Asking my girlfriend’s Dad for his blessing to marry

Just say you're going to propose and that her parents' blessing would mean a lot to both of you. In 2012 you are simply extending a traditional courtesy but you are not literally asking his permission to marry a grown adult woman, so there is no need to be nervous.

no need to be nervous

- start by saying her you appreciate all the work he & his wife (or her mothre) did raising such a lovely young lady

- express that you and his daughter have been in a serious stage for past X months and have talked about commitment and progressing in your relationship

- state that your intention is to spend the rest of your life with his daughter and that you look forward to being able to provide for her (yea yea..i know you pro-feminist dudes will say this is antiquated language, but trust that any father wants to hear this)

- ask him respectfully for his daughter's hand

Get together with him and watch 'Fiddler on the Roof'.

Then ask for his blessing. He will probably be OK with it.

is she his possession? if not, don't ask.

I hope X is large (X>5-6)

She's a grown woman and it ain't none of his business.

Also, don't do it. If you do do it, sign a prenup.

just tell him that since you are already boning his daughter this is the next logical step, amirite?! Then hold up the high five until he hits it.

how come it's never the moms that get asked? they're usually the ones that care.

If you're going to ask for permission, you should be prepared to put the engagement on ice if he declines to give his blessing. If you aren't going to respect his verdict, then don't ask.

might be wejo wrote:

how come it's never the moms that get asked? they're usually the ones that care.

I did. My wife was raised by a single mother, and it was her mother who walked her down the aisle.

* wrote:

Get together with him and watch 'Fiddler on the Roof'.

Then ask for his blessing. He will probably be OK with it.

Oh god not that movie...

Proposal imminent wrote:

I’m looking for a little advice for those of you that have been through this process. How should I frame the conversation? Is there anything I should consider to make me less nervous? Should this even be a difficult conversation? What questions should I be prepared to answer? Other thoughts?

I recently got married and asked both Father and Mother for their blessing (their divorced). It wasn't to ask permission, but more out of courtesy and respect for them to know and to understand my intentions. There is really no framing of the conversation. You have to meet with him and go to it. I'd just call him and tell him you need to talk about something important.

The one thing that helped me was asking myself the question "If he says no will I still marry her/what will I do"? My answer was yes and I'll still go forward with my plan. The conversation will be slightly uncomfortable regardless of your relationship with him. Without knowing him I'd be prepared to answer questions about how you see your future, why you want to get married, what makes you think your ready and other questions of that nature. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.

It's okay to directly ask them if they have any concerns. What they say may not exactly make you happy, but they are more likely to be okay with things if they had an opportunity to air their grievances, as it presents you with a chance to address that in the next few days or years.

I have many siblings. One was dating a guy who worked at a liquor store. My family liked him well enough, but his job was a serious concern. Aside from it not paying much, it didn't say much for the guy's ambition and it was a dangerous job (he lied to my parents about how often the store got held up). My parents used the opportunity to tell him that they saw his job as something undesirable for the husband of their daughter. They didn't argue that they two had something special and more or less "blessed" it.

A couple of years later he got another job, they have kids, get along well, and I don't think anyone doubts it's a good marriage.

You want to come across as humble and able to take advice, but stalwart in the belief that you and their daughter enrich each other in a way you are determined to pursue for the rest of your life.

Please read the post nuptual shut off thread a few days back. Thank you.

Don't do it! Be the alpha dog, you run the show here! Ask here for her hand in marriage and then let her show it off to her parents when you roll up into his joint to tell him his daughter is yours!

Andre2004 wrote:

If you're going to ask for permission, you should be prepared to put the engagement on ice if he declines to give his blessing. If you aren't going to respect his verdict, then don't ask.

I think this is actually good advice, but probably for a different reason.

It is always good to ask your future wife's parents for their blessing. It is a show of respect and believe it or not, every one of you losers will still consider your daughter "your baby girl" when she is of age to marry. Sure, she is a grown adult, but you still concern yourself with her every move.

Anyway, I would agree with the above statement because entering into a marriage with a woman whose family hates you is a grave mistake. This is her family, and you may win out in the end, but there will always be resentment. If he says no, try to figure out why and make good with him prior to tying the knot.

When you marry someone, you marry their family.

Do people still do this? Obviously you need to let the parents know eventually, but asking *them* first is putting the cart before the horse. You aren't marrying them; you are marrying the daughter. Ask the daughter and then tell the parents.

Absolutely agree with both these statements. When I ask my girlfriend to marry me (happening soon), I will respectively ask her father's blessing. I have no reason to believe he will not give it BUT if he should I will hold off. Family is everything and her parent's blessing means a lot to myself AND my girlfriend.

I just did this a few months ago, and I'm glad I did. Much like the earlier posters suggested I went with the: I love your daughter, we're living together and want to take our relationship to the next level, etc., I am planning to ask her to marry me, and would like your blessing. He sorta shrugged, said that was great news, asked if I planned to pop the question soon, and asked if I wanted to watch the rest of the football game with him. I was like, "uh, no, I gotta go do something." Kind of anticlimatic for both him and me, but I know my wife loves that I did it. She mentions it all the time.

And for those of you who think the lack of drama means he doesn't like me; he does.