It is my wife's turn to hold her family Thanksgiving this year. Last year we traveled to my relatives with no major issues other than griping, sniping, and grumbling from her family.
The last Thanksgiving I went to with her family basically runs down like this:
her mother and she and her siblings aren't on the best of terms ever to say the least, but they all make a show of "being able to get together" and they never address or resolve any differences or conflict. So once they resolve the argument over where to hold it, who cooks what, and what time it is, they have apparent peace, but in reality it is just resentment and sniping building up to a boiling point for Thanksgiving Day. Comments about how the food doesn't taste right and what food is missing etc. start it off. Then comments to the kids like "don't do that, your uncle/aunt is uptight and that kind of play upsets him" (they were loading, cranking, and shooting bbs guns in the house and ruining drywall). If I say nothing my wife says I am not defending her, if I say something she starts defending her family. No win situation.
This year my wife got a call asking if Thanksgiving was at our house from the black sheep (if that is possible in this family) who stole from the grandparents and doesn't really get along with anyone. So we think they may show up which will probably cause a fistfight. Amongst the regular dysfunctionals, this year's looming surface argument is about whether or not to say grace, when to say, it what to say, and how. Apparently my new brother-in-law is agnostic (supposedly in your face) and a sister-in-law is Jewish. A niece is dating someone they "think he may be a Muslim" (no one apparently is smart enough to just ask). So my wife is hearing from the family that if there is a simple grace that we will tick off just about everyone. I suggested a short and sweet "Thank you for bringing us all together as a family, as we think of family afar and departed that we remember and are prayerful for, we are especially thankful for the bounty of our table and our lives, and we pray or hold our thoughts in our heart in silence for moment ... thank you" Seems as non-denominational etc. as it can get. Apparently, next the plan was that people will take turns, so we can have a Muslim, a Hebrew, ours, and an agnostic point of view/blessing shared. Now we are being given the word that people will not attend or walk if that goes down, and apparently words have been exchanged between family members.
I told my wife it is my house, she says "our", and that at some point we have to make the rules and decisions because her dysfunctional family cannot. Of course she cries etc. etc. Somehow I am beginning to be the bad guy, because since it is at my house everyone holds me responsible for their family nonsense. At this point I am just gonna say nothing and when it comes time to serve either say what I originally proposed or just do a toast and say "Thank you all for coming to our house, we are grateful to all of you being here to help our children learn respect and honor for family, and know that today will be a great day to remember our togetherness."
I expect nuclear armageddon to ensue no matter what I do. Given the ramblings and dysfunction on this board, seems I probably am not the first to face these questions so I got two:
1. anyone got a better suggestion on the grace issue, besides going out for a long run the whole day?
2. when should someone call the police on a family fight on thanksgiving? Unfortunately, this is a real question cause it is 50/50 that they will be blows.
Unhappy Thanksgiving - Uninvited Relatives, Strife, and Misery
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Any open seats at your T-giving table this year? I'd like to come and watch the train wreck.
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It IS your house. They are your guests. If they can't be gracious, then that's their problem. I've held that line from day one and while it was a little rocky at first. My in-laws now know the house rules and everyone gets along well. In fact, it is your responsibility as a host to set the tone of the visit. If you are a parent, then you should know how to redirect bad behavior.
I am all about being considerate and hospitable, but as soon as Grandpa decides to hold his own Rush Limbaugh show at my table, I am going to call him out. Clearly and politely. Honestly, as soon as you point out the elephant in the room, everyone is a little shocked and they get over it. If you don't set the tone, your guests will set it for you. If your wife wants to facilitate this BS, tell her she can do it somewhere else. -
Appears that the problem here is people care too much about the feelings of other family members. Took me several years, but I finally convinced my wife that it really doesn't matter if her mom or sister gets ticked off because the cranberry sauce is fresh and not canned or vice versa. If you really want to enjoy the full on thanksgiving experience, start drinking as soon as you get home from your turkey trot and try not to care what anyone else thinks. First, its very liberating, and second, it gives you a lot to laugh about after everybody leaves (i.e. could you believe your mom actually said that???). My brother is on a gluten free, vegan, non dairy diet where he eats very little except lettuce and various beans. I always start off the festivities with as many diet jokes as I can, and once even served a bowl of fresh lawn clippings for him.
once you stop giving a $hit about what others think, it really can be fun!
Oh, and I'd check the bb guns at the door. that's a bit too much. -
i actually went to a Thanksgiving dinner one year that was basically a trap laid out to conduct an intervention for my cousin. it went well for 2 hours, then the intervention started at the dinner table, he threw his plate, it bounced into our grandmother. Our grandfather, very old school, got up every one got quiet and told him to step aside with him. 2 minutes later granddad is on the deck and we see him punch my cousin. Cousin is out cold. When he comes too, he gets into it with his brother, the police are called because he takes off with his brother's car and keys. Cousin avoids the grand theft auto charge but had drugs on him and did 30 days on possession for that.
Ahhhhhh ..... Thanksgiving -
Skip the misery. Take the whole family to redlobster. Instead of a prayer, have a "Cracking of crab legs".
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what the f*ck?! this is 2014, who the hell still says grace AND WHO THE HELL CARES THE WAY IT IS DONE?
You sound like you deserve the family you got/married to. Let me guess: white thrash?! Church goers to pretend you have some sense of morality? pfff pluuuuueeeeeeeeeaaaaassssssssssseeeeee -
I don't believe you wrote all that, your screwed. Unless
You get up early and go beat on yourself for a good 10 mile run hard !!!! Then just sit back and let the good times roll. -
Man up, say F thanksgiving and just order pizza with the kids this year. F all the family drama.
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Too many democrats in these families.
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At least you don't have to drop $1,500 on plane tickets and thousands on hotels and car rental to be miserable. I spent major bank visiting in-laws last year. After the visit, which did not even seem that bad, my sister-in-law sends my wife a four page assessment of our behavior on the visit. The sisters are not talking anymore.
I have basically given up on family and just endure it and get it over with. I stay quiet and do not take any bait. Of course, I was cited in the last visit for being too quiet, but I am fine with that as it isn't nearly as bad as when I try to say anything.
The best thing you can do is to abandon all expectations and just resign yourself to getting through it. Nothing you do will make it any better. It is just going to suck. -
gun totin' rednecks wrote:
Any open seats at your T-giving table this year? I'd like to come and watch the train wreck.
I will pick you up. OP can put us at a kids table. -
NonHyphenatedAmerican wrote:
Too many democrats in these families.
The last thing Democrats care about is what kind of grace is said, or how many. 0/100 -
Linsanity wrote:
gun totin' rednecks wrote:
Any open seats at your T-giving table this year? I'd like to come and watch the train wreck.
I will pick you up. OP can put us at a kids table.
Thinking if it is good weather I will set up a kids table out on the deck and just set up out there with the kids, and leave the adults to themselves. -
Spike the eggnog
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Turkey Runner wrote:
Linsanity wrote:
gun totin' rednecks wrote:
Any open seats at your T-giving table this year? I'd like to come and watch the train wreck.
I will pick you up. OP can put us at a kids table.
Thinking if it is good weather I will set up a kids table out on the deck and just set up out there with the kids, and leave the adults to themselves.
Sounds like fun. Most kids have better social graces than adults anyway. -
What no gay prayer? You intolerant twit. I hope you burn your bird.
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Pics of the whole dysfunctional mess otherwise it didn't happen
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Turkey Runner wrote:
Apparently my new brother-in-law is agnostic (supposedly in your face)
"In your face agnostic"? How is that even possible? Does he yell about he just doesn't know in an angry tone? Wonder in an insulting manner? -
Well-crafted! I'll give you 8/10.
You lost me here, "I told my wife it is my house, she says "our""
