Need advice on how to deal with spousal issues

How early can you get up? I'm home before the kids need to get going, but it's not always easy. Plus, if the kids clothes are already picked and laid out, and breakfast is already planned, it makes the mornings seem less rushed.

Heck, just don't get married.

I think you need to start looking at this a little differently. It sounds like your wife is being pretty reasonable. You may be the one that needs to "get with the program." I know this from personal experience: treating your wife like she's a nag when she's making very reasonable requests can lead to disaster. Be careful, my friend, these are the years you have to prioritize your family. First figure out what's necessary on that front, and then fit the marathon training in on top of that, if you can.

I am in a somewhat similar situation.

I get up earlier. I put in ~60 hours a week and during the winter my weekends are booked for family activities(ski team for my son). I get up sometimes as early as 4am to put in my long run on Fridays.

Married woman here. I don't have kids, but I still understand your wife's concern. Is there any way to get her into running somehow? Buy her some cool running shoes and clothes and have her walk while you run on weekends--like a family affair or something? Or have her bike with the kids while you run?

You might want to share some literature with her re: the effects of training in afternoon heat, including dehydration, heat exhaustion and heat stroke.

Or what about waking earlier or running immediately after work?

Talk to her. Might she be unhappy about something else? Usually a little bit of attention and sweet talking goes a long way with us wives. Ditto with shared experiences.

My hubbie likes to fly planes and I hate flying (thankfully we both like running). Still, I know he must go flying or he will be unhappy. I have learned where he draws the line and vice versa. Just work to find a compromise that works for both of you. Don't be silent, but don't be mean, either. Just continue expressing that you need/want to run earlier and X miles per week, or X hours per day. Ask her how you can do that and still make her happy? But don't stay silent and then feel resentment. Talk, sweet talk, hug, kiss, talk, sweet talk, hug, kiss, keep repeating . . .

Are marathons payin' the bills? If not than maybe you should back off on the training and spend more time with your family. If your training has a negative impact on your family, then it's time to get your priorities straight. I mean, I can understand that running is a big deal for you, but if you have to sacrafice something, then it should be running. But if you can figure out a way to run AND be there for your wife and children, then kudos to you.

Try wrote:

I think you need to start looking at this a little differently. It sounds like your wife is being pretty reasonable. You may be the one that needs to "get with the program."

I'm a single guy, so maybe that disqualifies me from giving advice on this topic, but I agree with "Try." Your wife sounds pretty reasonable about all of this.

Dude, it's just running. But she isn't "just" your wife. When you're 60 are you or anyone going to care how fast you ran a marathon? Are your kids?

Try wrote:

I think you need to start looking at this a little differently. It sounds like your wife is being pretty reasonable. You may be the one that needs to "get with the program." I know this from personal experience: treating your wife like she's a nag when she's making very reasonable requests can lead to disaster. Be careful, my friend, these are the years you have to prioritize your family. First figure out what's necessary on that front, and then fit the marathon training in on top of that, if you can.

Well said, mon ami. Make the family-- especially your kids-- priority one. Maximize the time you spend with your sons for their benefit and yours. Before you know it, they'll be grown and gone (read the words to that old Harry Chapin song). It's a challenge to get the workouts in, but if you're thoughtful and creative and if you're willing to go to bed early and get up early you'll get it done. Be a great father, then train. Good luck.

Christ. What kind of wimpy advice is this? I thought this was a message board for SERIOUS runners.

Next time I need help, I'll post a question on lets-golf.com.

I am in the same boat. I likely do not live in a climate that is as hot as yours, but I have bartered my way into 45-60 minutes on Saturday and 90-150 minutes on Sunday morning when training for big races. During the week I run at lunch - outside, year round. You should consider hitting an indoor track or even a treadmill for your midweek runs in the summer if it is too hot outside. You can get your mileage in and save yourself a lot of hassle. I love running but I hardly look at the task of helping out with my two kids in the morning as a giant burden. I seriously doubt you are going to 'win' with your wife and get prime midweek morning running time if your wife wants you to pitch in - so don't bother starting the fight. And of course there is always the option of running at night after the kids are in bed, especially in summmer. Balance and common sense will help you with running and, oh yeah, your family! I expect you would get more sympathy from 'letsgolf.com' - those assholes regularily screw off for 6+ hours on Saturday and Sunday, small kids or not. And they are fat and smoke and drink while playing their 'sport' - but that is a different discussion.

henpecked-

all you need to do is eat a little pussy every once in a while and she'll let you run as much as you want. just take care of business a few times a week and you'll be golden.

chuck d wrote:

henpecked-

all you need to do is eat a little pussy every once in a while and she'll let you run as much as you want. just take care of business a few times a week and you'll be golden.

chuck d,

I'm guessing you've never been married. If only it were

that easy.

no, i'm not married but i wasn't being serious, either. since he refused to take the sensible (to me, at least) advice of "don't be selfish and help take care of your kids" i figured maybe playing to his sexual "prowess" might help.

Henpecked wrote:

Christ. What kind of wimpy advice is this? I thought this was a message board for SERIOUS runners.

Next time I need help, I'll post a question on lets-golf.com.

This is realistic advice my friend. Being a serious runner and going after your goals is admirable. But your training schedule must conform to the responsiblities of parenthood, not vice versa. If you shortchange your family for workouts under optimal conditions every day, you will eventually regret it.

My twins are four years old. The day's not off to a good start if I don't have breakfast with them before going to work. And I hate to miss dinner, so I don't run after work (optimal time for me) on a regular basis. I end up doing a number of workouts after they go to bed around eight. Option B is to turn off the tube and hit the sack at 8-9 PM, then get up at 5 AM to get it done. Doesn't leave much free time most days, but that's the price of being a good dad and running well. Good luck.

Get a good treadmill and a do portion of your running when kids are doing homework or watching tv or have gone to bed.

HAMMER two workouts per week - you will be able to reduce volume by a bit and get the same conditioning benefits.

Maybe there are some things that you can do at night, to help her out with the morning routine.

Ex. make the kids lunches, lay out their school clothes and get their backpacks ready. Maybe you can set up or make breakfast before you leave for your run.

You have to compromise here. Your wife shouldn't have to take over all of the morning chores, just because you love your sport.

She sounds pretty cool to me, you want to keep her happy.

chuck is right, you have to "mow the carpet" the night before you want to go on a long weekend run. It is only the fair thing to do... give a little to get a little.

Henpecked wrote:

Christ. What kind of wimpy advice is this? I thought this was a message board for SERIOUS runners.

Learn the hard way. See if I care.

If this is the attitude you bring to your marriage, either it won't last, or you married a door mat. Either way, I don't envy you.