I made a decision tonight.
I can't give up on my passion.
Running is without a doubt one of my life's passions. I really struggled with a love/hate relationship with track during high school, because I put so much of my mental energy into it that it hurt sometimes. I would judge myself based on my races and get so angry when I would be injured, get nervous before races and even sometimes workouts, etc. etc. However, toward the end of my career I began to be able to control my nervousness and general "uptightness" and to "enjoy" the sport more.
I've been considering stopping competitive running after HS. I still think I am going to take my freshman year off to build up my mileage (my mileage is sad - 30-40 a week, I am very injury prone and would be useless to a college program with my current lifetime base). But I was just thinking about my running career and what all running as done for me, and so many of the best days of my life were thanks to running.
I started running in middle school because I was fat. I ran over 10:00 minutes in the mile. However, I ran every day the following summer and dropped the weight. I eventually joined the track team and ended up a 4:20 miler my senior year. My first day back at school post-weight loss, the first time I broke 5:00 in the mile, and winning a team state title, among other events, comprised some of the greatest days of my life up to this point. How can I give that up, that feeling of accomplishment?
I watch every single track broadcast/movie/trackhead DVD that I can get my hands on. I've read all the training books, Once a Runner, and all of that. I have the obligatory Pre poster. I have TnFN centerfolds posted all around my room: Bekele, Webb, Coe.
What I didn't understand during my HS career was how much track made me happy. This summer with no running goals to shoot for I realized something: in HS I focused on how bad I felt after a poor race or a bad workout, and I thought that that couldn't healthy. Maybe it isn't healthy. But what I didn't understand was the immense joy that I felt every time I DID achieve my goals, and really, I achieved them more than I didn't. That feeling of a great race or a great workout cannot be duplicated.
I have potential... I want to see what I can do. What if I could've run sub-4 or sub-14:00, but never did because I checked out too early? If I can't handle the mental stress of class and workouts during the week while in college, then I will do my workouts on Friday afternoons and Sunday mornings, but I must continue my journey. I've come too far to stop now, maybe there is a plan for me too great to understand at this point. But how could I give up this passion?
I'm not going to.
I urge you all to reexamine why you come to these boards every day, why your heart raced (no pun intended) while watching Webb destroy the field on Sunday, and why you run.
Share your thoughts with me.