Girlfriend is concerned about spirits and demons...I'm questioning our relationship (I need help)

Dump her ASAP she's going to cheat on you with some voodoo pagan because he "is one with the spirits."

Gently explain to your girlfriend that preoccupation with this sort of stuff...and making a big deal about it...by being dramatic and focusing on it...actually attracts these sort of strange, degrading experiences.

So whether or not a person believes in this sort of stuff is no reason to focus on it...by watching TV shows based in fear etc..

It's all real. But just because a person is getting pushed around in the dream state doesn't make it OK and it doesn't mean they are absolved of responsibility. They have to suck it up and be strong in spirit at all times.

Try that...

i dated an amazing lady for a few weeks

we had a discussion after some wine where she explained that she was optimistic about the likelyhood of ghosts, spirits, and god influencing her life.

i broke up with her the next day

So you are saying she could be seriously going through something...but she needs to stop dwelling on it?

In my opinion, this is crazy...and questions the stability of our relationship...I question her. But if enough people are going to tell me she isn't crazy....that maybe she has reason to be frightened...then okay. I need to hear people say that.

I'm pretty confused.

What is the big deal if she believes in that stuff? How does it harm your relationship?

But more importantly, she was raped by a ghost???

Yes...I know it's a bit weird...but she could well be going through something. However, she's playing a big part in attracting that kind of experience by watching all those shows etc and having a fascination with the whole thing...if that makes sense.

Whether you stay with her or go is up to you and how you feel about her...not what we say. She's not nuts but she may be doing all this to feel special.

Maybe try to offer her solutions...like don't watch scary shit...focus on friendly, funny things before bed. Hell...give her a bottle of lavender and tell her to put a little on herself. At the very least she'll smell nice.

If she's not interested in solutions...then she just wants the attention.

Don't take it too seriously...good luck...

Hi,

I don't have an opinion on what you should 'do' with regards to the relationship.

Regardless of what's to come in the future, it seems like you're finding this difficult, and I have empathy for your struggle and your girlfriend's struggle.

I do have plenty of experience that suggests that your girlfriend is far from alone in having these types of experiences. She won't be the first person to struggle to get grounded, helpful counseling or advice on these experiences, especially in modern day times when these experiences are seen as so crazy by so many. You guys are in a struggle, and it's a struggle others have had, but it's not a struggle that everyone recovers from.

For context, and to learn more about these phenomena, I can suggest a couple books and authors, both of whom are intellectually developed scholars, though obviously dealing with topics that are often marginal and marginalized.

'Supernatural: Meetings with the Ancient Teachers of Mankind' by Graham Hancock. (you can find Graham's recent TED talk somewhere on YouTube) This book contains dozens of accounts similar to your girlfriend's, from across cultures and time periods, including modern and medieval Europe. Might be good - if you are aiming to maintain the relationship - by seeing that these experiences are by no means a sign of pathological craziness or even events that are extraordinarily 'out there'. I mean, they're powerful and strange, but other people have had experiences remarkably similar to the ones you're describing, and these have been well documented. As a note of context, in some cultures, her experience would be celebrated as the beginning of a shamanic initiation, potentially leading her to be a powerful healer, hunter, wise woman, etc. I know that can sound ridiculous in a culture that routinely scoffs and huffs and puffs at experiences like hers, but that's kinda how it is, in a generalized sense.

Check out books and videos on sleep paralysis and other disturbing dream events, by Ryan Hurd. You can also check out his blog. He specializes in sleep paralysis and disturbing sleep events, without marginalizing them or calling them crazy. I know Ryan personally and believe he might respond to an email from you if you wanted direct advice or counsel, since he is probably the world's leading modern researcher on sleep paralysis, an event which often is accompanied by the presence of an intense spirit and can be incredibly frightening. These experiences can be worked with and changed!!

Since lucid dreaming may be a way that your girlfriend can get a bit more power in her situation, I would recommend Robert Waggoner's book 'Lucid Dreaming: Gateway to the Inner Self', to explore the many challenges and possibilities within the lucid dreaming experience. Hurd is also an expert and scholar on lucid dreaming.

Most of these book can be on your e-reader probably within minutes.

Big hug of support,

x

I would not date someone who believed in that stuff let alone took it to the extreme of your girlfriend. Sounds like she's crazy, and I would advise you to distance yourself from her, as hard as that may be. Unless she has a 180 degree turnaround, but that is unlikely.

asdfadsf wrote:

Dump her ASAP she's going to cheat on you with some voodoo pagan because he "is one with the spirits."

Pics would help us truly give you a truthful answer. How hot is she?

Really though, the guy who posted this is right on.

henry4life wrote:

Do others believe in this stuff?

Nope. Nobody believes in spirits.

Those that do are just trying to explain the unexplainables with a simpler unexplainable. They are aware of things that conventional wisdom can't describe, so they attach an idea to it to give it form and description. Usually the idea is anthropomorphic, as spirits are kind of like disembodied people. Or it could be aliens from outer space with a mind control ray. Or it could be ESP where someone's thoughts were messing with her mind.

Whether any of these things are real or can happen is not important, what matters is they're all distortions of actual experience. Experience is best handled objectively, not through a lens of interpretation.

And you will never, ever explain all the unexplainables. Nobody ever has, nobody ever will. Not religious people, not scientists, not even philosophers. Those who try to mostly end up seeking the answers to stupid questions, tree in the forest, meaning of life, origin of the universe and so forth.

Yeah, your girlfriend's mind is going through some loops. Maybe not entirely her fault, but it seems that she is (not really intentionally) bringing a lot of it on herself by spending so much time thinking about this stuff, reading into it, watching TV shows. When you immerse yourself in anything, your brain can make it very real.

Case in point: My freshman year of college I was such a nerd that at one point I binged not on alcohol and sex but Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic games so hard that at its peak, for several consecutive nights I had pretty vivid dreams of myself in that Star Wars universe, being a Jedi. Now of course I knew what was going on (and was rather ashamed of it) so didn't get trapped into a spiral of believing I really was a Jedi, as your girlfriend is really believing she is communicating with "spirits", but I can see how one could inadvertently take themselves down that path, when it is something that some people do tend to at least sort of believe in, like spirits.

As you can probably tell with the whole Star Wars thing, I don't have much advice from the relationship angle of it. Maybe you could tell your girlfriend my story and she'll laugh her way out of her predicament. Good luck.

your a guy ok wrote:

i dated an amazing lady for a few weeks

we had a discussion after some wine where she explained that she was optimistic about the likelyhood of ghosts, spirits, and god influencing her life. I

broke up with her the next day

I have almost the same story. We had a great summer romance with weekend getaways and tons of chemistry and passion. Just had a few conversations along the way about "her psychic." I tried hard to brush it off, but when I was honest with myself I knew I would always be embarrassed to be with an adult who believed in magic. It was a tough breakup where I came across as cold and unfeeling. But I knew I wouldn't be doing either of us any favors buy letting it drag on.

It sounds like your girlfriend, OP, may have more serious problems. I would be a bit worried about schizophrenia.

Good News: If you dump her, she'll think it was a spirit or demon that caused the break up & may not blame you.

Bad News: She may curse you for life with a libido killing nasty spirit.

Don't mess around with the spirit world. That's all I have to say. Watch some youube videos of people who used to be into it.

The mind is pretty powerful. If she believes all this stuff she'll just continue to mentally create experiences to reinforce her beliefs.

Krishnamurti (who 'believed' in nothing) once said he tried an experiment...he picked up a rock one day on his daily walk, put it on a shelf, and treated it as some sort of sacred object. He was amazed at how significant it soon became. And he was a person who 'knew' the ridiculousness of that sort of worship.

I agree with all those who have suggested you convince her to quit watching TV shows and talking to people who believe this nonsense. If she's not already crazy, she's well on her way.

Spiritual realities exist. Whether your girlfriend is having authentic contact with this realm is another question, but it is not impossible. For those who believe in only material reality, I would note this: point to a concept or try to grab a thought. Thoughts, concepts, and the like are immaterial realities. They have no material structure or "mass," but they exist. Spiritual beings are of this category. If you love your girlfriend, you should take an open-mined approach to this issue. People are open-minded about almost anything today, so why not do likewise in regard to spiritual realities? I am not saying you should be a fool. I am saying that this is an interesting subject that is worth exploring. Acts of patience and kindness can never be wrong.

My grandparents were Spiritualists, and so were many others.

This was all natural stuff about 90 years ago.

"By 1897, Spiritualism was said to have more than eight million followers in the United States and Europe, mostly drawn from the middle and upper classes." Wiki

outsiderunner wrote:

For those who believe in only material reality, I would note this: point to a concept or try to grab a thought. Thoughts, concepts, and the like are immaterial realities.

They're electrochemical patterns in your brain.

Spiritual realities? In what realm of the physical world? The whole idea of anything spiritual just boggles me because none of it can be seen, heard, felt, tasted, etc. All this nonsense is based on anecdotal evidence, none of which can be observed, tested, and proven in the real world...