HS Athlete Drinking

No.

Do nothing.

He was not caught. You should not dictate things that are outside of practice. If this has been affecting his performances or affecting his attendance, there is no reason to do anything.

Do not overreach. His mother should be parenting and controlling him, not his coach.

"He goes out and comes back drunk"

why doesn't she control him, she's his goddamn mother

I don't necessarily disagree with your opinion. But it is one of those things, now that it is brought to my attention, I do have clearly stated rules about it. He does not know that I know, as of now, but I feel like I should do something, again, since now I know. But, like I said, I understand and don't disagree with your advice.

NYITavaras wrote:

I don't necessarily disagree with your opinion. But it is one of those things, now that it is brought to my attention, I do have clearly stated rules about it. He does not know that I know, as of now, but I feel like I should do something, again, since now I know. But, like I said, I understand and don't disagree with your advice.

Seems a bit out of your pay grade... But that doesn't mean you should ignore it... Tell the mother to talk to her sons school counselor about the issue

cool kid wrote:

You should not dictate things that are outside of practice. If this has been affecting his performances or affecting his attendance, there is no reason to do anything.

God forbid a coach tell athletes what to do outside of practice, like "get some sleep, do your homework, eat healthy, and don't do stupid stuff."

Grow up kiddo. High school cross country is not about results above all.

I hate to say it but they are pretty useless as she tried this apparently. I wouldn't kick off since it is the first I am hearing of it, but I am debating holding him out of our championship race (possibly his last hs XC race). I don't know if this warrants that (I think it might) but it would certainly get the message across...We use to have big issues with a lot of kids with this when I first started and cleaned it up, so I do not want it going back there.

this makes no sense. the mother is trying to get the coach to do her job.

if the guy shows up with booze on his breath, take him off the team. if he's visibly hungover, bench him.

the mom has to say, "show up drunk again and you're forbidden to run and I will inform your running coach", then you have something and the mom gets control back

Right now, the mom needs to step up and be a mom and not make you the coach the tough guy.

Don't hold him out of the Championship race, that could only lead to worse behaviour.

Wait until the season is over and then sit down with him and have a talk about it.

Maybe his mom is just overreacting. Having a beer here or there doesn't hurt anybody (drinking age here is 16 and kids don't turn out to be worse adults than in the States).

have you ever thought about examining you own behavior? honestly, it seems you might need a little help. you are sleuthing a kid, it's high school. I drank at least 2 nights a week in high school, had a good time with my friends. that is what high school is about.

i also ran xc and did very well.

basically, it's noot about you. let the kid enjoy high school. you are being a primadona

NYITavaras wrote:

I don't necessarily disagree with your opinion. But it is one of those things, now that it is brought to my attention, I do have clearly stated rules about it. He does not know that I know, as of now, but I feel like I should do something, again, since now I know. But, like I said, I understand and don't disagree with your advice.

This is the mother's job, not yours.

And drinking in high school really isnt that big of a deal as long as it isnt all of the time... Part of growing up is taking too many shots of captains, throwing up the entire next day and realizing that it was a bad idea. The people that go over the top in college and get black out all of the time are often the people that havent made mistakes in high school and learned on their own.

Dont be a big puss. its just drinking. did it all the time in high school. actually showed hungover to a meet. won the mile haha. but thats just me.

I don't get why the mom is telling you to do something about it. Did she say nothing when he came home drunk? That is weak parenting. Unless the kid is coming to practice drunk, or running poorly, you should in no way be involved here.

toughlove: mom has no backbone wrote:

this makes no sense. the mother is trying to get the coach to do her job.

if the guy shows up with booze on his breath, take him off the team. if he's visibly hungover, bench him.

the mom has to say, "show up drunk again and you're forbidden to run and I will inform your running coach", then you have something and the mom gets control back

Right now, the mom needs to step up and be a mom and not make you the coach the tough guy.

This seems to be the consensus we have all come to. The mom asked for your help, so now you can tell her it needs to come from her.

BSCXC wrote:

Don't hold him out of the Championship race, that could only lead to worse behaviour.

Wait until the season is over and then sit down with him and have a talk about it.

Maybe his mom is just overreacting. Having a beer here or there doesn't hurt anybody (drinking age here is 16 and kids don't turn out to be worse adults than in the States).

I agree with this. If you don't know where the kid is at mentally, holding him out could just make matters worse. If you had a firm "the rules are the rules" stance it could be understood, but you have already given him that pass.

As an influential adult in the life of someone who I assume is still legally a child, don't you think it would be best to sit down and talk with him. Try to find out what is behind his reported behavior and actually help the kid.

Maybe he's fine. Maybe he's losing his shit. Maybe his mom is trying to use you to control him. Maybe all kinds of shit... Talk to the kid!

TurnItUp wrote:

As an influential adult in the life of someone who I assume is still legally a child, don't you think it would be best to sit down and talk with him. Try to find out what is behind his reported behavior and actually help the kid.

Yep. Talk to him, but leave the parenting to the parent.

It's bizarre to me, but some parents try to outsource so much of their parenting. A friend of mine did his pediatrics rotation recently in med school. One of the things that constantly pissed him off was parents of even younger kids than this acting like they were consultants to their children rather than authority figures. "Yes, I understand that my enormously fat 8-year-old should eat less sugar, and I get that his health problems are entirely a result of his diet and lack of exercise, but he just insists on drinking nothing but soda and playing video games 8 hours/day. YOU need to do something, 'cause he won't listen to me."

BSCXC wrote:

Don't hold him out of the Championship race, that could only lead to worse behaviour.

This is a soft attitude.

If correcting him now would lead to "worse behavior", then you're negotiating with a terrorist.

He's a high school boy. He needs to be pulled from competition. I don't know a single school that has an athletic handbook that would not recommend the same.

His behavior is not in his best interest as an athlete. Pull him now, notify the administration, confront him with your decision and concerns, tell his mother, and clean your hands of it.

cool kid wrote:

No.

Do nothing.

He was not caught. You should not dictate things that are outside of practice. If this has been affecting his performances or affecting his attendance, there is no reason to do anything.

Do not overreach. His mother should be parenting and controlling him, not his coach.

"He goes out and comes back drunk"

why doesn't she control him, she's his goddamn mother

Parents fail. On a regular basis. Others acting in parentis have to step in. The kid's behavior flies directly in the face of his goals not to mention his physical health. Only the most timid/inept coach would think he does not have a role in a situation like this.

I appreciate all of the opinions,

In a new twist, he apparently is refusing to go to school now and she told him that she is telling me everything, so he now knows that I know. I do very much feel like a lot of the parenting is being passed to me, but now that he knows I know everything (there are a bunch of other things) including the drinking, I am debating what to do. Besides the fact, if you miss school, you technically aren't allowed to practice. The whole situation blows and puts me in an awkward position...

In my eyes you have two choices... the first is confront the kid right now and bench him from the race... the second is wait and do it after the big race... If any of your other athletes find out that you knew and did nothing your own authority on your team will be questioned... If you tell the athlete you found out after the race and it was too late to bench him you might be able to get away with it... think about the long term effects this could potentially have with younger athletes... what message does this send to them?

treeline wrote:

Parents fail. On a regular basis. Others acting in parentis have to step in. The kid's behavior flies directly in the face of his goals not to mention his physical health. Only the most timid/inept coach would think he does not have a role in a situation like this.

This is exactly the line of thinking that leads schools to think that the need to (and have the right to) take over parenting responsibilities for all parents. I don't want my kids' school to be the parent. I want to be the parent, and I want the school to be the school. I'm sorry that some parents don't take their responsibility seriously, but their failure shouldn't be used to justify school intrusion into family life.