Parent wants talented runner to quit - need arguments to convince her otherwise

Kid's life probably isn't great and it's a shame Mom is at minimum, hugely mistaken.

Focus on the Mom and her concerns. They will likely be bizarre. But, try to get them all clear. Ask the mother about positive things she sees in the child. Get to know the mother a bit. Try to get a feel for the home life without prying.

At a second meeting, work some more on gaining her trust. "These were your concerns..." "Here is how we address those.." Let's check on these 4 weeks from now with another meeting.

I'd explain since her daughter is hanging out with the best and smartest kids in the school (Typically all HS XC teams attract the best students) expect her grades to drop if she quits. Sports, and in particular distance running teach exceptional time management skills.

Got any pics? (Of the mother). Single mom I presume. One way to get the mom's focus off her daughter is to redirect it to you. Tap it.

Are there any more reasons given by the mom? Is her mom fat?

Check to see if there are teachers in the school who your runner has talked to or have overheard her talking about positive impact of participating--just one more piece of information you can add to the disussion.

Let her see this...

https://youtu.be/AQ_XSHpIbZE

How about you assume that she knows her daughter better than you do and her interest is what is best for her daughter rather than a bullet item on a coach's CV?

You want to succeed?

Show her a path forward that meets her criteria?

1) improved GPA - refocus competitive spirit

2) awareness towards obsessive behavior

3) better understanding of how to deal with plateaus or losses

4) sincere apologies for not realizing these shortcomings earlier and appropriately dealing with them

pop-pop ... I will assume that you banged your head on the kitchen sink hard

Yeah, right - manipulate the parent advice. Best thing you could do.

Say it will look good on her college applications.

Say it teaches discipline and hard work. She just needs to learn how to channel it.

Say it's a source of self esteem.

But yeah, a 3.3 is seriously bad in almost any program even at the university level. Especially bad at the high school level.

Running isn't her future, so grades are paramount. I would just say though that if her grades suck now, removing running likely isn't the answer. She'll do something else in her free time.

Maybe the daughter has used running as an excuse not to do school work, and that's what the mom is concerned about.

Cal W. wrote:

Running increases self esteem. She'll be out partying bangin' dudes instead of running.

The counselor surprised me. Now days the message it to quit sports and focus all on school.

But let's be honest... This girl will likely marry & have kids and be a stay at home mom. So does it matter?

I'm guessing Asian family. 3.3 is failing. Nothing you can do if this is the case. She's not going to run next year unless her GPA hits 4.0. So if I were you I'd tell her to study more.

Now days?

pop_pop!_v2.2.1 wrote:

Kid's life probably isn't great and it's a shame Mom is at minimum, hugely mistaken.

Focus on the Mom and her concerns. They will likely be bizarre. But, try to get them all clear. Ask the mother about positive things she sees in the child. Get to know the mother a bit. Try to get a feel for the home life without prying.

At a second meeting, work some more on gaining her trust. "These were your concerns..." "Here is how we address those.." Let's check on these 4 weeks from now with another meeting.

Obviously, you are not a parent.

Tell her she is actually the love child between yourself and her mother. Her 'father' is in fact just her mother's husband.

You know what's best for your daughter.

Frustrated HS Coach wrote:

Her mother wants her to quit running, because "she's addicted" and her 3.33 GPA isn't good enough.

... I want to be prepared with evidence to demonstrate that allowing the daughter to run is the best decision.

You need to be honest with yourself here. If this girl is to make state, that will require more dedication to running, not less.

You need to address both of the mom's concerns, and you need to take the point of view that the mom is correct on both points.

So the girl is "addicted"? That could mean a lot of things, from wearing running clothes all the time, to hanging out with her teammates, all the way to eating disorder. You should point out that running is *like* an addiction, but it is not actually an addiction. Except for an eating disorder, it is not going to ruin the girl's life.

As for GPA, give some GPAs of other runners, to show that running is compatible with high GPA. Also make a joint plan to monitor the GPA and make practice and competition contingent upon improvement. If the running is a reward for better grades, the mom might get on board.

Your runner might think that running will get her a scholarship and a free pass on GPA/test scores to get into college. I fell for that in HS, but it was for music. Unfortunately, it really was true in music that GPA was not an issue for college. But for many schools, GPA can be an issue especially if the runner is not a national quality athlete, but still deserving of a spot on a decent team.

You might flip it around and tell the mom that you agree her grades are too low, but suggest that the runner get a second chance to do a season under "probation". If she does not get her GPA up, you will kick her off the team. You can also emphasize the fact that running is great exercise and cutting that out of her life could send her straight to the dead end kids who are messing around with drugs and booze. While runners are not pure as the driven snow, they do have real consequences for partying too hard and are more likely to make good decisions on staying way from the partying.

I had a similar situation back in HS, fortunately running won out

ask her mom if she wants her child to be unhappy - running for women is important for energy levels and metabolism, not to mention self-esteem, especially if she is doing so well - if she is forced to stop she is going to be mopey, super unhappy and gain weight

ask her mom if she is okay with dooming her child to that kind of harshness, because what if her GPA remains there despite the cost

plus won't her running look much better on her college applications among a sea of other applicants with around the same GPA?

obviously you have to start out being polite but if that's not getting through, don't be afraid to accuse the mom of trying to make her child miserable, logic might not be the best approach, go for the emotion of it all

Wow, complete opposite of the "little league syndrome". I'd play it like this... If a kid has the ability and desire, there's nothing you can do to stop them. If they don't have the ability and desire there's nothing you can do to give it to them. So my advice would be to cherish the moment because most parents would do anything to have their kids in your daughters shoes!

I was in nearly this exact situation in high school. My parents accused me of being addicted to running and tried to force me to quit many times.

I never did because I loved the sport (maybe I was addicted, hah). I found ways to get myself to practice and meets and if I couldn't I ran on my own. I always had straight As so they didn't have that excuse to pull me off the team.

You're probably not going to convince the parents, so I would just advise you to help her out as much as possible but respect her decision if she does choose to quit. It was really tough for me to be successful in school and athletics without their support, and she may not want to deal with it right now.

This thread is useless without pics of mom.

your best bet is to tell the mom that you will help the girl do better in school. set up homework and study sessions after practice

bridgeto wrote:

How about you assume that she knows her daughter better than you do and her interest is what is best for her daughter rather than a bullet item on a coach's CV?

You want to succeed?

Show her a path forward that meets her criteria?

1) improved GPA - refocus competitive spirit

2) awareness towards obsessive behavior

3) better understanding of how to deal with plateaus or losses

4) sincere apologies for not realizing these shortcomings earlier and appropriately dealing with them

pop-pop ... I will assume that you banged your head on the kitchen sink hard

Yeah, right - manipulate the parent advice. Best thing you could do.

Actually, you reposted my opinion using different words.

In either case, the objective is to influence the parent. Shame on me for calling it what it is.