How to talk to an injured runner if you've never been injured.

healthyasahorse wrote:

How the heck do you talk to someone that doesn't even want to hear solutions to their problems. Gah!

A lot of times women or really people in general don't want to hear solutions they just want you to listen to them vent.

Correct- your sister wants a little sympathy ("I know how hard it is for you to be injured, etc etc") and a pat on the shoulder. She knows what the solution is and isn't very happy about it! That's why women talk to their best friends when they have a problem and rarely approach their boyfriend/husband about it first. Just listen to her vent and give her sympathetic responses.

tell them the truth.

they only got injured because they have bad form.

or increased mileage too fast.

Unfortunately, the truth hurts. Can't help them.

she would be really offended if I told her she had bad form, cause she takes her running so seriously. She's a decent runner high 18s 5k but has no sense of training pace, mileage increase or a healthy diet. She recently has got into that whole frozen yogurt and coffee thing instead of actual food.

But anyway, I'll try out just listening and being sympathetic tomorrow. It feels so pointless, but Id rather that than arguments or cold silence.

This isn't an injured/never been injured divide. This is a gender gap. Welcome to the real world. Women like to vent. They want to air out their feelings. It makes them feel better. Men have a natural compulsion to "solve" problems. They think that if you talk about a problem, you must seek a solution else the talk is not productive and therefore pointless. When the woman talks about her problem, she is simply trying to make herself feel better. If a man suddenly starts throwing out suggested solutions, she feels that he is dismissing or trivializing her problem as something easily solved. You can't solve her problem. She just needs to wait, per medical advice, for the bone to heal. If she's feeling frustrated she wants you to agree with her about how much her situation sucks. She doesn't want you to start telling her what she did wrong to cause the fracture. She's already got the fracture. She just wants you to listen and say "yeah, it sucks." If you go too far in the direction of saying "it's not a big deal, you will be back on your feet soon," she will hear this as your trivializing her problem. Any questions? I hate to give props to watered down pop pyschology, but this really is a mars/venus situations. If you make any suggestions, they should trend more towards cross training, yoga and other things she can do to stay fit and use her downtime productively. Also worth noting, injuries for men mean loss of fitness. For women who run, injuries can also mean weight gain and changes to their figure which further a depression already fueled by a withdrawal from exercise. She should also use the down time to better herself in other ways - boost her grades - read more - get herself into a better college. Usually running requires sacrifices. Now is her change to learn something new or devote herself to something she has neglected (i.e. and instrument if she plays one).

You sound like a really good guy.

I have another idea.

Why don't you encourage your sister to talk to someone who has dealt with a major injury. Sometimes commiseration really does help. If there aren't any guys on your team who have suffered set backs, tell her to post here.

Pics?

Thanks, there has been some really good advice on this thread. The sympathy stuff has actually worked. After she vents, I sympathize, we just move on and talk about other stuff which is great. I also told her I'd do some cross training with her on weekends, and she seemed to like that idea. its weird, like she had to be reassured Im on her side.

I agree it might be a gender issue, too. I told her to talk to some of the other inured girls, (because the guys would be similar to me in their advice). The sudden interest in coffee/ fat free frozen yogurt is probably due to fear of gaining weight, but thats not something we'd ever actually talk about. Ill leave it up to the coach to tell her to eat right.

Pics?

oh here you go

http://www.google.com/imgresimgurl=&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Frunning4thehigh.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F46080373123%2F800meters-jordan-hasay-feat-her-magical-pony&h=0&w=0&tbnid=dOJr50IOLktyQM&tbnh=275&tbnw=183&zoom=1&docid=M6gtDVus4N6k1M&ei=6KsYU6OIFpT82gXbtYAw&ved=0CA4QsCUoBA

Ha! Are you kidding? What kind of perv would post pics of his sister on LRC?