now. Like you I took a step back at work (36 hours a week instead of 40 taking half a day off on Fridays to spend with them) and it has been invaluable. The first year with twins is insanely tough (no sleep, tons of money on diapers, doctors, etc.). Mine were born at 34 weeks and had to spend a week in the special care nursery and ended up costing us $35k out of pocket as the physicians group in the in network hospital was out of network. The extra time with the kids is great. Make sure to read with them every night, coach their sports and learn to enjoy the moments with them (even when they are cranky). How you deal with stress will reflect how they deal with stress as they mature. They are both 4.0 students, play up an age level in soccer and are aerobic beasts. Props to you for having your priorities in order.

i'm as a happy as they come wrote:

Divorces happen when men and women decide to settle for someone who isn't quite what they want but they think the person will change. Then they meet mr or mrs perfect later in life. You'll find your perfect person and decide it's time to get married and have kids. Right now you are smart by not settling for the first person who walks down the street.

Second marriages have a worse rate of divorce than first ones, so your assumption is false.

Someone who knows wrote:

i'm as a happy as they come wrote:

Divorces happen when men and women decide to settle for someone who isn't quite what they want but they think the person will change. Then they meet mr or mrs perfect later in life. You'll find your perfect person and decide it's time to get married and have kids. Right now you are smart by not settling for the first person who walks down the street.

Second marriages have a worse rate of divorce than first ones, so your assumption is false.

Lol at decreased sex drive my grandfather is 84 and still banging nurses and their assistants.

Typical American- sex drive dead at 40 lol, that's worse than loneliness

Mr. Owl wrote:

I would like to be somewhat reasonable. Here are some things:

I'm married, one kid, 30-35 age group at your local turkey trot

- I was married for almost 10 years before having kids. The post-nuptial shutoff is real, and quite a bit more severe after having a baby. It sucks, but I love my wife. I just try to nail her whenever I get the chance. A previous poster was right (a little over the top) about being selfish, you realize how selfish you are once you're married, and you REALLY realize it when you have a kid. Still, I think realizing and accepting that is good for you as a person. That doesn't mean you need to run out and get married and start cranking out babies. I'd never go back though.

Same situation, ten years older but can still bust out 16-17 5K depending, no shutoff whatsoever with wife your age; more oral, hand and toys if short on time but the orgasms are plentiful, convulsive, and good for everyone, it seems.

I could not agree more. I have never dated, have no girlfriend, no wife, no kids, and I generally and basically work, play and enjoy life. I get my bills paid and I pay my taxes on time. I have no alimony no child support payments and I have caused no broken hearts. Yes, Let those who want the kids and the relationship have them. But it's equally blissful without. I don't shed a tear for what I do not have. I do not experience relationship or parent FOMO. Don't let anyone make you bad for feeling good:)

east coast wrote:

half of my married friends are getting divorced or separated. the few couples I know with kids are generally miserable (without saying it, but you can tell). I guess kids could be great and parenting could be great but you never know until you're in it, right? Lots of people are just not cut out for parenting and shouldn't bother.

Anyway, even though being single is hard at time (being lonely especially), I look at my married with kids brethren and can only surmise that I took the right path.

east coast wrote:

half of my married friends are getting divorced or separated. the few couples I know with kids are generally miserable (without saying it, but you can tell). I guess kids could be great and parenting could be great but you never know until you're in it, right? Lots of people are just not cut out for parenting and shouldn't bother.

Anyway, even though being single is hard at time (being lonely especially), I look at my married with kids brethren and can only surmise that I took the right path.

Many people are great with it and lead fulfilling wonderful lives single and without kids. My guess is that you are kidding yourself and you are not one of those people. Your post read like someone who was trying to convince themselves. I could be wrong, I just feel you are not that happy with your situation.

If the right woman came along you wouldn't even remember thinking what you posted.

Conundrum wrote:

Many people are great with it and lead fulfilling wonderful lives single and without kids. My guess is that you are kidding yourself and you are not one of those people. Your post read like someone who was trying to convince themselves. I could be wrong, I just feel you are not that happy with your situation.

If the right woman came along you wouldn't even remember thinking what you posted.

lol

Hardloper wrote:

Conundrum wrote:

Many people are great with it and lead fulfilling wonderful lives single and without kids. My guess is that you are kidding yourself and you are not one of those people. Your post read like someone who was trying to convince themselves. I could be wrong, I just feel you are not that happy with your situation.

If the right woman came along you wouldn't even remember thinking what you posted.

lol

+1

Conundrum considers himself this board's unofficial mom. I wonder if he is as insufferable in person as he is on here.

You didn't dodge a bullet, you dodged a life. The great irony in the OP's comments is that he is constantly talking on these boards about the importance of money / how much money he has or came from. Truth is, if you are living solely for yourself, you don't need much money at all. The OP sounds sad and lonely.

Hardloper wrote:

No joke, it's extremely sad when old people have no family to take care of them. My wife is a hospice nurse so we see it quite a bit. Your dog and "friends" don't care about you enough to take care of when you're old and physically handicapped. In the short term, no kids is the more attractive option but statistically men with kids have longer, happier lives.

#1 dumbest reason to pop out a few kids right here.

If you didn't need anyone to talk to in your 30's, you certainly don't need to talk to while they change your bedpan in your 70's.

J is for jelly beans wrote:

Hardloper wrote:

lol

+1

Conundrum considers himself this board's unofficial mom. I wonder if he is as insufferable in person as he is on here.

More like your dad but I think my read on this is right. People happy with their choices don't write posts justifying their choice.

moist wrote:

My wife and I experienced PNSO because my d*ck is too big and sex was painful (also waited for marriage, so no premarital experience). We worked in some toys to loosen things up and now the PNSO is over. Long over. If we're not bangin' 4-5 times/week, it means she's pregnant.

True story.

pics?

I'm in my 20's and have no wife/kids myself, but my family is awesome. I want that in my future.

east coast wrote:

half of my married friends are getting divorced or separated. the few couples I know with kids are generally miserable (without saying it, but you can tell). I guess kids could be great and parenting could be great but you never know until you're in it, right? Lots of people are just not cut out for parenting and shouldn't bother.

Anyway, even though being single is hard at time (being lonely especially), I look at my married with kids brethren and can only surmise that I took the right path.

Being married and having kids are often conflated, but they are distinct situations.

Having kids is great. After thinking for years that I didn't want any, I waited until I was well into adulthood to have them and love it.

On the other hand, marriage sucks for the most part. The PNSO is real, and to be honest it goes both ways. I can't even stand to be around my wife, let alone have 'relations' with her.

If there was a way to only have the kids but not have the marriage, that would be the way to go.

I hate to admit it, but east coast is far and away the best troll on the boards right now.

OP: Some people want to get married and have kids, others don't. My opinions and choices are entirely my own, as your opinions and choices are entirely your own. If someone is hassling you about your choices, tell them to f$&k off. I would caution against assuming how the people you see with kids feel about having kids, it's often more complex than "deliriously happy" and "extremely depressed". Parents are just people trying to do their best, like all of us. Life with kids is just more life. Things change with kids, that's for certain. Also, the period when your kids are small is surprisingly short.

In my opinion I’ve seen both sides. Bottom line be happy with what you’ve been given, kids or no kids, marriage or no marriage. Look at your life in the “now”and be grateful for what you have and that’s called “life”. Everyday we can choose to be regretful or hopeful, sad or happy, wishing or wondering but at the end of the day...be peaceful within yourself and you will live a “richer” life.

Mr. Owl wrote:

- I was married for almost 10 years before having kids. The post-nuptial shutoff is real, and quite a bit more severe after having a baby.

I've been married 15 years and while we don't lie naked in bed f-ing all day (no joke we did that once when in our 20's, our record was 8) we still hit the hay 2-3 times a week regularly, 4-5 is not out of the question. And we have two kids.

Maybe I'm lucky I don't know. But we ended up getting in routine: morning sex, breakfast after. Other times she tells me if I bring home dinner I'm getting lucky. Like don't you guys have a thing?

Don't get me wrong... 95% is married sex. A massage followed by mostly missionary with a nighty on top. It will take a couple glasses of wine to bring out that girl in the 20s. But we know each other and what feels good. Still frequency is not a problem.

I'm curious... how do you let this happen?

Married 32 years, divorced- very amicable. Two grown kids and I wouldn't trade my life.

My kids are the best accomplishment ever and my marriage was very happy for 25 years.

I'm lucky enough that I won't be old and alone.